Why did I ever do this?

How can I help?

I want you to know you aren't alone, first of all. I have been suicidal in the past - I *know* that it hurts - please now just breathe.....take a moment.

Things will get better - they got better with me. Don't take such a permanent step! You'd hurt all the people that love you. Please just stay with us all. I can talk all day if you want.

Just don't do anything permanent, OK?

 

It is ok to be overwhelmed. It is ok to feel hopeless. It is ok to feel like the whole universe is against you. It is, however, NOT ok to give up. No matter what, you never lose your chance untill you let it go. So be brave and fight on.

Here is something I always tell myself: If the world rejects you, don't change yourself to be accepted, change the world so it accepts you. And you can only do that when you are alive. That is why you are fighting to hold on, my dear, because if you let it go, all that you have achieved will be for naught. You has already acomplished a great deed by comming out, so please, continue, keeping up your fight for your life, as we are behind you.

So, now that you made your mind up to keep on living, let us see where we can go on from here. Pro tip: Don't look too far into the future, nor dwell too long in the past. It will confuse you. Look close to you, make small plans first, so it won't be too much to handle. Answer this: What can I do NOW to help myself? And don't say there is nothing you can do. There ARE many thing you can do rather than sitting still and let others take control of your life.

Although I don't know much about your family and I can only guess, I will try to help you. Is there any relatives you can rely on and help you? Any friends (this includes people like your teachers and such too) that you can trust? Your best bet right now is to make a plan to get out of that house ASAP, because living with people that don't accept you is a horrible experience, and I believe both you and your family need sometime alone to rethink and settle all that emotion first. In worse case scenario that your family refuse to have you, you can still ensured of having a place to live with your relatives and/or friends. In the best case, your family will understand by time.

Best of luck.

Edit:

Look, NO ONE, absolutely NO ONE, can dictate you who you are or who you will be, until you believe in them. Live as a good person, with love, passion, and respect for others is all it takes to have people accept you. Think about it. If you help a million people, the first thing people would think about you, is not that you are a "pervert", it is that you are a good person that has helped a million people.

So don't be afraid.

 

I'm certainly glad you said that!

I have to agree with RainDreamer's advice. Live in the now, and start planning.

Try some positive affirmations - for everytime you tell yourself that your Mom is right, tell yourself something good! I mean it, say something to yourself about that you are special, you are valuable, that you are a good person! You may not believe it now, but do it. Your Mom is brainwashing you to hate yourself, but you can change it by affirming yourself *to* yourself.

 

I'm so sorry that your mom said those mean things to you because they are absolutely not true and you know it. And as you know suicide is never the answer, things will get better in time; I can personally attest to that. My mom was pretty accepting of me, but my sister was not and she acted funny towards me for a while. It really bothered me because we lived together and it was like, she was a stranger.

You need to tell your mom to stop saying those mean things to you because she is supposed to be the parent but she's being a bully. Perhaps, you should talk to a trusted adult at school because your Mom's behavior is completely unacceptable. She should not be trying to make you feel bad about with you are. I know that parents are supposed to love us unconditionally, but unfortunately everyone isn't as fortunate. Do you have any relatives who would be okay with you staying with them? If things don't change soon, you can always become legally emancipated from your parents. No child deserves to go through what you're going through, I'm so sorry. For now, google emancipation...do any of your relatives know about you?

 

You... are not a slut or anything like that. DONT EVER LET ANYONE GET INTO YER HEAD LIKE THAT!

You are a human being! You are not a coward. You are strong!
We love you here and we are here for you darling, this is yer chance to begin your life and discover yourself, this is your chance to break away from the pack and go the path you want to follow!

But please don't go down the dark path. The path of suicide is horrifying.

*major hug* If ya need a friend, I am here to talk to! Be strong little one!

 

I can relate to health problems.

I wish I had better ideas. All I can do really is listen, if that helps.

 

Hey I'm not sure I can help at all but I wanted to say I know exactly what you are feeling. Because of my financial situation I am forced to live with my parents and I have had eating disorders and behavioral health issues and I'm a cutter and nobody knows about any of it. Just know that there is nothing you cannot find a way through. At the end of the day, you have passed an entire day. It can be so hard at times but truly find out what makes you happy and sane and helps you clear your head and stick with it. If there is nothing, keep coming on here and we will keep you going. If nothing else, know that you are not alone. It sounds cheesy but it really actually helps sometimes.