First post, sorry if this is in the wrong section of anything like that. So basically, I am not ready to tell anyone that I am gay. However, one friend of mine knows. But anyway... This isn't a crush on my best friend story because I honestly don't know the sexual orientation of my friend. Basically, a good friend of mine from college is someone that I have grown very close to over the past couple of years. I'm in a friend group that probably doesn't think I'm gay but at the same time would not be surprised if I was. So basically my good friend did not have a girl friend all of college. In high school, I'm pretty sure he didn't either. I remember him liking one girl in college, but it didn't go anywhere and could have been a front. He's really smart, attractive, and kind, and he's also very quiet. We text a lot, but not flirty and hang out a good bit as well. A few years back he dropped me off after my going out and parked his car and got out and gave me probably the biggest hug I've ever gotten. Also, we would text each other lyrics of our favorite bands when we were drunk (and sober sometimes too). Every once in a while, he'll comment on the looks of a girl, but it's nothing too convincing. We were both really drunk a while back, and he gave me a kiss on the cheek. I don't know... I'm lost with it all. I'm not trying to date my friend or anything, I just think it's all a little weird. Being that a lot of people view me as questionable and no doubt talk about me being gay behind my back (despite everyone accepting my public front), it's weird that he would act this way? Am I right? Anyone have thoughts on this? He's pretty open minded... Should I just come out to him under the guise of trusting him as my best friend and see where it goes (he would be one of the first people I will tell)? Or just do nothing? ETA: we also frequently talk about how close we are and that we mean a lot to each other.
Hi, Welcome to Empty Closets! Yes, I absolutely think you should come out to him. It's not possible to date a guy who doesn't know you like guys. Why do you think everyone talks about you being gay? Most straight people do not think much about other people's sexuality. It's an obsession of gay people. I think coming out to him as a trusted friend and seeing how he responds is exactly the right idea.
Well, you're never going to find out anything if you don't come out to him. What have you got to lose? He's a really good friend of yours and it sounds like he'd be an accepting person.
Right. I agree... thanks y'all. To address the concern from earlier, I pretty much always knew I was gay. However, I really couldn't ever bring myself to accept it. I went to great lengths to convince people otherwise, and I think I've done a decent job--however, the people who know me best probably definitely have it in the back of their mind. Recently, I've came to terms with it. About a year ago, I had sex with one of my friends that's in the closet who has a long term girlfriend (they still date)... Also, I just found out another friend of mine who is really really straight--so I thought--is on a gay dating site. That hit me way out of left field. So yeah... I have a lot of undeniably straight, manly men who are my good friends. But the combination of those two being gay and me being good at being in the closet kind of made me question anyone else who was questionable in my friend group... Make sense? Also--back to the other friend. One time I tried to check out his dick while he was pissing somewhere and we were drunk. He got mad and knew what was up, but he never mentioned it again... maybe he didn't care in sobriety? Idk maybe I'm just searching for answers at this point... Thanks for any help.
