Well, here is the problem. I have a straight, open-minded, male online friend for about a year and a half. All that time together, I have always presented myself as a girl, and constructed elaborate stories to back up my credibility as a naturally born girl, because for me, being able to live normally like a girl is the single thing I want the most in my life. However, I would never imagine that at one point, he would had a crush on me. Even though I was very,very happy because of the feeling that I finally being accepted as a girl, I understand that all I was doing is deciving him, and the person he confessed to, is not the real me. Therefore, I politely and delicately declined his confession, and we are still friends and we are very close to each other ever since then,eventhough he sometimes jokes (or half-jokes) that he still likes me. He had been one of the people that answered my distress call when I was in a suicidal state, and helped me go through it. He was the best friend I could ever ask for. If I have to be totally honest, I think that I do have somefeeling for him, and for everything he has done for me. Still, I don't want to bring this to a relationship level because like having a friend more than that, and most importantly, because he still thinks I am genuinely a girl, not a transgirl. Now, I did drop hint here and there, scanning for his reactions, and then I asked him about them, about he would feel if everything I told him was a lie - somewhat jokingly, of course. And you know what he said? He said that, even if that is true, he would still be friends with me. He said that, everyone have a reason to lie, and sometimes, those reasons can be sympathize with, and forgiven. He said that, either way, the good time we had togeher will still make us good friends. I was so overjoyed I could cry. But I didn't tell him he truth about myself yet. I don't know why I didn't. Perhaps it was the fear that he will still rejects me even though he said he won't. Perhaps it was the awkwardness it might bring between us if I told him. Or perhaps it is some kind of convoluted feeling that doesn't make any rational sense that is still clutching my heart. So, EC, I need your advice. If I don't tell him, nothing will change. He and I will still be good friend together, and personally I would be fine with it that way too. It is the undecisiveness I have right now that is bothering me.
Personally, I think I would tell him, but that's just me. I understand the appeal of someone out there thinking you are a cisgirl, and I don't think there is anything wrong with putting out that persona online with strangers. And while I don't think you should feel morally obligated to disclose your birth gender, I think you seem to have reached a level of friendship where you should be able to feel open enough to discuss childhood events, etc. with honesty and not fear of being found out. That's my two cents, but it is entirely your decision.
I have the same feeling, especially because the above - you seem to have a good friendship with this guy, and if he's already hinting that he'd understand if you had kept something from him, then he could very well be in a position to take the news well. And that's always a nice thing to experience. Actually, if he's responding to you this way when you're feeling him out for a response, do you think he might be suspecting something along these lines anyway?
Well, he is the kind of person that would take everything on the internet with a grain of salt (his own words). And a few times, he said something along the line of "I am more comfortable around you than any of my female and even male friends" which makes me think that, most likely, yes, he might be suspecting something... Though when I asked him directly what he meant , he simply replied that he meant exactly what he said, that he feel more comfortable around me than any of his friends, male or female. I might just be thinking about this too much.
As I look at this, presenting yourself as a girl, is OK ( theoretically 100%, when you are anonymous) when it is internet.. No one reveal their true identity in the internet or they keep it to the minimum, as anyone can be different from what they say. So there's no need to give all your identity. When we interact through internet, only facts we expose are our thoughts (if we are honest on a certain topic). that communication reveal our personality to that other person. As you are a girl in your mind, even not born as one (as that's what make us transgender), what you talked (except of your birth details) should be genuine, so it should reveal the thinking of a girl. I think, a pretender (cis male) who would try to act like a girl, will never have that pattern of thinking (unless he had a girl to assist in communication). So it's no wonder he thinks you as girl, if he is aware of how girls generally think. And I don't think ( as I feel) it's deceiving on your side, as it's the body, you would change in a process to be recognized ( in the society) as female, but not your mind ( plus, it's anonymous on the internet). And its the mind ( how your mind works) that he sees out there (net), when he is chatting with you. This^ "he meant exactly what he said" could be the reply. If I say that on the internet, what I mean is, " I'm very comfortable with you as the person, who you sound to be, than any of my other friends ". " including male, female prefix means, despite of what gender they are and of what gender you are, you are the best I got as a friend" that's it. If simply put: he doesn't care about your gender, he is comfortable with you as a friend, than with anyone else. everything with a grain of salt may be : he knows what exactly internet is, of course full of pretenders and lies, frauds. So doesn't believe in anything said in there, by anyone, without proof. (might not have believed 100% in what you say either so could have openness, to your later changes) That's what I can interpret. You know, you have to ask him to know exactly. And I think if he is exactly what he says (if he means exactly, what he tells you ==if he is honest), then by telling him, you can't lose him as a good friend. Anyways, by telling him, You will see if he is honest:icon_wink. But it should be your choice to tell him or not. Good luck!
