This is basically just a rant, but my parents are letting me down in the ways I'll explain below, and I still have a year before university and I can feel it all bubbling inside me waiting to errupt, and so any words would be helpful (even if it's just to tell me to get over myself!) The first is, predictably, my sexuality. I told them I was gay via letter over a year ago now, and they still refuse to talk about it. My mum won't say anything at all and my dad keeps talking to me about girls (we'll have to get you dancing girls for your birthday! I bet the girls can't resist you!) and it sucks because it just shows he's unsupportive. My mum also said she'd tell my sister, and went into her room to apparently do so, but my sister clearly doesn't know from the comments she makes, so she's obviously lied about that. Admittedly I've been a bit of a coward and haven't brought it up (I even passed on an opportunity when my mum asked if my gay friend's [from primary school who they know, as well as his parents, very well] friend was his girlfriend). But I've not talked about it because they've proved unhelpful about big things in the past. Currently my plan is to go to university and just see them less and less. The second thing is depression. Two summers ago I had my first really bad case of it, and after about five months of feeling terrible I finally told my mum, only to be told I just needed to get out more, and that it was nothing. My mum had depression herself as a teenager so you'd think she understand, but no. I had a short spell after my coming out failed, and rather than put it down to a lack of support they just decided it was because I'd had a longer than usual summer and hadn't done much in it. Then at the beginning of this year I had a bad spell that affected my home life badly (they usually just affect school and friends and I manage to stay mostly silent at home) and so my mum took me to the doctor and he confirmed I had depression, and gave me a number of someone to talk to on the phone. My mum knows I'm terrible at phone interaction and asked, and I told her that I'd prefer to talk to someone face to face. She said she'd find someone (this was roughly March) and hasn't mentioned it since. I saw a letter from the doctor saying he hoped I was better and that he'd like me to come in for another blood test but neither parent has brought it up. Thirdly, they aren't, and have never been, loving parents. They're great for keeping my sister and I properly fed, we have nice clothes but aren't spoiled, neither of us has had a filling and we're 17 and 21 respectively. But they're very reserved. I've never heard my mum say she loves me from as long as I can remember, and my dad once said when I was 13 "you do know I love you, don't you?" and I don't think I honestly did, because the shock of it made me burst into tears. They both openly admit they aren't loving, and say it's because they weren't raised like it (fine, but neither was I and my kids will be told they're loved every day). They just aren't very reliable parents. For example, I've been shaving since I was 12. I taught myself, and have never once had help. My parents know I've been shaving for years, but only bought me my first razor a few months ago. So that's five years using crappy disposable ones. Five. Because of all this (and various other, similar things) I don't particularly care for either of my parents. I'm quite guarded, especially after being bullied horribly at an all boys school from age 11 - 16. And because of this, my parents and sister always joke that I'm self-centered and only care about myself. They don't tell me things like when my grandad (and recently mum too) goes into hospital and then yell at me for not being involved enough. It just sucks when you're constantly told you're selfish and conceited (I may be a little, who isn't? But it's never a problem at school so I can't be that bad) when you are that way somewhat because of them. Plus if anything big happened in my life, I wouldn't talk to them about it (recently I was kicked out of my friendship group for being too different from the other guys, read: you're too gay and it's making them uncomfortable because they're homophobic assholes, and I feel like most people could talk to their parents about it, but I can't. My mum did find out after hours and hours of asking me why I didn't go out enough over summer and me bitterly replying that I have no friends to go out with. Which is why I'm worried all of this will eventually come out one of these days, for want over a better phrase. Like I said above, the plan is to gradually fade them out of my life. But whilst I'm stuck with them for a year, any tips on getting through would be greatly appreciated. Sorry this is so long! I'm typing this on a slow phone so sorry if it doesn't make sense or if it's chock full of errors.
That . . . Is horrible. The least they could do is show a little caring or compassion. Have you tried being lightly assertive about it? Just telling them "I'm gay. Live with it." or something like that. I mean, it worked for me, might not work for you. If you have and it didn't work . . . Just try and survive. My dad wasn't the most accepting person. Ignore anything that makes you upset. I know it's hard, but it helps if you try hard enough. Sorry if this isn't very good advice.
That sucks, to feel like the only place you can turn to or have is family, but even then you dont feel like you have one to turn too. The best thing you really can do is get on with what ever you're doing now, I myself didnt really get a great response from my own parents after coming out, my dad is like yours in the way that he likes to bring up girls whenever possible, and my mum doesnt say anything, the only real difference between you and I is that I come from a very close and loving family, and even though they arent accepting, Ive learn over time to love being gay, to the point where I didnt need my parents acceptance anymore. If anything they shouldnt be shocked if they heard from some where I was gay because I had already told them, and you should do the same too, live your life the way you want it, you dont need to phase your parents out of your life, if anything you still care for them alot because and the end of the day, you wouldnt have been so bummed about them not accepting you if you werent.
I think from what you described, some of those actions of your parents may have resulted by having their personalities. If it is so I don't think hoping they would change or give you more attention would solve your problems ever. as you have only one year to spend at home, why not try to make it more happy. My advice is, to change how you deal and communicate with them. for an example, you should have asked for razors if your dad does not seem to realize it. But that's past now. ask about that test, and also the person your mother promised for you. or else talk to that number your doctor has given to you and make an arrangement to meet that person. or make your mother do it. If you don't ever use the phone or asking something you'll stay same for ever and not going to help you with future. we all got used to it by using/doing so start it, hun, you need it. I know I sound harsh but you need this advice as I understand .Anyway I think It's time to deal with problems before they get severe. I think that's how people get much more serious conditions from ignoring them at the first stage. If your doctor asked again he's concerned about you. You are thinking about how your parents are careless about you but there are other people who are and ignored by you. I have made those same mistakes not asking for things I needed when I was teenager, But I've seen it wasn't the method. If someones ignorant as you say you need to make them realize that you do exist and young need attention. You are still young so you deserve it even we ruled out being their child. Do it for your own health both in mind and body. ( and it's like I'm going to be a failure in vow to show more friendliness in my writing, sorry about this style written, if this makes you ... I'm sorry if I've made you more miserable by any saying , I didn't mean to) and if you don't think I sound as something you can't bear to ..., you can and feel free to talk to me on my wall, if you think that will help somewhat.
I say, ask your parents to accompany you to your first counseling appointment. Make certain that it's a gay-friendly counselor and that he's going to help your parents deal with the gay issue. The counseling session will really be for them, not yourself. Have them purchase a bicycle for you, if you don't already have one. If you have access to a car, that's even better. Anyway, it's time for you to make new friends. Freinds within the LGBT community. I would become involved with Gay Pride, Gay Straight Alliance, or something of that sort. I'd meet more gay guys and people that I would know that I can depend upon for moral support, if nothing else. Create a 'new' family for yourself now, while all the while working to strengthen your familial bonds at home. Your counselor should be able to assist you in this effort. You will need transportation to your gay volunteering events, to your 'new' gay friends houses, and to various other destinations. Good Luck!
Thanks for the replies everyone! Forgetmerot - It sucks, but they really are great parents in every other aspect. And your advice didn't suck! It was great, thank you. sanguine - I think this is what I'll have to do. I've accepted myself, and I guess they either will or won't with time, and the best thing to do now is live the life I want whilst focusing on their better qualities and keeping a good balance. smprob - Your advice wasn't harsh at all, in fact it was just what I needed. In that respect I'm completely like my parents; I'd much rather prefer to not talk about it, even if it means not getting anywhere except feeling sorry for myself. I've just grown up not talking about things and I guess I've fallen into that pattern and it needs to be broken. Mango - The idea of group conselling sounds a little scary, but giving it a try can't hurt. Living where I do in the UK, I'm not sure if there would be any sort of Pride groups or anything around, but I'm (hopefully) moving to a different part when I go to university next year and they'll (hopefully) be better. I only know about four gay guys, two lesbians and a handful of bisexual guys so I could definitely do with branching out!
