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Confusion

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by jakebrian, Sep 6, 2012.

  1. jakebrian

    Regular Member

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    Okay so I've never done this before but I'm needing some advice from people who are experienced with this kind of thing.

    Here is my dilemma:
    I've had this guy friend for just about 6 years now and we've been really close on and off. Recently i went out to his lake cabin with him and two other friends of ours that are girls. We all drank a little one day and went to have a nap. The girls ended up sleeping in one bed so me and my guy friend went to the other room to nap in his bed. As we were lying there our legs touched and we started to slowly pretend that we were just moving around in the bed but pushing our legs and bodies closer together. Eventually after a while, his hand was at my crotch and he started rubbing me. I started to thrust slightly into his hand movements and he then put his hand down my pants. He hand his hand on it and turned to me and said " we can't tell anyone about this" i said okay and we continued. I then went for his but he said "I cant do this." after that it stopped there. I texted him a week later asking him about what had happened and he said that he just wanted to forget it ever happened and that if i was gay he didn't care but he wasn't. He explained to me that he had woken up and that i had noticed his hand position so he just went with it. It sounded like a far fetched excuse. We have hung out with other friends and basically forgot that the whole thing ever happened. I have strong feelings for him though and don't want to forget what happened between us. I want things between us to continue. We haven't hung out alone (just us two) for over two years but i want us to. What do i do to break him out of his shell without ruining what we have?
    Thanks
     
  2. Jim1454

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    Hi there, and welcome to EC!

    Yours is not an uncommon story. And unfortunately you might not want to hear what seems to be the common advice that is given: he has told you he isn't gay and that's what you have to assume until he tells you otherwise. You can't coerce or drag his orientation out of him. He has told you he is straight, and you have to accept that.

    If you are thinking that you're gay, that's fine. And he has told you that he'd be OK with that. So if you believe that you are, then you could come out to him as gay. But even if he is gay, he obviously isn't ready to admit it, and pressuring him to do so would likely push him away.

    Yes, most of us if we were in your situation would want the same thing you want. For your good friend who you like very much to open up to you and admit that they're gay, and that they have feelings for you, and that they had wanted to go farther that day in bed but were afraid... But that's not your reality.

    You can certaily be open and honest with him - in stating that you do think you are at least bi, that you really liked having him touch you like that, but that you respect his desire to not talk about it and you also understand that he isn't gay and doesn't want to do it again. Then youv'e at least made your position clear and he might be more comfortable with his own feelings around it - knowing that you're not offended by what he did.
     
  3. jakebrian

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    Thanks a lot for the reply :slight_smile: I appreciate the feedback!