Hello everybody, I am new here and figured I'd give this a shot since nobody else knows my situation. I am a 17 year old male (18 in October) and a senior in high school. I know I am gay, don't deny that, but am indeed "in the closet". I'll just give a bit of background of who I am. I am not one of those people that you can easily tell is gay; I have asked my friends if they think or thought I was gay and they say no, and I asked them to be honest. However, in middle school, people would often call me gay because most of my friends were girls or at times I would seem rather flamboyant (looking back, I don't really blame them). Now in high school, I am MUCH more mature, my voice is deeper, and in general, I'm just another guy at the school. Unfortunately, all of my friends are girls; any guy friends I had went to another school or moved away. In high school, I really did not make any new guy friends. I try not to sound rude or cynical, but the guys at my school are NOT friend material for me. For some reason, there is a CLEAR line that separates the AP/honors students (me) from the college prep students. Very few students fall in between with a mix of both. Unfortunately, I never clicked with any of the AP/honors guys; some were either really awkward others were just, I don't know. I kind of blame myself for being introverted up to around my junior year; it's kind of too late now to make any close guy friends this year. Now the weird part is that the rest of the guys changed their attitudes towards me. Guys that I immediately thought would assume I was gay treat me with great respect, almost fearful it seems. I don't think I'm intimidating at all, but maybe because I'm an honors/AP student, they think I'm a genius or something (I'm definitely not a genius). I really don't know. I mean, I'm not complaining, I even see some of them attempting to build a friendship, but unfortunately I cant do it because a minute later, I hear them talking about how their favorite summer memories are the ones they can't remember, implying things that I would rather not know involving alcohol and drugs probably. We simply aren't friend material. The ones that seemed like really great people had WAY too many friends, so I seemed rather insignificant and just put it to rest. Now let me explain my "gay self". I am definitely attracted to men, but in a different way. This is where I could probably use the most advice. I know a good-looking guy when I see one, and I often catch myself looking at them more than I should when I see one out in public. I think every part of a guy is attractive except, shocker, the genital/anal areas. Put a good-looking guy in just boxers or shorts and I'll be staring; strip them naked and I'll lose interest... fast. This leads to my thoughts on a relationship with a guy. The farthest I would go sexually is kissing/cuddling whatever. I would NEVER have sexual intercourse with a guy. It boggles my mind, really. I don't know how common this is, but from what I research, it's not too common. When I see people defining sexuality and questioning their own, it tends to revolve around the question: Who do you want to have sex with? My answer is nobody, but I'm still very attracted to guys. I have researched the made-up term "g0y" and it suits me rather perfectly, but seems very unrealistic and risky (if you don't know what it is, look it up). (I tried to keep this as clean as possible) The reason I mentioned my school-life is because I will be going to college next year, and I know that I will find guys that I will like physically and emotionally. However, I have no clue how I would even approach this situation. I am very comfortable being "in the closet" especially since my preferences are rather complicated, but I can see this being rather painful in the near future. I don't even know how to approach this. Do any of you know anybody like this, or are you like this yourself? Opinions? Advice? Comments? Lay it down, I would like to receive feedback about this situation.
It pretty much sounds like you could be asexual. Asexual people can be sexually attracted to others, but they have no desire to have sex with them.
First of all, I feel like most of that post was written by ME lol. we sound really alike. As for your situation, how long have you been accepting you are gay? Its possible if you are just starting to accept it, there is a part of you that just gets weirded out by the actual act of sex. I remember going through a period like this. Eventually as I got more comfortable with it I realized I wanted guys physically AND emotionally.
Lance - I have very much considered calling myself that, but that almost sounds like I don't want a relationship at all, when I can't really say that's true. If I found the right person, I would want a relationship, but we will NOT be doing what most couples do in bed. However, it does apply to me. It just sounds so misleading... hatethiscloset - I've been accepting myself as being gay for a long time, I'm just not out to anybody and kind of prefer it stay that way for now. I don't really think sex is weird, I think it's disgusting. I wish I didn't I guess, but I do. There is a possibility I will change those views, but I don't see it happening any time soon. I mean like I said, I would gladly embrace a guy and kiss or whatnot, but I will not have sexual intercourse.
It just seems very gross to me... and uncomfortable. I really wish I felt differently, but I have tried to convince myself and it just doesn't work. I personally find kissing and feeling up on somebody to be sexual, but that is foreplay for most people. It also seems more intimate than penetration. I'm a mess, haha. This is why I feel like I should just give up; nobody, or very few, understand how I feel, and I can't imagine I would ever meet somebody who felt the same way that I actually liked.
