Hello! Im a new member and i accidentally stumbled upon this site which looks like my final place where i can speak my mind. im 28 years old, male with serious doubts about my sexuality which is a source of great strain for me and has actually ruined all the other aspects of my life. Im unemployed and i live with my parents. I fooled around around with some young boys when i was a young boy but i dont remember anything sexual about those encounters probably because i was way to young to have such feelings. We just enjoyed rubbing or hugging or whatever. Well a combination of psychological issues, obesity and shyness led me to form my first sexual relationship with a girl (she was 20-21 and me 26,5 - thats last year). Everything was fine except for the sexual part. I had to be really horny to enjoy it. Most of the times i was going through the motions. In the mean time i was spending my libido (not really libido - just horniness and need to cum) masturbating at gay porn and sometimes having webcam sessions with random guys over such video sites. So when it came time to have sex with my girl i was kinda discharged. Anyway... i never told her anything about my gay porn addiction and absolutely nothing on me says that i might be gay. I have never expressed such feelings - not even to myself - to anybody and everybody assumes i am 100% straight. Last winter after an incident of extreme depression and mostly anxiety and panick attacks i finally broke up with her leaving her broken hearted and me devastated...! So after talking with my self about if i am really gay or just curious which took months, i finally wanted her back, but she now hates me because i was really abrupt with the seperation. I panicked really... Didnt know what to do... So i went through rough times... anxious about my unemployment and the possibility of being gay i spiraled into heavy depression which went away once spring kicked in and i started working out again and lost weight. It seemed i had forgotten about the whole gay thing and i fancied girls like walking down the street, looking at str8 porn etc... So august came and i met this girl which was really into me...during summer vacation... and she wanted to have sex with me literally a couple of hours after meeting her... So we hit the beach really late at night and started undressing... i was kinda horny but not very much. After giving me oral and inserting my thing into hers she stopped and told me that she felt like i was doin her a favor... So my gay fears kicked in and i immediately lost my erection and felt like absolute shit. Once this phase went away i got aroused again and penetrated her but after a while she pushed my away because i was not quick enough to orgasm. Mind you i was drunk and really tired and had masturbated some times the same day (not knowing i was going to have sex....) The next day was one of the worst of my life. I was convinced i was gay.... i thought i became an absolute fool and that the whole town would learn about the incident. Luckilly she didnt think that something terrible had happened - like i did - and forgot about it entirely. She wanted me to rest get my juices replenished and try again - she still is REALLY into me -.... So i didnt cum for 4 days and went to the place she works. I offered to drive her home and i kissed her... i felt totally different. I was horny and was feeling "in love"....meaning that i looked at her romantically and wanted to have sex with her in order to make the feeling complete. To this day (10 days later) i still fancy her and i want to kiss her again and be next to her. The thing however that has been killing me is that probably i m attracted sexually more to guys but have not still had a homo experience apart from porn. I must add that when i feel like really confident and "rolling" i never look at a guy that way. Its during bad periods that my homosexuality appears. For instance always after working out intensely i look at a girl and become stiff in no time. Then at days of pure shitiness i end up jerking to gay porn.... Wtf is wrong with me? I know im not 100% str8. I also consider the HOCD thing to be absolute bullshit. However the fact that i might be gay or that im not capable of falling totally in love with a woman IS DRIVING ME CRAZY. It is something that i cannot accept. I just cant. I can only forget about it to protect my self from going mad and even more depressed but when the issue comes up i just lose the ground beneath me... Seriously.... i turn into a fing zombie. Like a speechless statue. When i kissed that last girl i felt sth wierd.... i dont know if it was love but i remember getting hard and i stayed like that for hours until i fell asleep with a smile on my face... sadly i had to leave for my city a couple of days later and she was in the middle of breaking up with her previous shithead boyfriend so i didnt have the opportunity to see her again and i felt really bad about it. We are still talking and plan on meeting up in another city in between.... (i live in Greece - not exactly a gay friendly place) but the possiblity that i am fooling myself and accepting my homo or bi sexuality is really killing me. She really likes me and i dont want to lead her on like i felt did to my previous girl. But when i think about the beautiful moments we passed on the vacations i feel in love and i want to see her again and i forget about the whole gay thing.... Although masturbating to gay porn literally couple of hours before... So what's the deal? Am i in denial? Im i bi? The thing is that at least romantically i do feel things but the sexual thing gets in the way. Should i "save up" to get super horny and just go for it once again with her? I dont know what the fuck to do. Im just so fucking afraid to face the cruel truth... The possibility of me being totally gay is driving me crazy... i feel a failure in many ways but being unable to be a real man is the final blow. My parents are old and im afraid to tell them sth so awful... Remember this is greece and my parents are old fashioned... Im afraid to let them down so heavilly and also i think sth bad will happen to them from such news... They are up against financial problems, they worry about my unemployment...imagine telling them that i am a FAGGOT!! It will be the final blow and i really dont have anybody else to run to and i love them too much to harm them. So im just holding desperately on the str8 parts of me hoping that the gay thing is just in my mind....all the while worrying about not hurting the feelings of girls.... however i do want to be in relationships with girls.... maybe i just have not found the ONE to make me complete... Maybe i just have a purely sexual thing for guys but romantic for girls... Im so confused but my fear of myself makes me even more confused... and time passes by... Any help plz? :icon_sad:
i'm not in good place myself and i don't think i can give you any advide. but i thought you might need a big hug (*hug*)
Hi there! And welcome to EC! :smilewave While it might see like you're in a tough spot right now, I do hope that this place can help you figure out all of this better! Now, I will start off by saying that determining the details of sexuality is not something that others can unambiguously do for you. So it's not up to me to determine once and for all whether you're straight, gay or bi. At most, I can say it doesn't sound like you're a full 100% straight. Now, there are some things you can do to determine just how much you're romantically or physically attracted towards men or women. I think, however that, before you start that, it pays to take some deep breaths and try to let go of your anxiety just a bit. Looking at the whole of "what happens if I would be bi or gay?" is very intimidating, but the sheer anxiety you get from thinking about it all at once is also the thing that makes you unable to calmly think about what attracts you in men and women. SO: remind yourself that all of the following is just a mental exercise. You might find out you're bi, you might find out you're gay, but whatever you find out, the steps after that are entirely your own choice. Also, whatever you find out, you're always free to post about it on here and get opinions. You're not alone in this. Now, exploring can usually start with saying "what if this was a perfect world, and I was gay?". When you're alone, just wonder what it would be like if you were on holiday, and got asked out by a guy (or asked him out). Since this is a fantasy, you can really use any guy you like for this. Assume, for example, that he turns out to have a lot of similar interests, and that he looks like whatever guy in gay porn you really like getting off to. Take your time in imagining what it would be like to hang out with him and to talk with him. To share some jokes, and to walk by the beach, talking. If all of the above seems pleasant, then you can take it further and imagine he takes you home (or you stay on a secluded beach), and one of you moves in for the kiss. If that's still pleasant, continue imagining it goes even further (at this point I'll stop describing, but you watch gay porn, so you know how to continue :icon_wink). The key is to draw it out a bit, by the way. When I was in denial myself, I'd usually avoid all of the vivid imagination and just quickly get off to porn (I'd take minutes, at most). Rushing to orgasm had the effect that I didn't have to imagine whether I really liked a guy or not, and after it was over, it was easy enough to go back to normal life for a bit. It was only when I started thinking about what life with a guy would be like outside of bed, that I discovered I was probably not just a straight guy with a gay porn fetish, as I had been telling myself beforehand. You can (and should), of course, repeat all of that exercise with a female fantasy partner, possibly the girl you're planning on meeting. Seeing whether that fantasy is more pleasant or rather more boring can be a good comparison point. Personally, while I tried to fantasize about guys and girls (and even go all the way in both), I found that with girls, I ended up often getting bored halfway the fantasy, while with guys, I ended up going for the full fantasy everytime. It might be different for you. But whatever you find out, that will be good data to use. One other thing you can do, by the way, is trying to notice what exactly you're looking at in the porn you're watching right now. Porn isn't the ultimate test, but it can give some indication as well. For example: when you're looking at straight porn: what are you mainly looking at? do you imagine being part of it, and if so, what part are you imagining yourself playing? Similar to gay porn: what's the thing that arouses you about it most? And do you imagine you're there while you're watching it? Also, not to keep focusing on the porn, but you might want to try not associating it with feeling bad, or with failing your self-control. If you're feeling OK and horny, then you could say "hey, I'm feeling OK, but let's see if the gay porn still works for me!". Don't make it this guilty pleasure, but just one pleasure you can indulge in when alone. I'm already writing a novel here and others might come in with some other tips and advice. So I'll leave it at this (though I will look forward to a reply in this thread from you). One final note, though: no matter what the prevailing culture is: being attracted to men doesn't make you any less of a man yourself. In fact, it might even make you more of one for tackling this and working on getting to know yourself better. (Plus, among friends I sometimes even joke that not needing a woman makes gay people even MORE manly ). No matter what you find out, there will true friends who accept you for being just who you are. (*hug*)
Hi there and welcome to EC! You've come to the right place for sure. Filip has some really good suggestions. Only you can know for sure. When I was younger I wasn't as aware of my same sex attractions. I just assumed that I should be attracted to women - although I didn't actively pursue them. But I did date a woman, had sex with her (which was satisfying - because it was sex with someone rather than with no one) and we got married and had kids. I didn't know that a relationship with a man would make me feel more complete than one with a woman. So I think it's possible for you to be aroused by a woman and to feel romantic towards a woman even if you're gay. Because I was able to feel that way and I now consider myself to be gay - not bi. The other thing I wanted to say was that you're life is for you to live. Not for your parents. Not for friends and family. It's YOURS. And the only person who is going to look out for you and work at making you feel happy is YOU. Your parents are responsible for their own happiness and you are responsible for yours. If you really think this would be too hard for them to deal with right now then don't worry about telling them at the moment. (I know things are pretty rough in Greece right now...Being 28 and unemployed is pretty common from what I understand - so don't beat yourself up over that.) But don't let that stop you from living your life the way you were meant to live it. Keep hanging out here and writing about how you're feeling. It will help for sure.
Hi there, I have no advice for you but i want you to know that i feel the same way as you. You have actually put into words what has been driving me mad lately. I know how scary it is to discover that you may be gay and yet know that you can never possibly come out. As you have said the whole gay thing comes when i feel insecure. for example last week i had a really good time with my work and i felt great and only attracted to women. I hugged them, kissed them and charmed them. This week i feel like shit and consequently i feel only attracted to men and i really feel i need to be intimate with one. I dont man... i dont know... when u find ur answer pliz let me know.
You can say that again.... Generally im in need of support although for the first time in my life im finally thinking rationally and not panicking
IMHO most completely str8 guys want nothing to do with a penis. They don't fantasize about it! They don't think about it! They don't want to see one, and most definitely don't want to touch one in any way. It's not that way with bisexual men at all! So I say, that you're at least bisexual. In fact, if you can achieve an erection from being with your girlfriend and from watching gay porn, I think we can safely conclude that you are at least, somewhat bisexual. Gay guys don't usually achieve erections from watching or touching women. That usually, would have just the opposite effect. However, many gay guys love watching gay porn, and without it, their lives would just be intolerable!
It sounds like you're a bi-guy who wants to be either 100% into men, or 100% into women. My advice? Date who you want and tell them you're bi. I can't add much more since the above posters have covered the jist of it.
I appreciate your answer... thnx alot for your support! To be honest the urges i have consist of (when im in the mood) either giving oral and handjobs and being a top partner. I dont know if i can carry sth like this out in reality. Mainly younger guys seem attractive to me. This what i like from porn. But only when i am in a certain mood. Usually when im bored with regular porn. Now as far as the whole mental exercise that you mentioned i do have some point of reference. You see i have added some guys on skype with whom mainly i chat and theyre mostly bi and gay guys. My goal was to find someone likeminded to talk out my issues. So they are the ONLY people on earth that i can be myself totally with. So when in periods of seriously doubting my sexuality they are my only refuge so a friend/intimate relationship could be possible. However i prefer a girl because for some reason i feel it makes me complete. Its the sexual thing that gets in the way but mainly THE FACT THAT ITS VERY HARD TO CONFIDE STH LIKE THIS TO YOUR GIRL. Know what i mean? I read a post at another forum of a guy saying that he felt he was bi and finally decided to tell his girl. Up to that point the sex was ok but just ok because of him obsessing on his same sex attractions. Once he told her, he thought she would dump him but it ended up after some tears in the most amazing sex this couple had had till then. I dont know if this relationship is still standing but for sure it reminded me ALOT of my situation. You see its not that my previous girl did not turn me on. It was the intrusive thoughts and doubts that made me reserved when having sex. At nights of great horniness during which my gay tendencies where forgotten the sex was satisfying. But then i felt the urge again to log on and get off. To be honest i can't picture 100% accurately the outcome of a relationship with a guy but from i am currently standing its possible at least from a sexual point of view. Apart from sex i already have had friendships with guys that were based on same interests, having fun together, having long talks etc but never did a sexual attraction arise. Like NEVER seriously. I dont know if im just wired to act this way due to being brought up in a str8 environment but seriously it never occured to me. At least with my friends.
I totally agree with the part of living the way WE LIKE and not how the goddamn society dictates. Sometimes i get so angry that while being a talented (i am a well respected guitar player) educated and good looking man i cannot live it to the fullest because of a possibility of fancying men... i know its mainly a problem in my head and nothing more but it is still there and driving me crazy. Listen... when i look at older men (sth that many gay teens and young guys fancy alot) i am disgusted... i cannot stand the idea of kissing a grown man. Its guys my age or younger (of course not kids) that seem attractive to me. I dont know if its erotic or just "admiration" but its definitely there. However being able to perform both with men and women i believe technically makes you bisexual. A 100% gay guy could not possibly perform with a girl. I have heard that vaginas actually disgust them. This is not the issue with me and i believe you too. In spite of preferring men over women. Maybe you are a 30/70 bisexual.... if you know what i mean. For instance because the only thing and point of reference i have is porn and cyber sex i have to say that when i "use up" my gay cravings then its only women that turn me on. Its like i get bored of men and want women and vice versa. However when im checking out guys if a really hot girl passes by she earns my interest. For instance with the girl i had the one night stand with i feel i can talk freely and be myself with (apart from the gay thing of course)...its the first girl that wanted sex without the sentiment, we got stoned together, we got drunk and we clinged and this is why despite all my anxiety i still keep in touch. And i believing when we do make love it will be great because she stirred up all those feelings of romance... i literally was crying when i had to leave the island and i couldn't see her again. Could i be going all these emotions and still be gay? Bisexual at least id say but however i cannot remember such feelings for a guy....Am i forcing myself to feel this way? Could i be in such deep denial? I want to thank you to for your support man. PS is the avatar your actual car? I love AUDIS! (i believe its an audi)
Pm me if you want to talk about it... ---------- Post added 6th Sep 2012 at 01:15 PM ---------- Actually i get erections just by touching a girl i like... I know girls attract me... its the fact that i have a thing for gay porn and penises that its killing me. I remember however distinctly of accidentally seeing a penis or a male ass and feeling disgusted and other times turned on. Its really confusing ---------- Post added 6th Sep 2012 at 01:19 PM ---------- I do want to be 100% into gals. No offence for the LGBT community but for me my life will be much carefree without having to deal with sth so taboo.. esp where i live... However i know its sth that i cannot control...i also have come to the conclusion that trying to repress it or "change" it is CATASTROPHIC... even more than coming out to the whole world if you know what i mean.... The fact that i dont have a friend i can trust enough to reveal sth like this and the fact that im homophobic enough to at least "try" has caused a great deal of the depression i am currently going through...
