I'm currently living in an apartment with 4 other roommates. I'm not sure when or how I should come out to them. All 4 of them are religious. 2 of them are for sure Conservative. 1 is Liberal. The other, idk. Most of them are probably not for LGBT rights but they won't shun gay friends, especially gay guys. They believe homosexuality is a sin as far as I know. They have had convos about gay people before. Guessing which guy is gay is like their favorite game to play. 1 of them said she "has homosexual friends and won't judge them but doesn't agree with the lifestyle." She also said it was a choice.... Another roommate said gay men are awesome and she wants to go to a gay club. She said gay women are probably cool too but she doesn't know many. :smilewave Back home I was in a GSA and I mainly only hung around my GSA friends. With them I could be openly gay and no one cared. I went to a gay club, gay events, was in a drag show, went to Pride. It was freeing. Now it's like I'm back in the closet again. It's suffocating. My apartment closet is ironically pretty small. The reason why I'm wondering when I should come out to them is because I'm getting very annoyed by little things. Like, when they talk about guys. Or hot guys. Or boyfriends. Or sex. Anything straight. :dry: Or when they ask me small questions that I can't answer without coming out. I can't contribute to their conversations so I stay quiet. Anyway sorry for the rambling. When or how should one come out to roommates? Is there a specific point in time when you just can't take it anymore and you have to come out?
I say, wait until you're certain that you have made friends and bonded with them first. That way, they will be more inclined to judge you in a positive light. They will also associate you with the more pleasant things that they like about you than the minor negative things that they don't like about you. Meanwhile, be very nice to everyone, until it's time to hatch!
Personally, I'd say it would probably depend on your readiness to explain and as long as your gonna be safe. Not that its bad or anything, but staying longer in the closet kinda makes the people think that you arn't ok with being gay, or that it is something to hide from them and may give them the wrong idea thinking its a bigger deal than it actually is. People get the "its your personal life so people don't need to know". but the thing is right now it seems like your trying actively to hide your fabulous gay self. Personally i think the fact that your thinking about it now is a pretty good indication. You don't deserve to feel bad about it. Maybe next time the gay topic comes up or guys come up, just tell them as if its something they "should" already have known. Like, "seriously how could you not have figured it out yet??" lol... It seems to always work for me. Or!!... if your up for it, there are some pretty funny suggestions somewhere on EC for creative ways to come out. Maybe a big party banner that says "I'm a big homo"?
It's not "like" you are back in the closet again. You are actually back in the closet again. I would have suggested being out from the start, but obviously it's too late for that. You should just start talking like a gay person instead of being quiet. Why did you move in with homophobic people?
I'm kind of in the same situation to some extent. I'm living with friends of mine from (Catholic) high school. They are all under the assumption I'm gay, but we don't really talk about it. Like ever. A few 1 on 1 heart to hearts in the past with all of them, but its still something that I just feel uncomfortable to talk about with them. Only one I've told that I "wanted to be a girl." And none of them know I've started HRT. Kind of stressing me out.... Like a lot. I know its easier said then done, but it sounds like they wouldn't really have a problem with you coming out. I mean, at least not to the point where they would treat you poorly.
Now THIS is the $100,000 question! Why in the world would you deliberately walk into a deep pool of quicksand? " Hey! I know that I'm just a delicious young Ladybug, but that spider web sure does look relaxing...I think I'll just mosey on over there and take a very long nap..." :eusa_doh: Oh, the things that we do when we're young...I could write a book all about it!
Obviously there are many, many reasons why one may end up with homophobic roommates (one being that you didn't know beforehand) so can we stop with this stupid question please? Let's help the OP rather than doing something completely unnecessary.
I went to a catholic school so I know how you feel, mostly religious people are against anything what is not heterosexual. I think you should start talking to them about something else, not directly about you. For example: you heard some gay news and then ask for their opinion.
The question is not stupid. It's just something asked out of curiosity... My comments afterwards, were most probably unnecessary and stated out of the clear remembrance of doing similar things when I was much younger, and then just wondering why in youth, we humans end up in such situations... I can assure you, my statements weren't made in any intended malicious or insulting manner. If so, by admission, I would be insulting myself for making the same types of mistakes in my youth, as well...
Thanks everyone who gave advice! Thanks, I have been around them for a month and they seem to be ok with me as a person. We always laugh together and the homophobic-ish roommate is always excited to see me and she never really likes hanging out with the other roommates. I am nice to them all and joke around with them all. Thanks for your advice. They might assume I have a problem with being gay. I do in a way because I can't express myself without feeling a bit of shame. I have some internal homophobia that keeps me from ever feeling 100% comfortable being "out" in public. I told my mom 7 years ago and still feel embarrassed and unable to talk about my sexuality. I'm getting better. I think your ideas are very good lol acting like it was no big deal and like they should have already known. To answer your question, I didn't know my roommates before I moved in with them. I had no choice in who I was going to live with because it was by random assignment. They were total strangers just a month ago so I've been getting to know them slowly. Everyday we laugh together and they're good people overall...just the fact that they are somewhat homophobic. I don't think all of them are homophobic though. You're right I'm back in the closet. It sucks.
