So, earlier today I celebrated my son's birthday/holiday with my family, as well as my son's father's family. Everything went great; however, my son's father who's also my ex-boyfriend looked so sad and it's because of me. I am gay and he knows this, but he still tries to get back with me. He and I are not compatible AT ALL and we're both fully aware of this; I just feel so bad because it's my fault he's hurting. I know this because I can hear it in his voice and see it in his eyes. I know that I cannot sacrifice my happiness/well-being for him. I mean, he's against everything that I am for, like...gay marriage, politics and the list goes on. I do love him, but I'm not romantically attracted to him nor do I like having sexual intercourse. So, it'll be completely pointless to deny who I am for him only to live a miserable life, but I still feel so guilty :tears: I kind of don't want to be gay just for him, but I know that living a lie is not healthy. When we were together, I had always put his needs before mine, but I can no longer do so. Ugh! I'm just so bitter/angry, what's a girl to do? :icon_sad: I think time and space will help, but we have kids together and seeing him just makes things harder. Any advice is greatly appreciated...
I think he needs to move on. But it's easier said than done. I think if someone truly cares for another, they'd be happy for them no what the odds are. I hope that helps.
Yes, your relationship has ended already. If he's not over you that's his problem. You've pissed years away with him. The time has come for you to worry about your own needs.
Thanks and I know what has to be done. I'm planning on moving out of state soon; I need a fresh start somewhere new, but I worry about him a lot, I always have. I keep thinking that something bad is going to happen to him and I feel like me being around him will keep him safe :icon_sad:. Even though he is a grown man, he tries to compare me to his mother who abandoned him. That's pretty hurtful :tears: I'm the reason why they're on speaking terms now. They never had a good relationship, but I helped them repair it.
I may be looking at this through a lens that is bad but wouldn't moving out of state be just running away from the problems and only cause more problems such as you said you have children with him and I am guessing that they are living with you. That puts him in a really rough place because they are then far from him or if they are living with him they are far from you. I know that there are hurt feelings but your needs come second the moment you have children in my opinion you do what is best for them. I may be hated by saying this but I was put up for adoption when I was 10 days old because my birth mother could not take care of me and it was the best thing she could do for me and it was believe me. I just don't want to see you regret anything especially with children because you saw how hard it was for him and his mother.
There's no need to baby him, hun. Sounds like you're making him more helpless by catering to him. If you're moving for a brighter future, by all means don't let it stop you. That he's a homophobe doesn't strengthen his case though. Besides, you shouldn't suffer thanks to his poor relationship with his mother. Your future matters to, and again if there's a better future outside of the state, go for it. You've already said that you're not interested in him. Therefore it won't work. Might as well extinguish the relationship now, otherwise he'll cling to false hope that you may get together again someday. When my ex broke up, it was counterproductive to stay in touch as it left me with (false) hope that we might have been able to resurrect our romance. Had she not stayed friends, I would've been better off by now.
You are absolutely right, they do live with me. I guess you can say that I am trying to run away, I've used him as a beard for too long and I can no longer do it anymore. They do have a good relationship with their father, but he really doesn't see them often anyway. I just don't think he'll be able to handle raising kids on his own if I was to move and give him custody until I can get on my feet. I'm mainly looking forward to moving to find a better job and that's what is best for my kids. I understand that their needs come first, but I really am trying to make things right, but it really is difficult because I did not ask for this. ---------- Post added 4th Sep 2012 at 05:50 AM ---------- I know all about false hope and I think by trying to maintain a friendship with him is not going to work. And I guess that's okay, somethings are not meant to be. I'm trying so hard to let go of the life that I thought I was going to have with him but it really is difficult. I feel like I've dragged these innocent little people that I've created into my messed up life, but if it wasn't for them, I wouldn't have the strength and courage that I do now.
