1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Feelings for a guy that may/maynot be gay.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by jasonmvu, Sep 8, 2012.

  1. jasonmvu

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2012
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay

    It's a long story so bare with me! It would mean the world if you read it. So I've known this guy for a good 8 months. I'm openly gay at school so he knew. We met at science camp and he actually made-out with a close girl friend of mine there. We were really good friends (I still had no feelings for him and I didn't suspect his sexuality at all) until we drifted apart after a few weeks.

    Flash forward 6 months and I start getting feelings for him when we rekindle our close friendship. One night last week we decide to get drunk. It was me, him, and that same girl friend he made out with (they no longer have any sexual tension, in fact neither of them are attracted to each other). She knew I was pretty lonely cuz I hadnt dated anyone for the last 3 years and she somehow miraculously believes that if my friend and I kissed, that I would get over my loneliness. Suprisingly he was totally up for it. While I denied the offer, he insisted that I kissed him, reasoning that kissing isn't a big deal to him. (He was about 2/3 shots in). We eventually did kiss. It was the exact medium between a peck and an affectionate kiss.

    Following that my girl friend left and I was left with him. Somewhere along the lines I ended laying on his lap and he put his arm on my waist. Staying in that position, we talked seriously about his problem trying to get with too many girls. He's notorious for getting with girls and dropping them after a month or two. He has made out with plenty of girls and I've heard from those girls that he'd sometimes try to do more. He even claimed at one point he wasn't a virgin (that I'm not to sure of). Anyways. He then confessed that he never really likes the girls that he gets with. He then followed that with, but I'm just waiting for the perfect girl... :|

    It was getting late that night so I walked him home. While walking home he told me he kissed me while he thinks he was sober and he wouldn't regret it the next morning. I asked him why he kissed me and he said "everyone needs affection sometimes." I asked him "like me"? And He said "no, I do too". Upon saying our farewells at his house he asked me to kiss him on the cheek. So I gave him a very good kiss on the cheek LOL. And then we hugged for a good 5 seconds.

    This is when I start getting confused and frustrated. Did he just kiss me because he sympathized my loneliness and wanted to "help"? Most straight men wouldn't kiss another guy without hesitation. So is he one of the people that just kisses everyone or did that kiss mean something. Why did he even ask for a kiss after I walked him to his house?

    The proceeding week we continued to text, something we previously didn't do all that often (he and I were both never really good texters) We talked about plenty of things, one subject including a girl he thought was gorgeous at work. He's actually been talking about this girl for a very long time, claiming she's the prettiest girl he's ever seen and he would "holla" at her soon. I have to say though, sometimes he didn't seem like he put in effort to trying to text me. I don't know if that's because he's a bad texter or he just doesn't really care about talking to me. We had lunch yesterday and he was being a huge flirt. Saying I had the perfect smile and beach body. He even fed me while I was driving. (am i analyzing this too much...?)

    So the question is... I'm hanging out with him tonight. Should I bring the kiss up and tell him about my feelings? Or just wait and see it play out? Or should I just totally lay off cuz he's not gay at all.

    ADDITIONAL DETAILS
    • When breaking it off with a girl he asked her why he had so many problems with girls. Then saying he could be gay.
    • My girl friend asked him why he kissed me. He answered he would only kiss me, following with "but I'm not gonna lick his wiener." She told him that she thought he was homosexual. He denied it the first time, but after she insisted he was, he said "we will see"
    • A friend that went on the lunch with us told us later that we'd make a cute couple. And that we totally acted like one (yes she did know about the entire thing). He jokingly said that I was in love with him but he wasn't like that. And he didn't want to overstep the boundaries of friendship.
    • His group of friends are EXTREMELY MANLY. To say nonetheless he is also pretty manly. So sometimes I doubt that he's gay just because of that. He does wrestling and I figured he would have known after touching so many guys by now.
     
    #1 jasonmvu, Sep 8, 2012
    Last edited: Sep 8, 2012
  2. Gen

    Gen
    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 20, 2012
    Messages:
    4,070
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Nowhere
    I would say to just wait and see how it plays out. He could be questioning himself, in which it usually isnt a good idea to confess ones feelings to them during this stage because they will most likely lock up. He already knows you are gay, so when he flirts with you, flirt back. See what responses you get.


    As he said "We'll see" :slight_smile:
     
  3. TwistnShout

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2011
    Messages:
    15
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ann Arbor, MI
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    He could possibly gay, or at the very least bisexual. If he was completely straight, he wouldn't repeatedly kiss you, and enjoy it. I know this because I can't kiss guys and enjoy it at all (ruling out me being straight or bi). He is probably in denial and/or trying to figure out his sexuality. He could be trying to force himself to like women or he may geniunely like that woman.

    I don't want to give you the wrong advice so you will have to "follow your heart". However, I will tell you what I would do in your situation. Since I have been there before. I would tell him how you feel. Even if you feel it's a very small chance that he likes you back, there's still a chance. I can tell you that it's easier to get over the regret of telling someone you like them and having them tell you the feelings aren't mutual. Then not telling them and always wondering what if. It's more painful and you would always wonder. At times, I honestly still wonder "what if" 2 1/2 years later.. If he is a decent enough friend and the feelings aren't mutual; he would understand and still continue to be your friend. Best case scenario: the feelings are mutual, and it make take him awhile to accept it; if that is the case. If he has already accepted it, then it could be a wonderful relationship!
    Worst case scenario: The feelings aren't mutual and the slight possibility of him not continuing to be your friend (which doesn't seem like that would be the case). This has to be your decision and I wish you the best.
     
  4. BornAnew

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2012
    Messages:
    573
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Cornwall, England
    Interesting story! He's being pretty stealthy with the "we'll see's" and no clear cut answers haha.

    I guess he could be bisexual or even gay? Anyway wait & watch!
     
  5. MichaelB

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2012
    Messages:
    421
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    England
    Well, first of:

    Being manly and gay isn't an oxymoron status. I know many gay men that are manly. I know many straight guys that are feminine, and I know many straight girls that are 'butch' and lesbian girls that are 'girly'. I myself am gay and pretty manly, so I wouldn't be in doubt over his sexualty PURELY because he's manly :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    Secondly, you mentioned he does wrestling etc/would probably know by now. The thing is, he probably does know. Knowing and accepting are two different things however, and no amounts of knowledge will contribute to the acceptance. He needs to come to that conclusion on his own and accept himself first.

    Third, I personally would not press the situation in an obvious manner. I would not out right say 'what did our kiss mean?' or 'are you gay?'. If he is gay and is struggling to deal with it, the last thing he needs is someone pestering him asking the same questions that he's asking himself and struggling to come up with answers. I'm talking from experience here really. The first person I came out too was accidental; I was drunk and really didn't mean it but simply wanted a shoulder to cry on. This girl then pestered me for 2 months solidly afterwards with a continue barrage of 'are you gay?' 'aw hunny it's okay to be gay' etc etc. She came to that conclusion, but I did not, and I felt like it was an invasion of my privacy with her continual questions.

    So what I would do if I was you is wait, simply. Subtley hint that if he is gay, you would be there for him and stuff, and maybe tell him some positive stories that you have experienced with coming out to reinforce to him that being gay is okay. But do not pester and bludgeon him into revealing his sexuality if he isn't ready. He'll simply resent you for it.

    To quote him, 'we'll see' :icon_wink

    Good luck with your situation though :slight_smile:
     
  6. Brenny

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2012
    Messages:
    376
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    US
    In your situation I would absolutely NOT express feelings to this guy, this soon. You have just recently been hanging out again, right? He seems okay with the idea of possibly being gay/bi but he is still figuring it out. He is going to need time. Now if he wants to take the first step to further explore that territory, then that is one thing. I have just seen too many stories of guys liking possibly gay guys and telling them too soon that they have feelings. He is figuring things out so just keep being friends, give him time. Body language and actions should be enough to give this guy some idea how you feel for now.
     
  7. MannyJ

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2012
    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Yeah, I think it may be too soon to confess your feelings however I do think there is something between you guys :slight_smile: . Only time will tell . It also sounds like he is questioning his sexuality or trying to explore it , my suggestion is to stay with him every step of the way . Even if you guys don't come out of the situation in a relationship , you two will end up as really good friends .. I beg you , please keep us posted ! I wanna everything that happens tonight .. In full detail :slight_smile:
     
  8. darlig ulv

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2012
    Messages:
    187
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New York City
    He's either 100% gay or 100% straight. Since he said that girls never gave him satisfaction, he might just not have noticed his feelings for guys because of his ability to get girls so easily. Many straight men completely secure about their heterosexuality have no issue making out with guys since they're so comfortable. Lots of straight guys who are all uncomfortable about gays simply have insecurities, But you laid on his lap for a while like that, I think the odds may ever be in your favor.
     
  9. overdesign

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2012
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    I'm in agreement with the others that a direct, head-on conversation isn't necessary at this point.

    He could be into you (and/or questioning) or just an amazingly compassionate, open-minded, kind friend. Either way, your relationship can only become stronger and better from developing that base friendship, which sounds like it has the potential to be a fantastic one. Just appreciate him for how he is now, and see how things go from here.