LONG READ, BUT I WOULD APPRECIATE PEOPLE READING AND COMMENTING =] So here I am at 9:16 pm, just got back from sobeys buying cranberry juice and dr pepper, going to try a southern comfort cocktail. I have yet to pack, although I'm a eleventh hour person, for my trip to my new job, leaving at 10am. Now for a little background. I'm a 3rd year welder apprentice, living in 'oil' country, where there are lots of manly men working about. After highschool I didn't know what to do so my father suggested it. My sister is also a welder, although a 1st year at the moment. It's been alright, has its ups and downs, but really I just wanna chat to relax and perk myself up. A couple work stories: My very first welding job was with my father at the same shop. It was a lot of fun for the most part, we found out we got along better when working together than living together (go figure). My family has no idea about my inner desires, so I just went on living and working. One day my father had to leave work for a long period of time, so it was just me. Now I had long hair then, AND now, but I would tie it into a ponytail so it wouldn't get in the way or be an issue. The memory is getting hazy.... thankfully, but it went something along the lines of this. I was walking up the stairs to the lunchroom and all of a sudden I fell back onto my hands and feet, a coworker had tugged my ponytail and forced me down. He yelled out something along the lines of 'little bitch' and I just ignored it and went on with myday. That night I rage gave myself a haircut, cutting all my hair... which was 2ft long at the time... pretty sure I cried in the shower. That job ended, for better and worse. ~~~~ My next job again had ups and downs, but it was better than the last. I was working out in the field with a new girl apprentice, a male apprentice, and my hippie-esque boss (avid weed smoker, pretty sure he snuck it at work too). I learned a lot and had a lot of fun but the female and I butted heads a lot. She was also favoured by the foreman for.... well, being a girl. Anyways, I guess after some time of getting to know them my boss started making fun of my hands, which aren't abnormally small, but are slender and smaller than 99% of the tradesmen I've met. For the record I love my hands, I think they're the perfect size, I joke saying they're artisans hands. Anyways, I seemed to develope a nickname which was rarely uttered; 'Princess'. Keep in mind my hair is now short, I don't lisp or have anything wild physically that could indicate anything. Hearing this was a surprise, but secretly I felt happy... So nearing the end of the job I had to skip a few days of work for something. I came back and noticed on my safety hardhat someone wrote across the front 'Princess'. I was mortified, and without a thought grabbed a company sticker and covered 95% of it up and acted like nothing. A coworker came to me later saying he was proud that I kept calm and 'put a sticker on the helmet and fucking kept doing the job'. It was nice to hear, and later I found out the girl apprentice did it. I'll never forget her face or name to this day, I actually saw her in public later and was in shock; avoiding eye contact. ~~~~ My latest job, and the less harassment involved was earlier this year. I was working alone on top of oil tanks with this guy about 10-15 years older than I. Working with him was fun and he was an awesome guy, and in a joking way would also call me princess. Now with him I didn't mind at all and laughed cause we were working at heights and I'm really scared, but the running theme of 'princess' has me perplexed. ~~~~ So now fast forward back to now, tomorrow I will be driving the farthest I've ever driven (approx5+ hours), to live in a work camp in fort macmurray for 10 days in a row, 10 hour days, then 4 days off. Rinse and repeat for a month or two. I just want to chat or hear advice and the like anyone wants to share. My friends like to tease me about 'being a woman', and it's gone on for most of my life, but I can't figure out why I get this label. My mom's friend when I went swimming one time said I have a 'girlish gait'. I was shy but later when no one was around I tried to walk looking in the mirror... I felt she was imagining things. I guess something about me is easy to label as female, girly, feminine, etc. I mean the hair and earrings I understand but actions-wise I'm sorta concerned. Also having to go to my new job in a camp with 99% of super manly not very open minded dirty 'git er done' mindsets has me concerned. Moreso as time goes on, and I get more feminine. Also, my hair is just short of reaching the middle of my back (You can check my profile if you want a vague idea), and I regret cutting it originally. Thinking I want to get a nose stud/ring when my job ends, which won't help for being accepted >_< I like piercings... So yeah, can't think of much more atm, just wanted to get this off my chest. Thanks.
Hi, I don't think i have much advice to offer, but seeing you'll leaving in the morning, I thought, saying something could be more comfort to you. and all I can tell is have confidence on you. Whatever way you look people, tend to think twice, when someone is sure looking of him/her self. If someone's going to decide on your looks its their problem. you don't have to agree with them or not. just ignore that. By how you have acted in past situations ( as you described your reactions), I think you can ignore others as nothings going on or happened when it's happennig, so that's your ability, use it well. and any other thing that might come useful. I think going to a whole new place and having to deal with new people might be the reason disturbing you . That is common and fade away gradually. Just think, in another few days, you'd be as acquainted with everything as you were, at your past jobs. and you've had lot of jobs, this is not the first one all of those has definitely made you stronger than you used to be before that. This is a fact that happens even we don't realize it. Don't think of those who use to comment on you or call you anything . I guess your friends did it in a sweet way. But even then they could have had some other reasons to do it (things in their own experiences and personalities) other than your looks. even for looks, you don't have to think about it, that's their choice not yours. Let anyone say anything and just keep faith. I think if they ever think anything and to comment, they will get tired of it by no reactions, after some time . I haven't seen anyone comment at a wall , they do it only if they find that wall react, when they do something, right? Sometimes I get lot of responses about my looks, so you aren't alone. There are lot others that do also, but that doesn't mean that anyone have the power to know us better than us, if we want someone to know we can tell them , but that's our choice not theirs, and they have to wait if they are that crazy to know gossips until we tell them, otherwise it's not their business and we don't have to confirm/worry/ care about their concerns, thoughts/ reactions , or whatever it is. how we look is our business not theirs and what they say is theirs. But we have a choice to care about their thoughts/reactions or not. Most important thing is be happy and confident with/about us. That's how I think and how I act most times. Hope this helps somewhat. and I wish you all the luck you'll need and more to be happy in your next job and future.(*hug*)
Thanks, after a lot of encouragement I went to my job and had a successful first day, although it was just an orientation... I'm gradually feeling better for now, the biggest motivator is that I'm seeing my therapist in 2 weeks, I'm dreadfully excited. Hoping I can start E, this is my second appointment so my mind is set.
