1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Don't know what I've done wrong

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by randomflag, Sep 5, 2012.

  1. randomflag

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2012
    Messages:
    46
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Before I tried to kiss my friend she used to flirt with me non-stop through text, Facebook and face to face - winking, hinting and she told me (when very drunk) that she had feelings for me. When I kissed her, she didn't kiss back and when I asked her if she had feelings for me, she said, not in that way. I didn't realize I was bisexual until this girl and came out to 2 of my friends.

    I just don't understand why she would flirt and play on my emotions and when confronted, say nothing. Actions speak louder than words. She was very odd though and she used to always phone crying to get my attention, stop me texting other people when around her and when I used to hang out with other friends she would say how bored I looked in the photos and that it looked like a crap party.

    She seems very jealous of me but I don't understand why, she's really pretty and confident but can sometimes be over confident in restaurant situations, she'll complain rudely and she portrays a very tough persona.

    She has also turned a lot of friends against me and she likes to leave me out of social situations. I guess they're not real friends ? :-(I feel really hurt ...like I've done something wrong :icon_sad:
     
  2. AtheistWorld

    AtheistWorld Guest

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2012
    Messages:
    1,409
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    USA
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hi hun, I don't think you've done anything wrong, although I can see why you'd think that, but this girl is at fault for leading you on like that. Everything you said seems to indicate she's the one who wronged you, so please stop feeling guilty.

    For what reason there are people who are immature and choose to act like this. It's possible she did like you in the beginning but got over you once you started to like her back. Sometimes, crushes wear off easily after you've gotten what you wanted. Maybe that's why she reacted in an indifferent manner when you kissed her.

    Another possibility is that she's a control freak. What I'm thinking is that she led you on intentionally with the end being that she wanted to crush you. I had a habit of doing that to people all the time in a pathetic effort to minimize my own suffering. The Last time I did it, the story was very similar to yours, and knowing I shattered this girl's heart felt so amazing. Even now I don't regret it, because it was necessary to elevate myself from the rut I was stuck in.

    Think of it as trolling irl. Sometimes people can only do it online out of fear for their safety, but experts can branch out irl. That you say she's overconfident supports this hypothesis nicely enough, but I could be wrong of course.

    Also, the good cop bad cop thingy she's doing is MORE proof she's a troll. Trust me on that. You're really better off without this girl, because if she's got an illness (say borderline personality disorder) then she's trouble, she will make your life a living hell, and you'll regret not taking my advice. But hey, if you like being played, stay with her.

    Now that we've established that this girl's toxic, I'd implore you to take self defense courses. My fear is that she'll stalk you, because despite being a troll she might have genuine feelings for you. But if she's willing to backstab you by making your friends turn against you, that's a gigantic sign that something's wrong with her.
     
  3. randomflag

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2012
    Messages:
    46
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    For some reason, I never trusted her. I am so angry that someone would treat me this way! It's not right and I want to make her pay so bad! I never did anything wrong.
     
  4. Reader

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2012
    Messages:
    35
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    East Anglia, England.
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    (*hug*)This almost exact thing has happened to me recently, it's just awful!
    I'll begin by saying No, you have not done anything wrong!
    It's difficult to know, but to be honest she sounds controlling (I'm just guessing here!)- maybe she isn't sure about how she feels; she wants you all to herself but isn't sure she feels romantically or not?
    I know when you really love someone then you blame yourself instead of them (Getting corny, sorry) but you shouldn't! Talk to her casually, as you just would as friends, if she does anything flirtatious then tell her not to if she isn't genuine. Also, get in touch with new people! Maybe people you haven't seen in ages or something.

    Sorry if I'm being unhelpful, I've just realised I'm saying very simalar things to what people have said to me- " See new people, don't blame yourself!" But I am being sincere. Hope you are okay, I know it's the last thing you want to hear but maybe don't see her nearly as much as you used to for on or two months, otherwise everytime you see her all these feelings will come rushing back. But I hope you feel better soon, I noticed you're feeling sick? Good luck (*hug*) x
     
  5. randomflag

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2012
    Messages:
    46
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    thank you so much for your reply, so nice. it's time to get in touch with new people and make friends. i think her problem is personal as i know she's been hurt badly in the past and that she's still living at home at 30. she needs to grow up and realize that she can't treat people that way.
     
  6. Tycho

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2012
    Messages:
    140
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    ak
    Gender:
    Male
    She fits the profile of a controlling girl I once dated - things turned sour when I stopped bending over backwards for her and made her chase me. I warn you such individuals are like a plague, get away as soon as you can. I made the mistake of trying with this girl (she seemed perfect) and now I'm just stuck in the friendzone with strong feelings for her even though I know she's actually a b^tch. And she knows and actively plays with my emotions as a result.

    Honestly she may be just using you to fill a void in her life . Do not put yourself in a vulnerable position by trying to invest too much in such people. Keep her as a contact/acquaintance if you wish but nothing more.

    All in all, as others have said, you're not at fault. She may not even realize the extent of her actions. It could be a result of her personality or just things in her life not fulfilling her needs. Regardless, don't feel sorry for her if it is the latter. She needs to work it out without your suffering being the remedy.

    The end result is a learning opportunity for you. In the future you'll likely be able to identify such people before they can have a negative impact on your life. :thumbsup:
     
  7. Mango

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2012
    Messages:
    258
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Some very egotistical people gloat over the fact that they have the definite potential to have you in addtion to others. Once this potential is confirmed, they then move on to claim another potention "conquest". To them, you're like a bead on a string!

    Some of these types of people will go to extreme lengths if they can't seem to be able to quite claim you. If they perceive you as "playing hard to get", they will either do something to perform a last ditch effort to draw you close to them, just so that they can slam you harder, or they will try to somehow punish you out of spite for causing them to fail.

    There's almost nothing they would love more, than for them to see all of their little beads assembled together and fighting one another to gain greater recognition.
     
    #7 Mango, Sep 6, 2012
    Last edited: Sep 6, 2012
  8. Lewis

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 31, 2012
    Messages:
    1,477
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    I agree with the general consensus that you haven't done anything wrong at all. She shouldn't have overstepped the mark like that at all and allow you to develop feelings for her. My friend does similar things and I kissed him, he did actually kiss me back, but then moved away and said it felt 'weird' which upset me a lot at the time. We just have to stay strong because we're always going to encounter those that don't feel the same way, but continue to mess with out feelings.