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Being called a "breeder"

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by AllyCat, Sep 6, 2012.

  1. AllyCat

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    I was at my first Pride this June and I was wearing a T-shirt that said "Gay? Fine by me". I was getting a frozen lemonade and the guy at the kiosk said "Breeder? Fine by me too". This was the first time I'd ever heard that so I was kind of taken aback and didn't know what to say.

    Since then, I've been called a 'breeder' several times by LGBT people. At first it was kind of funny, especially if I had just watched an episode of Maury. But the more I think about it, the more I really don't like being called that. The number of children I have brought into this world is exactly zero, and I don't know if I will ever have children. Some people are just krazy for kids and some aren't and I guess I fall into the latter category. I just don't like the idea of someone assuming I'm some kind of slore who pumps out babies like rabbits simply because I'm straight.

    So here's the skinny: next time someone calls me a 'breeder' I would like to tell them that I'd rather not be called that. But at the same time, I don't want to be confrontational or patronizing or make them feel embarassed. So does anyone know of a way I can get the message across but not make the other person feel bad? Thanks!
     
  2. BradThePug

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    Well.. I've never hear that term before.

    You could always just say something along the lines of "I would not like to be called a breeder." Or "Would you please not call me that, it makes me feel ____" You can tell them not to feel bad about it also. They will not know that this is offending you unless you tell them.
     
  3. Kerze

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    If anything, the term is affectionate. It's just a joke but if you don't like it then ask them not to call you it.
     
  4. Lance

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    I would just say that I don't care for that word being used in reference to me. I wouldn't call a straight person a breeder, I don't think it's a very nice term either.
     
  5. Mango

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    Usually when the term, "breeder" is used, it's used within the context that a straight person has either just said or done something slightly offensive to a gay person. I say "slightly", because "breeder" is only intended to be mildly offensive, when used without an adjective. It's a word generally used in retaliation. There are actually much worse things that an anti-gay person could be called!

    Nobody could ever really be that offended by the term because without breeders we wouldn't really be here feeling so verbally assaulted...

    PS.

    Your T-Shirt was probably misinterpreted as ..."Who are you to validate us?...Maybe we should validate you, too!"
     
    #5 Mango, Sep 6, 2012
    Last edited: Sep 6, 2012
  6. Lewis

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    What a ridiculous term. Just tell them to stfu.
     
  7. Bree

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    I it think of it as a teasing word, not as offensive, although with the right tone it probably could be. The person shouldn't get offended if you ask them not to call you that, and if they do, they're probably heterophobic and might not be worth your time.
     
  8. Chip

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    It might be generational. I know the word was commonly used when I was at Oberlin in the late 80s and early 90s. It was used affectionately and jokingly, and many straight men referred to themselves as breeders.

    I wouldn't take offense to it in any way, and I think the comment the guy made was intended to be supportive/appreciative, not bothersome.
     
  9. Mango

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    This is quite true...

    The statement very well could have been a supportive one, instead of a retaliatory one!
     
  10. DoriaN

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    I remember my father talking about certain LGBTs that were hostile to straights and would call them 'fucking breeders'.

    You know how the hate train goes both ways, in my eyes its like a racial slur, kinda like the opposite of fag, etc.

    Whether thats what it actually means idk, but I don't care for the term myself in the slightest.
    *shrug*
     
  11. Ianthe

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    I wasn't present, so I won't say whether it was intended offensively in any particular instance or not. I've heard it both ways.

    But I do think it's at least possible that the kiosk guy's comment was intended to point out something that bothered him about your shirt.

    Let's look at what happens when we replace "gay" with some other kind of inherent characteristic. "Disabled? Fine by me!" "Native American? Fine by me!" "Brunette? Fine by me!"

    I mean, it's like, "Oh, thanks, I'm glad my basic existence is acceptable to you."

    So he may have been just trying to gently point out that your privilege was showing. Or, if he seemed hostile, maybe not gently. I don't know if I'd go as far as to call it "retaliation" though, necessarily.
     
  12. AllyCat

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    Yeah the particular guy at Pride probably meant it as a joke. I've heard it both ways, meant as a joke and meant as an insult. And as far as being bothered about my T-shirt, I got it at a Day of Silence event at my school, so I didn't think about it bothering anyone.
     
  13. Ianthe

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    I know, I'm just trying to explain why some people might have been bothered. Obviously, your intention was to be supportive. I just wanted to help you understand the offense some people might have taken. Most people would have understood your intention, so I don't think you need to feel bad.
     
  14. Pret Allez

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    You have a right to demand that people stop calling you that. People will try to say that sometimes it's a word of endearment, and "the context matters." That's just defending a derogatory word we came up with.

    I really hate to see people treat our allies this way. Although I think what Ianthe is saying is right. It's possible he thought the shirt was in poor taste. Still, he should figure out a better way of saying so.
     
    #14 Pret Allez, Sep 6, 2012
    Last edited: Sep 6, 2012
  15. AllyCat

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    Well now that kind of scares me because, like I said, I got it at a Day of Silence event. If I can't wear a shirt that I got at a gay rights event to another gay rights event without upsetting someone, then who do you trust, you know?
     
  16. Mango

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    Hey there AllyCat!

    You know, some gays have been through so much stuff, that they don't care if you're an ally or not, they're just so bitter, that they hate anybody that's not gay, just like them. They therefore, walk around with a mental machine gun, complete with a hair trigger. No matter how pure your actual intentions, they're most likely going to try to shoot you down, anyways.

    There's just no pleasing some people! However, please don't judge us all for the actions of a handful of ingrates....

    I personally thank you and love you, for both your concern and support! :kiss:
     
  17. DoriaN

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    Yeah just like mango said too, its a word that segregates others, like a race.

    Some gays hate straights so much they are predjudice, and some straights hate gays so much they are predjudice.

    "fuckin faggot!"
    "fuckin breeder!"

    Its really sad but thats the evil of humans.

    Don't fret though ally, if anyone gives you issues stand up for yourself! You did nothing wrong!
     
  18. Ianthe

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    Well, different gay people have different ideas about what is offensive. And of course, they don't know where you got the shirt, although it's clearly meant to be supportive.

    I think it's the "by me" that bothers me a little. The "it's okay to be gay" shirts don't have the same effect. But "Fine by me!" feels a little like it would be valid to have a different opinion--like people being gay is something you can validly accept or reject. Saying that something is "fine by me" doesn't quite assert that it's inherently fine.

    I wouldn't personally have taken offense, since your intention is obviously supportive. But I can see why someone might want to point it out.
     
  19. AllyCat

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    Aw thanks so much!
     
  20. Lexington

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    "Breeder" has always been a mildly derogatory term for straight people in my book. (Well, when it didn't mean these folks:slight_smile:

    [youtube]0RiJMZQXa2o[/youtube]

    If somebody calls you a "breeder", and you're not happy with it, you can make your displeasure known - in a nice way, if you'd like. "I'd rather not be called a 'breeder' - at least until I breed."

    Lex