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Out of the closet... But then what?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Bird66, Sep 4, 2012.

  1. Bird66

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    Hi EC!

    Since I have finally accepted I am gay - after years and years of internal struggle (I will leave you the details :wink:) - I am planning to tell some close people I am gay soon, which will probably be the biggest relief ever :icon_bigg

    ...But then what? I am thinking of the next step afterwards. I don't want to be out to the entire world (yet?), I want to keep it to a group of close people. And since I am not really the type for gay bars or clubs... Or going to counseling groups in the city... I don't really know what to do.

    What can I do? Any advice is welcome :slight_smile:
     
  2. TheEdend

    TheEdend Guest

    I think its awesome that you are ready to tell someone that you are gay! Congrats for getting there :slight_smile:

    After you come out to your close group of friends (and you tell them to not let anyone else know), then, as simple as it sounds, you start living your life how you want to. At first it will seem weird, but now you can talk about crushes with your friends or comment about guys or say whatever is that you want to say to them without worrying if it will out your or not.

    After you get used to being out with them, then you can see what you want to do next. Its possible that you might not want to come out to anyone anytime soon after that or that you want to come out to everyone or just your parents or maybe you want to start making friends who are also gay. The possibilities are endless :slight_smile:
     
  3. Jim1454

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    I came out very slowly - and it worked for me. (Like - over several years!)

    I did manage to find a 'gay friend' who I could be open and authentic with. He and I would go to the movies on occassion and admire the leading man's six pack without worrying that we were making the other feel awkward! It was great to have him as a friend at the time.

    I also managed to find a new partner after just a few months - and I've been with him ever since. It was because of him that I did come out to everyone - because it just made sense to be able to talk openly and honestly about my life with my family, friends and coworkers.

    You an set the pace and do what works for you.
     
  4. silverhalo

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    I think just take it at your own pace and see how things go, as strange as it sounds usually you just know when its right to take the next step or tell the next person. I would agree with Jim that supportive straight friends are amazing but a gay friend just gives you something the straight person cant. Sometimes dating sites have an option to just look for friends so perhaps that could be an option before you feel ready to go to an LGBT group or a bar or something.
     
  5. Bird66

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    Thank you for the wonderful responses everyone! That really helps me :slight_smile:

    But how do I find a gay friend if I am still appealing to be a straight person to everyone besides my group of close people that know? Cause I am not ready yet to out myself whenever the conversation will come to these kind of issues. I mean, I would LOVE to actually to just be myself - but then I think it will be all too quick all of a sudden.. In addition, I am not really a fan of online dating sites either.

    Thanks!
     
  6. Lexington

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    "What happens next?"
    "Nothing, my son. Only the rest of our lives."

    Next move? You might look online. Most areas of some size have various gay social groups - sports clubs, biking clubs, volunteer groups. You might look arond to see if there's one that appeals to you.

    Lex
     
  7. Jim1454

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    It doesn't need to be a dating site.

    I actually posted an online ad looking for a gay friend (well... other 'gay dads' to be specific). That might seem kind of lame - but it worked. I made it clear that I was looking for something platonic - just to go for a beer sometime. And I had a number of very nice and sincere responses. I'm still friends with one of the guys who responded - and that was 5 years ago. It game me an 'outlet' which I think you're looking for too.
     
  8. TheEdend

    TheEdend Guest

    On top of what everyone has said, take things step by step!

    I know it we can very easily get wrapped up in the whole thing, but from experience things tend to start making a little bit more sense the more steps you take. So, for now, I would worry about coming out, and then worry about my next step. Always one step a time :slight_smile:
     
  9. Bird66

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    One step a time indeed, thank you so much. I am thinking of signing up for a local group after I came out to a couple of close people. But I will see.

    Oh, and just wanted to say that I really appreciate how you guys take the time to respond to give a constructive answer every time on this forum (not just this thread, but everywhere else as well) :slight_smile: