1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Is sexual enjoyment a factor?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by unicorn14, Sep 3, 2012.

  1. unicorn14

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2012
    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Washington
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hi all,

    As I explore my sexuality how much does sexual enjoyment factor in? I'm 31 year old female, been with guys all my life until now.

    Sex with guys, meh, lots of one nighters, always drunk, except for my boyfriend I had recently for 7/8 years, totally different. Sex was ok, but not something I really craved or cared for.

    Sex with girls (well my GF) - awesome! Totally a big part of our relationship and something that's enjoyable and natural.

    Any similar thoughts, I mean how much does this actually factor into my sexuality, I assume ALOT.

    Thanks in advance!
     
  2. Owen

    In Loving Memory Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2007
    Messages:
    613
    Likes Received:
    13
    Location:
    Massachusetts, USA
    You're right, how much you enjoy sex does factor in a lot. :slight_smile: That's basically what our sexuality determines: whom we'll enjoy having sex with. All sorts of forces can make someone willing to have sex with someone they're not attracted to (society pressures, denial, emotional attraction, etc.), but deep down, the true indicator of your sexuality is whom you want to have sex with. And from the sound of your post, it seems like that's women, and not men.
     
  3. Dummy

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2012
    Messages:
    51
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    In a land far away...
    I agree with Owen...
     
  4. unicorn14

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2012
    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Washington
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Yeah I figured it did. There's just so much different aside from it being a woman. I am far more self confident. I have no problem with the whole naked thing, which I rarely did with my boyfriend of 7 years. I don't know if that's b/c being with her I feel more comfortable or what. She definitely lets me know she likes my body, etc which my boyfriend did not really express, so not sure if that factors in or not.

    I just never paid alot of attention b/c I know so many hetero couples that have a poor sex life, it seems like something kind of normal after many years together.

    Hmmmm
     
  5. Mango

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2012
    Messages:
    258
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Yep! Sex is very important!

    It makes you feel fulfilled and worthwhile. No matter what is facing you in the external world outside, sex and your partner's level of desire, always serves as a temporary respite and release from outside pressures and distractions.

    For that moment you feel fulfilled. Your existence has been validated, confirmed, and consummated! For that moment, you become whole...

    Yep! Sex is very important!
     
  6. Ianthe

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2011
    Messages:
    2,760
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Oregon
    How much you want sex with people is more important a factor than whether the sex itself is enjoyable. But you say that you didn't really crave sex with your boyfriend, and I'm guessing you do with your girlfriend.

    Was your sex life with your boyfriend ever exciting?
     
  7. unicorn14

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2012
    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Washington
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Um, well maybe a few times when we first started dating. He wasn't all that great in bed, but we didn't communicate well so we didn't exactly work on it.

    I never really craved it, I think at first we had alot b/c I liked that he was craving it maybe? But with my GF, I want to have sex with her.

    Towards the end when I began wondering if I was gay I had sex with my BF alot, like much more than we ever did, I think I was either trying to convince him or I that it was enjoyable. It's hard to tell, I just wanted to feel close to him again.
     
  8. Ianthe

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2011
    Messages:
    2,760
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Oregon
    That makes sense.

    It seems like you never really felt much desire to have sex with men, but that you desire your girlfriend a great deal. That's really the telling thing--sexual orientation is about desire.
     
  9. unicorn14

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2012
    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Washington
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Yeah, definitely more desire. But never had desire before I met my GF, just curious about it. I never really thought I'd ever really kiss a girl let alone sleep with one.

    It's much better sex, there's more communication compared to my ex-boyfriend which could be a factor, but I feel like as much as I loved him that desire should have been there, it just wasn't after the initial new relationship part....