First of all, greetings! I'm new here, and hope to gain much from the experiences of everyone here. By writing this, I am, basically, baring my soul to you, my unknown reader. Although I am hesitant to reveal so much of myself, this question has been plaguing me for years. I'm not very eager to label myself, but I wish to know, what, or who I am. -SKIP TO BOTTOM IF LAZY TO READ- I'm 16 this year, your average high schooler in an Islamic country, where homophobes are around every damned corner. Growing up in a household where the subject of homosexuality and bisexuality has never been brought up, i have never had prejudice against LGBTQ community. It was, in a way, ignored. At the age of 13, I began to question my sexual orientation. I had feelings for girls that only later, I realised they were crushes. At first, I just blamed these feelings on the fact that I never had an elder sister and just wanted someone to care for me the way an elder sister would. Only later, after beginning to get addicted to lesbian fanfiction, I grudgingly accepted I might be a lesbian. This was further confirmed when i began to write fanfiction of the same genre, despite having absolutely no experience. (pretty impressive, i know, thank you *vain smirk*) Recently, i began reading lesbian novels (imagine that! what would my parents do if they found out?) and found myself really enjoying them. After all these years of convincing myself it just might be a phase, I began entertaining the thought of being bisexual, or even lesbian. Dragging bits and pieces of information from my life, I have tried to prove to myself who I really am, without success. -SKIP TO HERE IF LAZY TO READ- I have had crushes on both guys and girls. Crushes on girls never last long, perhaps about a week or so. Crush on one particular guy lasted 2 years until right now, the rest was also about a week. Turned on by both hot guys and hot girls. I can totally imagine going ''all the way'', so to speak, with a girl, but never with a guy. Given a choice between my dream woman and my dream man... I'd choose woman, IF there were no consequences (society accepts me for who I am) If I were to continue living where society rejects LGBTQ, I'd marry a man, partly for the sake of not breaking my parent's heart and not being judged (go ahead, call my a coward, cause that's what I am), and partly because some part of me will probably love him. Put a hot guy and hot girl in front of me, I'd stare at the hot guy first. Well, that's all I care to reveal for now. Your thoughts?
Its really hard for someone else to label you, but, from your post, it sounds like you are bi and possibly either right in the middle or leaning towards guys a bit more. If that doesn't sound specific enough, then just go with bi! And please don't think you are a coward for not coming out. Each one of us must choose to do what we must, and no one can judge our decision unless they are in our shoes. Either way, you have time to make that decision in the future. For now I would concentrate more on fully accepting yourself and not on coming out.
TheEdend - thanks for your reply! most of the times i can deal with myself liking girls, but at the most unexpected moments, the realisation would come out of nowhere and crush me down, making me guilty that i am not 'normal'. It's alright I guess, still working on it! DoriaN - That's a very very good question >< I've heard that bi people are just confused, and can't make a choice between being gay or straight. Many bad opinions surround bi people too, like they're actually gay, but just pretend to be straight in public, where it 'profits' them most. Mostly, I want to find out whether my attraction to guys are real, or just forced on by society Lapras - Thanks for the link and suggestion! However, I don't think so I have been sexually attracted to many people, most of which I don't really know well. Thank you anyway!
Welcome to EC! It sounds like you are bi but with more emotional/romantic attraction to girls...(?) Have you had any relationships with either sex? If so, what did you think?
Fisnou- thank you for your reply! that's kinda what im thinking too, except i can't get rid of the suspicion that i may like guys just because society forced it upon me.. No serious relationships, I tend to keep everyone at an arm's length. I just remembered that a few weeks ago, my mum was complaining about my nonexistent cooking skills, and i almost replied, 'My wife would cook for me!' Yeah, that was one of the freaky moments, and i was very shocked at myself. Any thoughts about that? :/
Yeah, that's fair enough. Especially in a homophobic country where you wouldn't be much exposed to it, right? It's the norm for girls to like boys and vice versa. Okay. And if you had a chance, would you rather date girls or guys? :lol: interesting! It sounds like you're comfortable with the idea of a relationship with a girl. Having read lesbian fiction probably helped, right? :icon_wink I've read some lesbian fiction too and have become a big gay movie buff, lol :icon_redf
I really don't know what to tell you other than wait and see. It is sometimes hard to sort out what is really innate to us and what we become convinced of because of social conditioning. You sound like you may be bisexual. Most of the bisexuals I know lean more heavily towards men or women or find that the nature of their relationships with men and women are different. Still, maybe if you lived in a society where the expectations regarding gender and sexuality were more flexible, you would find yourself primarily attracted to women. It's hard to tell.
Music Beat - Thank you for your kind reply! Fisnou - If I had the chance... most likely a girl. But I'd very willingly have a relationship with a gentle, caring and sensitive guy. Since guys around my age are mostly still immature, and most girls are gentle, caring and sensitive... BNQ2012 - Oh.. I'd 'wait and see' if I could, but this whole thing about my sexuality has been distracting me quite a lot, so i haven't really been focusing much past few weeks. Thanks for sharing your opinion anyway!
