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always in his shadow....

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by hatethiscloset, Sep 4, 2012.

  1. hatethiscloset

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    Ok, so I have this best friend who I have been crushing on for about a year now. Aside from those feelings though, I am so happy to just have him as a best friend. But I am a VERY insecure person. Just as a little background, me and my friends are all pretty talented/successful in some way or another. I guess I'm just drawn to friends who have ambition like I do. And my best friend definitely fits into this group....He is the valedictorian of our class, practically a protege in music, is VERY good looking, and can get along with just about anyone. Don't get me wrong, its these things that make me so attracted to him....I just tend to feel so insignificant around him a lot :/ He and I are very alike in all of these aspects, but i feel like he is always just a little bit better than me at everything. None of this is his fault, either. He is extremely modest and even gets embarrassed when people make a big deal of his accomplishments. I'm just so insecure and being around him so much makes me feel like I'm not good enough. For example, today our class had to vote for the Senior Class Favorites. I got maybe one or two votes from some people on 1 category; meanwhile, he got tons of votes for like 4 or 5 categories. Also, everyone in my group of friends seems to want to be around HIM all the time. He's always the center of conversation, no one ever comes to me, I always have to go to them. There are times when this stuff really depresses me....I love being his friend but also hate that I have nothing I can say I'm really good at. All I want is ONE thing to be better than him at...anyone with any thoughts, feel free to share
     
  2. Ianthe

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    All I can say is that I think it would be a good idea to work on your insecurities a little. It can be hard though, I know.

    It sounds like he is a very talented person. Even if it really is true that he's better than you are at most things (which I doubt), it doesn't mean that you aren't good at them. Life isn't a contest. You can be good at something, even if someone else is even better. It doesn't sound like he thinks of you the way you are thinking of yourself--I assume he likes being your friend because you have similar interests, and he probably thinks of you as being talented, yourself.
     
  3. Gen

    Gen
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    I know how you feel. A few years ago I experienced a similar situation. Actually that exact situation except the that I was overall better at most things than him. But I always felt as though I was living in his shadow socially.

    I would say the best way to get over it is to overcome your own insecurities. He is modest about his accomplishments because normal dont claim to be perfect. Its normal to feel insecure around people who are "naturally talented" at multiple things, but never forget that they dont have everything. You are just as amazing as he is.
     
    #3 Gen, Sep 4, 2012
    Last edited: Sep 4, 2012
  4. hatethiscloset

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    Thanks. Yeah I brought this up to him a few times when i was feeling REALLY bad about it and he denied it and said im really talented too and blah blah blah. I just don't feel that way most of the time. This might sound silly but I'm even really hard on myself for feeling this way. Like from time to time I think "wow I am so insecure, idk how anyone even deals with me, i must be a lousy friend." At some points I even tend to feel sorry for my friends because they have to deal with me (strange, i know.) Like in specific instances where I do something dumb, I don't realize its dumb until I look back on it later. Lately though because of these insecurities I feel like getting mad at him over every little thing. I don't of course, because I know that's not fair to him, I just wish I could sometimes to get rid of the frustration.