I haven't posted for quite some time as I really needed to do some reflective thinking about things in my life. About a month ago my youngest son picked up on the distance between my wife and I and seemed genuinely worried about the state of things. My greatest fear as I've been learning to accept who I really am is hurting my children. Because of this I have made a tremendous effort to bridge the distance in my marriage. I don't think so much for myself but for my kids. I felt that their needs are more important than my own and therefore could put off working on me. For a while things were better. Now my wife is just back to being the same selfish person she was before. For me right now I don't think that I can deal with becoming an authentic version of me until I deal with my marriage (if you can call it that). The whole situation makes me feel like I'm losing my damn mind at times. I'm not a bad person and I feel like I deserve better than this but I just don't know how to tell her I want out. I feel like such a failure and a coward about this. Sometimes I wonder if i am hiding behind my fear of asking for a divorce as a way of trying to escape from having to deal with my feelings about being gay? Im just so tired of feeling like I'm beating my head against the wall:bang:
Sweetheart im so so sorry none of this is your fault and you need to leave her ASAP shes ruining the wounderfull you you are
I'm so sorry for what you're going through now! I wish there was a magic solution to make it better, but there's not. Everyone deserves to live their authentic life and it's tragic that circumstances put us on paths we never would have chosen with full knowledge of ourselves. I hope counseling is an option for you. I think you would benefit greately from having someone to help you sort all of this out. Kids are resilient and maybe they would respond very well to a life where dad is himself and mom is less bitter. Of course I don't know your situation completely, my advice is just from my perspective. Again, a good counselor can help it all make sense. Please know you have my continuted support, Solost. Make you your best self! 55
Hi solost, I feel for you right now. I really do. I am a bit hesitant to offer advice here as my situation did not involve kids and that must add a whole layer of complication. However, this bit of your post struck me: I believe that this has to work, can only work in fact, the other way round. You will only be able to sort out your marriage by first becoming an authentic person. Women are very perceptive and I am sure your wife will know at some level that something is wrong and this feeling could well be the basis for her sparkyness (is that the right word?) at the moment. Plus, you already know yourself that the situation as it is now is causing you a whole lot of stress and preventing you from being a good husband and father. Coming out to your wife is a hell of a scary thing to do, is a one-way trip only and is potentially very disruptive, but does allow you to be open and honest and then perhaps have the best chance, finally, of being a good husband and father. Ok, maybe the good husband idea is pushing it a bit, it depends on how you both are as individuals, but I do truly believe (and have experienced it for myself) that a move to an open and honest environment is much healthier for all concerned. I hope that helps even just a little. Best, Tom
Stress and depression are bedfellows when we operate in our lives contrary to what our true self knows us to be. Hang in there man!!!
