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Coming out at college

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Jared, Sep 5, 2012.

  1. Jared

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    So I'm going back to college in three weeks and I'm thinking that I want to be out this year. I'm just not really sure how to do it. I've been looking into the LGBT groups on campus and I think I should join, but the thought of actually going to one of the meetings makes me so nervous. Part of the problem is that I'm a very shy and introverted person, so I like to stick to myself and keep a low profile, and coming out and joining a LGBT group is about the exact opposite of that.

    I'm not the kind of person who when meeting a new person can say, "Hey I'm ______, nice to meet you, oh and by the way I'm gay." As for coming out to people I already know I'm not really sure how to bring it up in a conversation without forcing it. I think part of the reason that coming out makes me so nervous is that it's all seeming real now, that I'm gay and won't ever have a wife. I've pretty much accepted that I'm gay, but I still have that little bit of doubt in the back of my mind, and it doesn't want to go away without a fight. Any advice would be awesome and maybe a few good kicks in the butt too.
     
  2. Night Rain

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    I think many LGBT people are like that, shy and introvert. You should try out to see if you'll fit in.

    You could wear a pride bracelet? It's pretty much the easiest way to come out.
     
  3. Mango

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    It's a good idea to go to an LGBT meeting in order to meet new people. Befriend as many people as you can. However, no matter what, just make certain that you give your contact information to one of the leaders or organizers of the meeting. Let them know that you're still questioning somewhat, but leaning more towards gay confirmation. Also express your desire to establish a platonic relationship with more LGBT members. Let them know that you'll be willing to volunteer a few hours per month for LGBT efforts on campus (if at all possible).

    Hopefully, soon you'll be in touch and finding out loads more about yourself, and others as well.

    Good Luck! :thumbsup:
     
  4. Bree

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    You don't even need to tell people you're gay, even if you join a pride group. Being gay isn't the definition of who you are. If it comes up, be honest. People won't automatically assume you're straight, so you've got some leeway there.
     
  5. pinklov3ly

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    You know you can come out without having to say anything. That's what I did in a subtle way, but I'm not sure if anyone realized it. I went to school for Criminal Justice and any/the majority of my assignments were lgbt related. Well, at least in my composition classes and I did a paper about hate crimes against the lgbt community. Oh, yeah and I wore a bracelet with rainbow colors; I think most people figured it out.

    Unfortunately, I went to a private college and they didn't have a lgbt club that I could join, but also I was in denial at the time. I'm extremely shy as well, but sometimes you have to pretend like you have a ton of confidence even if you don't and it actually works. I should know believe me, I've been faking it for years and I'm really insecure and nervous all the time. Once you introduce yourself to one person, it becomes easier to talk to other people.

    Have you been medically diagnosed with anxiety? I have and I'm actually taking Xanax for it, which really helps; the benefits outweighs the side effects. Although, they can be annoying.
     
  6. Jared

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    I've thought about this, but I'm not sure anyone would really notice it. Des anybody here have experience coming out this way?

    I have been and I take Celexa and it helps so much, I was pretty much a nervous wreck before and I'm still nervous and anxious a lot, but nothing like before. I've been lucky and haven't had any side effects.
     
  7. castle walls

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    I'm in the closet and I wear a bisexual pride bracelet. I've been wearing it for about a year now and I have yet to get a single comment about it. Granted, it could be because some people do not recognize the bisexual colors but others on EC have worn pride gear and have had few people notice. Here's a link to a thread on that
    http://emptyclosets.com/forum/support-advice/67436-what-do-you-think-about-wearing-certain-tags-hint-your-sexuality.html

    It is also mentioned briefly in this thread
    http://emptyclosets.com/forum/chit-chat/67919-when-wear-your-pride-bracelet.html

    I'm not saying don't buy pride gear. In fact, I think pride gear is awesome. I'm just saying that it may not out you.

    I'm thinking about going to an LGBT meeting in my area for the first time. I'm really nervous about the whole thing and I'm not great in social situations with people I don't know. We could start our own mini going to an LGBT meeting for the first time support group!:lol:

    If you want to be out, I think joining a club on campus would be a good choice. You would be visibly connected with an LGBT organization, you might be able to make some friends, and you may be able help others in the LGBT community
     
  8. Jared

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    YES!!! A support group for people too nervous to go a LGBT group would be awesome. :roflmao:
     
  9. castle walls

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    I wonder how many members we'd have if we did start one :lol: . The meeting I'm thinking about going to is next Thursday. Lets see if I get the courage to go

    As for coming out to people you already know, you could just tell them when it comes up in conversation (like if you're talking about attractive celebrities or something). You could also casually tell them "just so you know, I'm gay". I've come out to people using both methods. I've only ever sat down with someone and had a long conversation about it if I'm not sure how they're going to take it. Those are just some ideas
     
  10. suninthesky

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    I'm in!
     
  11. BudderMC

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    But... would anyone even show up, or would everyone be too nervous? :lol:

    Maybe gather a group of the people on EC who want to go to their respective LGBT group's meetings but are too nervous (myself included), and make a "pact" of sorts to make sure everyone actually goes? Humans are consistent by nature, so if someone is expecting us to do something, we try pretty hard to make sure it gets done.

    (It's kinda similar to how I'd tell a friend that I'm coming out to ___ today, for both the encouragement and the idea that they're going to be following up in a couple hours, so I'd better have good news or a damn good excuse!)

    I'm trying to think of attending my group as comparable to posting on EC. It's gonna be scary as hell to go, but really, everyone there can relate to everyone else (to some extent), and everyone is there to meet other people in a safe space. You just gotta get your feet wet a bit somewhere, and then soon enough, you can start contributing to the group like you'd contribute to EC by posting. The only scary part is the fact that everyone there will know you're gay, but hey... who there is really gonna give a shit (in a bad way)? My guess is nobody, so go do it! (and let us know how it goes!) :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  12. suninthesky

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    I'd make a pact if someone else makes a pact. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    Also, Cornella93, so as not to deviate from the topic too much, I just wanted to say that I'm in the exact same position for you. So I don't have advice, but I'm certainly following your thread. =]
     
  13. Jared

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    I'm all for making a pact to do it, I'm afraid I'll chicken out if I don't have some motivation.
     
  14. madanesor

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    I am so down for a pact. I tried to go to a meeting last year... walked by the room three times but never went in lol
     
  15. castle walls

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    I am down to make a pact as well. I made a thread about starting a pact so it'll be easier for other members to find and join in on.

    Sorry for getting off topic Cornella93. I don't mean to hijack your thread. I wish you the best of luck! :thumbsup:
     
  16. ImpossibleSoul

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    Hi! I'm in a very similar situation. I've been thinking about going to a GSA meeting at my college, but I feel like I need to come out to my friends here first. Maybe once I do that, I will have more courage to attend a meeting. I am also very shy, so coming out to a group of strangers would be pretty scary. I completely agree that the idea of coming out can be so nerve-wracking when it starts to seem so real. It's something you've thought about so many times, but in reality it seems almost impossible.

    Let us know if any of you end up going and tell us how it went!
     
  17. Thewitt

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    I am kind of in the same situation as you. I am out to my friends at college but I want to go to the gay group on campus. However, the thought of going makes me so nervous and afraid. I just feel like i am going to be judge and I usually do not care who judges me but something about going is so frightening.