i didn't realize i was bisexual until i fell for my good friend around 6 months ago. she hasn't come out but she'd been flirting with me for months. she told me that she had feelings for me (while drunk) but in the morning she couldn't remember. she's also told me that she's jealous of my relationship with my partner of 6 years. a month ago we got really drunk and i ended up kissing her. i told my partner and her everything (except for the fact that i had feelings for her). i told her that i thought she had been flirting with me but she didn't say anything, she just said OK and that we were cool. things have been awkward since, i can sense that she is angry with me but i also think she's a narcissist. she always tries to get my attention - by crying, trying to start arguments, trying to get me to hate all my friends (for example, she'll say - "don't you think what she did to you was crap?") - tries to put ideas into my head. my gay friend said that this is typical behavior from someone who is trying to deal with their sexuality. i know it shouldn't matter because i'm in a committed relationship but do you think she has feelings for me or is she just playing me about? if she fancies me, i can forgive her and we can be friends, if she hurt me on purpose by pretending to fancy me then i can't forgive her. your opinions? thanks in advance.
I believe your friend is right by suggesting that she's just struggling with her sexuality. To be more precise..; She probably THINKS that she has deep feelings for you. She feels miserable, struggling between keeping you as a friend and trying to reach out to you in a possessive/romantic manner. What is really happening though is that you happened to be the media between her sexual orientation and herself (thanks to you she's discovering it) so what she feels isn't actually about you; it's about herself. Struggling to conquest her orientation in order to accept and love herself. At this point she probably feels that it's so desperate and that if she doesn't gets you the way she wants to, no other girl will do for her and she's going to be doomed to be single forever. Yeah... I've learned by experience that lots of lesbians are over dramatic. I'm sorry for the generalization but from your description of her behavior, the hat seems to fit her perfectly. So next; what to do in such a circumstance. Be gentle and affectionate with her; forgive her crush on you, and give her time to adjust. She knows that you're committed, and if she needs reminded, just remind her very gently. Be firm in what your limits are as a friend and as a person though, you don't have to endure bitchiness. When those things happen, just point them out to her, like: You know, you saying things like that about that other friend of mine is not really you, do you realize what you're doing? Please hold back from saying such things ok? :goodluck:
from the way you've described your friend, I think you should keep your b/f updated about her a bit, as you have already done. Not that telling him about her daily, but how her behave towards your friends and your relationship and about her jealousy. It would avoid any success, if she's ever going to try, what she does with your other friendships, to do to your relationship too (of course without you or your b/f being aware of it). I think being a bit cautious couldn't hurt/lose anyone or anything, to consider much. I also think her behavior has something to do with her feelings for you, plus the denial. Also I think, even she fancies about you, still she can hurt you, that is if she is used to have her own way and having everything she wants and tend to forget virtues when doing that (seems her case). Anyway no one can read minds (generally) so, no use assuming anything, but being careful, so you can keep your relationship, out of trouble and happy. Additionally, I think you c/should forgive her, whatever reason caused her to act like that or in any other way. bc I believe keeping a grudge on someone, specially on a person being so closed, could become just torture to your own mind, even after breaking all the contacts with that person. It is like, still gripping or holding firmly to that person, without awareness. Best thing as I see is, if you can't bare her actions, let her go from your life and also from mind. It is true that, it's not how a friendship should be, but we all have had different backgrounds when growing up and different minds to decide our actions. So I think, the best thing to do is keeping your mind and life, both healthy, despite who you have in them. Good luck!
