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I kissed my first girl and lost my best friend

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by prism, Sep 4, 2012.

  1. prism

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    I wasn't going to post this because I thought I could figure it out on my own, but it has really been bothering me. I'd like to get some objective input.

    I came out to one of my close friends from university over the summer. She was only the second person I had told and she was very cool about the whole thing. We were drinking with our friends the other night when she pulled me away to talk. She was upset about her roommate flirting with a guy she liked. I was saying things to try and comfort her. She was getting very touchy, to say the least. The party ended and she insisted on walking me back to my room. She told our other friends not to wait up for her and we went inside. She was standing next to my bed telling me how much she loved my blanket. I told her she could stay if she wanted, and she did. I didn't think much of it; we've slept in the same bed before. We were pretty drunk, and we ended up facing and holding one another. I knew it was a bad idea and I stopped myself from kissing her a hundred times. She started talking about this girl I had a crush on and kept telling me how pretty I was, that I was a catch, etc. She was kissing my cheek and giving me all the signs, but I didn't do anything until she said "Are we really going to do this?"

    I paused for a moment and just went for it. The kiss was short and I'm embarrassed just thinking about it. She kept apologizing and telling me she didn't want to hurt me. We were both tired but neither of us could sleep, so she went back to her own room.

    I don't think I value her any more than a best friend. But then why is it bothering me so much? My plan was to act like nothing happened, but it's easier said than done. We barely look at one another when we're out with our friends. It kills me to know that we could have ruined our friendship over this.

    Do you think it was just a drunken mistake for her? She didn't seem that drunk and she's the one that came into my room. As a side note, I feel equally as crappy for wasting my first same sex kiss on a liquored up straight girl.
     
  2. Kat kanu

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    I would talk to her about it you never know if shes your friend in sure she will understand and no I don't think you wasted you first same sex kiss you gave it to someone you trust and love to an extent
     
  3. Ianthe

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    I don't think your kiss was wasted, and she clearly wanted to kiss you.

    Just talk to her. It will be less weird if you just acknowledge what happened. Tell her that her friendship is valuable to you and ask her how she feels. It seems like she is questioning her sexuality a little too--especially with her telling you all about her girl crush. If so, you could consider referring her here to EC.

    It was a kiss. It doesn't have to have broad implications. It can be valued for what it was without having to change anything. (Which is not the same as saying that it was meaningless or worthless!)
     
  4. pinklov3ly

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    This is a pretty tough situation considering that your friend is straight, did you have feelings for her prior to kissing her? Making out with a friend isn't the decision because it can be awkward facing them afterwards. My best friend and I are friends with benefits and believe me I know it's probably a huge mistake. But, I think you should talk to her about the kiss, I'm sure she remembers even if she was slightly drunk. I try to not make life altering decisions while under the influence because we often regret our choices. I personally do not like a girl who only likes girls when she's under the influence because the feelings are not genuine. Then again I could be totally wrong; perhaps she's questioning her feelings for women as well, whatever you do, don't brush it under the rug.
     
    #4 pinklov3ly, Sep 4, 2012
    Last edited: Sep 4, 2012