Hi all, Been a while since I have posted. I just came back from vacation, I took a month in the states where I caught up with a old college friend. During our evening together I basically came out to her. She is the first person that I have shared this information about myself. I knew she would be ok with it, she is a liberal new yorker. So I guess I should not have been shocked by her (non)reaction. I needed to test seeing what it would be like to share my background (you can visit my previous posts for my history). I did not feel any relief from finally sharing my story with someone face to face. I guess because this still does not change my personal situation. I am turning 38 next week, and I am still stuck. I am in midst of a life do over, I feel like I have one last chance to get this right. I have to be honest, I still want the normal family and the kids. Its strange when I shared this fact with my friend she said that I might be bi ( although in my heart I know that I am gay but did not say that to her ) and she said that it might still be possible. And that I did not need to do full disclosure on what I have been struggling with if I every met that person. I guess its a bit of let down. I did not get the emotional relief from sharing my struggle with someone. Dunno feeling a little let down. Zizo
Hi Zizo, First, congratulations on coming out to someone, even if it was not exactly the emotional response that you were looking for. Remember, for the person that you are telling, it is the first time they are hearing it from you (no matter how many times you've practiced telling them in your head - the information is fresh to them) and sometimes it takes a little time to process what you've told them. Consider following up with her at some point, I'm willing to bet that there is some relief for you just waiting to happen. There are lots of LGBT individuals, like yourself, that are interested in a family with kids. I know some happily married gay males that are adopting children. You can have the life you envision and maintain your identity.
Your friend was probably trying to find something to say to reassure you, although I think her advice was misguided. As justjoshoh said, there are plenty of same-sex couples who do have normal families and raise children together. I can understand why you were disappointed that her reaction was a bit anticlimactic. But if you think about it, that's what we as a community are working towards - a future where, when you tell someone that you're gay, it's such a non-issue that their reaction is nothing more than "Oh. Cool. Let's go get some fries." As a New-Yorker, more likely to be surrounded by diversity in her daily life, it could well be that your friend is in this mindset already. Regardless of how it feels right now, you have taken a courageous and important step by coming out to someone. There's no way to know how each person will react, but my experience (and that of many others) is that over time it becomes easier and easier.
