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Cycle of questioning

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by LailaForbidden, Sep 7, 2012.

  1. LailaForbidden

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    First off, let me say, i KNOW i've posted about this alot. And i know it has to be completely annoying, but.. please help me out once again. The problems haven't gone away, even with the absence of my quarky trait of overanalyzing.

    First I thought I was straight. Enter explosion of lesbian desires... Then i thought i was bi. Surely, i was bi. Even though my slim attraction to men had always deeply bothered me, even though i had never much interest in men, and felt quite uncomfortable around them in intimate moments, i had to be. i didn't allow myself to consider anything else. Shortly after, I stumbled across a bi-phobic website. Even without that website, i think i would've eventually started questioning again: this time i began to look at my past and its unsettling resistance toward guys. Okay, thats fine. I'm gay, i thought, fully lesbian. That has to be it - I will not question again. Enter overanalyzation on every guys i see to substantiate that claim. Enter dizzying confusion and depression over the fact that i can, indeed, get off to guys. Okay then, i thought quite bitterly, i must be bisexual. Then, I worked on accepting that. Enter realization that I never dream about romantic moments with guys, i naturally prefer to fantasize about women, I've never gone 'crazy' about men as I am with women and the thought of dating a man makes me uncomfortable. Enter, again, questioning. One day, i'll think i'm gay. Next day, i'll believe solidly that i'm bisexual. Truly, i'm simply lost.

    Last weekend was the one-year anniversary of 'I can't be attracted to women. God, please, no. I'm not. definitley not" morphing into "How could I have been so blind?! I love women!" So i guess that why i'm posting again. I just dont know how to settle on an answer.
     
    #1 LailaForbidden, Sep 7, 2012
    Last edited: Sep 7, 2012
  2. Zach12345

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    Breathe girl! I know exactly what you mean by this i did the same exact thing 2 months straight. It obviously doesn't sound like you've ever been attracted toward men or fantasize about them so what makes you think your bi then?
     
  3. J Snow

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    A label is just a word, no more, no less. "Words are wind."

    You on the other hand, are a person, full of a complex range of emotions, desires and needs. You don't need a label to tell you what you are. Enjoy being unique. You can always just identify as queer, or say Kinsey 4 or 5, or whatever. Or you can just tell people its none of their business. I for one am not labeling my sexuality as I go through transition. I'm just going along for the ride of who I want to be with when I get there.

    You are a unique and wonderful person. That's all that matters =]
     
  4. dreamcatcher

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    You know you're attracted to girls right? So why not just stick with that? If you're interested in women, date women. And if you happen to find some guy that you're interested in later down the road, then feel free to date him. As for labels, well you know one thing for sure, and it's that you're not straight.So just tell people that. You don't owe anyone any explanation. I know the need for a label is strong but not everyone figures it out right away. If you identify as bisexual and later choose to identify as lesbian, then that's not a big deal. Also if you choose to identify as a lesbian and then realize you're bisexual, then that's fine too. Anyone who judges you because of it is an asshole. So stop worrying and analyzing and go with the flow :slight_smile: Our minds are our worst enemies sometimes.
     
  5. silverhalo

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    Hey dont worry about reposting. I think what your going through is totally normal and most of us have been there at some point.
    The reason you are going through this is because sexuality isnt just black or white, however much we would like it to be. As humans we like to label and categorise things so you must be straight, bi or gay, unfortunately it isnt that easy, they are the labels we use to make it easier to explain to other people and we use the one that we feel fits us best. There are some people who are totally gay, have always known, and the opposite sex does absolutely nothing for them etc, etc and thats fine but there are others where the line is much more blurred, I for example like yourself was never really attracted to guys, I could appreciate their looks but burning desire to date one was never there. I also never had an overwhelming attraction to girls until I started questionning my sexuality and then it developed from there. I could get off to male gay porn, or straight porn (if I wanted to) but I label myself as gay because thats what fits me best.
    Do what makes you happy (before the analysing) and if at the moment thats girls go for it, if you fall for a guy go for it.
     
  6. Mango

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    You're a 17 yr. old bisexual. Your sexual orientation as a bisexual is subject to change, and will pretty much be determined by your future lovers and your immediate environmental conditions. There's no doubt in my mind that if you run into a really nice guy who loves you and knows how to ring your sexual bell, you'll feel more like a heterosexual. OTOH, if you get into a relationship with an experienced and loving lesbian woman, you could very well become a very happy lesbian for the rest of your life.

    Of course, there's also the possibility that you'll run into jerks of both sexes and you'll just waffle back and forth, depending upon which sex pissed you off the most, the last time...
     
  7. pinklov3ly

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    OMG I had this awesome message to reply, but I lost it all thanks to my phone :***:

    Anyway, you're only 17, you have a while to figure everything out. I came out as bisexual at age 17/18 then gay at age 19; I realized from a very early age that I liked women, but I denied it for years, which was a terrible thing to do :bang:

    You sound bisexual, but who cares about labels. If you try to label yourself without fully exploring your feelings then we put ourselves in a box. And then later on if and when we question ourselves again we put too much pressure on ourselves or at least that's what I did. Just embrace your feelings, appreciate the beauty in women and men. If you find yourself leaning towards one sex more than the other, that's fine just because you're bisexual, it doesn't mean you're equally attracted to both sexes, but I'm sure you already know that :grin:
     
    #7 pinklov3ly, Sep 7, 2012
    Last edited: Sep 7, 2012
  8. LailaForbidden

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    Well, now, see... here's the biggest problem: I don't want to be in any type of intimate relationship with a guy. I just feel really uncomfortable at the thought. And I dont know what that means.. what about you?

    BTW, thanks for all your replies :slight_smile:
     
  9. silverhalo

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    I think it means you dont want to be in an intimate relationship with a guy, no more no less, at least you know that. Enjoy guys from a far and if a girl takes your fancy see if you can get closer to her.