I'm done. I don't like me. I need to stop fooling myself.

It's really common for unrequited, or formerly requited now gone, love to result in depression, especially in gay and lesbian people who aren't out and so have few people to talk to about it. That was certainly my experience. A failed relationship sent me spiraling into a deeper and deeper depression, and it was made far worse by the fact that I could only tell a handful of people about it.

My advice to you, and what I did, was to find people I could trust to talk to about what was going on, and to find a therapist or counselor. If you're having thoughts of suicide, finding a counselor is imperative, even if you're certain you won't act on those thoughts.

Recovery from depression is possible, I'm living proof. Feel free to ask here or in a PM if you have any questions or want further advice.

 

Hey there, D4rk!

Your friend seems like a good guy. Hey, but he's just a guy like so many other guys. So you have a crush on him. Big deal! People have crushes on people all of the time. Sometimes the crush is mutually shared and sometimes it's not! Your friend is lucky to have you as a friend. He probably wouldn't even mind having a hook up with you, just to try it out.

However, if he doesn't, don't waste your time. There are plenty of guys out there for you. Perhaps, you're just stuck on one note. You need to create a melody and start living your life.

Find someone who will help you to blossom into an even more beautiful person than you already are...You need someone who will love to suck the last drop of nectar from the root of your essence. Someone who finds your very essence fragrant and and alluring. Someone who will appreciate you, as much as you do him. You need a mutual reciprocal kind of love, not some clingy one way insufferable self-loathing kind or longing for a dream deferred.

If this guy doesn't love you or want you in the same way that you want him, then just move on!

Save your sweet love for someone truly deserving of it!

 

Just to add to what Mogget said -

I would recommend setting some boundaries in terms of how close you're going to be to both of them as friends at this point in time. Given your situation, providing marriage advice and support might not be the best thing for you right now.

Normally I would also recommend telling this other person about your feelings, even if you don't expect them to reciprocate. This is mostly just because it puts all your cards on the table and helps them understand your behavior a lot, as well as set their own boundaries about what's going to be healthy for you. In this case, though, I'm not certain it would be a good idea - given the status of his marriage, it could easily come across the wrong way. But you know him best here, so it's up to you.

In the end, just try to respect him, his feelings, and the choices he's made - but don't forget to do the same for yourself.

 

Well, this might echo some of the previous ones a bit, but it bears repeating:

Right now, it seems like he's your only chance at happiness, and that if you can't have him, you won't ever be happy yourself.
But the real problem, IMO, is that you never should be dependant on just one person in the first place.

Don't get me wrong: it's OK to have a best friend that you're close to.
But... if that's all you have, then he's more like a lifeline than a best friend. And as any mountain-climber could tell you: it's bad to only have one lifeline.

The best way of getting over unrequited love, is also to have something else to do than obsessing over it (and I obsessed over one of my straight friends for 8 years myself.. your story definitely sounds similar). Quite often that involves telling about it to other friends, and letting it all out.
Don't get caught into a thinking of "only he understands me". This really is the time to tell a few other friends about what's going on.

You might also want to take a look at whether there's any GLBT groups near where you live. Going to one is a pretty intimidating prospect, but if you need support, there might be some people there who understand what this is like better than any straight person could.
(obviously, EC is also a bit like that. So if you feel that talking about it helps, feel free to come back to this thread and post as often as you want!).

Last but not least: if life seems to lose all meaning, I do endosre Mogget's idea of getting a councilor. Those people are trained to banish dark thoughts, or find ways to overcome them, so it could be one other step on the road to getting over this.

 

I understand the basic premise. Falling for a friend, being jealous of his happiness when he finds it with somebody else. But I don't understand the decade-long fixation on this dead end. I don't know your backstory, so maybe there's a reason you're stuck in the closet years after this started going down, but if you've moved into "I want to die" territory, it certainly doesn't seem like it's done you much good. And if your Son of Heaven (and family?) are cool with your orientation, I'm betting plenty of other people will be, too.

Sometimes you have to hit the wall before realizing you're going the wrong direction. And when you do, the right move is to trn in a new direction.

You have a cool guy in your life. Who can be your friend but not your boyfriend. So keep him as such. You may need a break from him, to help get your head back in place. If he asks, be (somewhat) honest. "Those feelings I had for you were starting to return, so I think I need to take a break from you to get my head back in place."

Then, work on coming out. There's a whole world out there for you. Even for us masculine gay guys. And it kicks ass.

Lex