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is it considered stalking??

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by rockgodgx, Sep 4, 2012.

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  1. rockgodgx

    rockgodgx
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    so i had a guy which i don't know if his hitting on me or not but he seems straight well we don't know? cos he maybe straight or in the closet cos he's so lay back he offered me a ride introduced himself with a handshake. So because i didn't know and he said he sees me in the building cos were both in the same major so i remembered him telling me what class he was in since it's the same class room and pretty much the student file is open for anyone's viewing i found his whole name and tracked him down via google i know it's wrong but i really have to know so i tried to look for his fb well i only got his google profile but i can tell that's him. but still it didn't give me to much info on whether or not his gay or not unless i ask which 'im still afraid to do, and i never do this to anyone not even my crushes back in highschool. so is it still considered stalking or am i just too curious??
     
    #1 rockgodgx, Sep 4, 2012
  2. Brody

    Brody
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    Yeah this is kinda stalkingish so said my brother who is 25 and good with advice
     
    #2 Brody, Sep 4, 2012
  3. Ianthe

    Ianthe
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    This is fairly normal crush behavior.

    Still, it's better to actually talk to him. Ask to add him on Facebook. Ask him and that girl that sits between you in your class together, that way it will be less awkward.

    Didn't you have class today?


    Here's some rules so you don't start acting like a weirdo:

    1.) Do not follow him around unless you are actually going to approach him. If you talk to him, it will not be weird, but if you follow him and don't talk to him, that is weird.

    2.) Do not take pictures of him without him knowing. Taking pictures with his permission is fine, secretly taking pictures is creepy.

    3.) If he refuses advances, accept his refusal and move on. Do not assume that he's just playing hard to get, or that he really has feelings for you but isn't ready to admit them yet. Take him at his word.


    If you want to plan your route through the hallway to increase the chance of running into him, that's fine. But when you run into him, try to actually talk to him.

    It's fine to be interested in someone--it's only a problem when you disregard their right to not be interested in you.
     
    #3 Ianthe, Sep 4, 2012
  4. rockgodgx

    rockgodgx
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    well it went awkward too late i didnt see this post lol... that'd be the last time were speakinjg but i didn't follow him just happeened that i was right behind him. so i kinda did. but oh well.
     
    #4 rockgodgx, Sep 4, 2012
  5. Ianthe

    Ianthe
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    What happened? How was it awkward? What did he say, and so on?

    It's unlikely that matters would be beyond repair this quickly.
     
    #5 Ianthe, Sep 4, 2012
  6. rockgodgx

    rockgodgx
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    no it was like in art class i made eye contact he was the first who said hey W with a smirk like he knows that im waiting for him to say hi then i turned around and said oh hey M and that's it.... than right after he was walking in front of me that's it well the reason i followed him is that my ride was right where his walking to so... cant help it well but i'll say he's nice. no signs there but who knows we can't tell everything by two days ... so happened i skipped a day cos of car troubles oh well

    ---------- Post added 4th Sep 2012 at 09:39 PM ----------

    ^ plus i the schedule was changed so where sitting in two diff edges of the tables.... +D so we can't make a real eye contact.

    ---------- Post added 4th Sep 2012 at 09:41 PM ----------

    although it was weird though he called me by nick name cos mostly they call me by my name except my "friends, friends" who call me by my nick name lol here i am again reading much into it
     
    #6 rockgodgx, Sep 4, 2012
  7. Ianthe

    Ianthe
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    You and he had already spoken, so I don't think it was bad that you followed him. It's following someone and not talking to them that is weird. And you weren't even really following him anyway.

    It still seems like he's being friendly, at least. So be friendly.
     
    #7 Ianthe, Sep 4, 2012
  8. rockgodgx

    rockgodgx
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    can i die now i hate having crushes and being a stalker never done this before
     
    #8 rockgodgx, Sep 4, 2012
  9. Ianthe

    Ianthe
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    You're not a stalker. I thought we'd established that.

    It's normal to have crushes, although it does seem like this is a particularly bad one.

    Talk to him about his work. (You are art students, right?) Compliment him, people like that. Especially smirking people. (The smirking is driving you mad, isn't it?)

    Use of your nickname definitely means that you can go talk to him. You are "on a first-name basis," as it were. Not as significant as it once was, perhaps, but still worth noting.
     
    #9 Ianthe, Sep 4, 2012
  10. rockgodgx

    rockgodgx
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    yes the smirking drives me mad,
     
    #10 rockgodgx, Sep 4, 2012
  11. Ianthe

    Ianthe
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    Yes, I can understand that. Too well.

    It's women, for me, obviously, but I always think, "OMG she's smirking! Who does that!?"

    But I love it.
     
    #11 Ianthe, Sep 4, 2012
  12. squally89

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    Listen don't beat yourself up bc you have a crush.
    It's perfectly natural to feel this way and just go with the flow.
    Don't feel bad actually having the ability to have feelings.
    That means you are alive and no a machine :slight_smile:
     
    #12 squally89, Sep 4, 2012
  13. rockgodgx

    rockgodgx
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    what does a smirk mean though?? it drives me crazy

    ---------- Post added 4th Sep 2012 at 10:45 PM ----------

    come to think of it i think he knows cos he's trying to be cute when i'm talking to him sorta
     
    #13 rockgodgx, Sep 4, 2012
  14. Chip

    Chip
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    Don't discount the idea that he may be just as shy as you are, and smirking is his "defense." He may well be waiting for you to approach him.

    Ask him to do something really safe and nondescript. If there's something related to classes you can study together... or both go for a cup of coffee between classes. You can do that without any semblence of "I want your body, NOW!!!" coming across. Plenty of people just do that to make new friends.

    Or, even safer, you can enlist one or two other friends, who have pre-agreed to go for coffee, and say "Hey, the 3 of us are going down to ______. Would you like to join us?" Then it totally sounds like friendship and not a come-on. But if he's interested... it will give both of you a chance to interact in a "safe" environment.
     
    #14 Chip, Sep 4, 2012
  15. rockgodgx

    rockgodgx
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    if he does like me i'm totally blushing right now and scared and awkward
     
    #15 rockgodgx, Sep 4, 2012
  16. rockgodgx

    rockgodgx
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    i'm low in hints i'm scared that if i assumed something i might be wrong yet i'm afraid that i might be right. i just wanna keep my distance cos what if i'm wrong he wont speak to me again and we will forever be awkward i don't want to acknowledge his kindness even if it's a tad bit to awkward that his doing stuff for me
     
    #16 rockgodgx, Sep 5, 2012
  17. Ianthe

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    He's doing stuff for you? What did he do?

    You don't need to assume anything. Just ask him to hang out, in a friendly way. Casual, like Chip was saying.

    You should always thank people when they do things for you... why do you think it would be bad to "acknowledge his kindness?"
     
    #17 Ianthe, Sep 5, 2012
  18. rockgodgx

    rockgodgx
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    yeah wel cause it has a double meaning depending on whos thinking
     
    #18 rockgodgx, Sep 5, 2012
  19. Ianthe

    Ianthe
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    What has a double meaning, exactly? Thanking him for doing something for you?

    What did he do?
     
    #19 Ianthe, Sep 5, 2012
  20. Lewis

    Lewis
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    Nah. As long as you aren't standing outside his window or anything, I wouldn't consider it stalker-like at all. If I liked a guy and couldn't find them, I'd probably go to similar measures. I mean who knows, they could be the one.
     
    #20 Lewis, Sep 5, 2012
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