Hi, I'm new to the forums (and usually never use forums) so first of all, if this thread ever ends up in the middle of nowhere, then sorry, I probably made a boo-boo. I really hate puberty. It's great that my mind will develop even further than it already has and I get to mature and my body grows manly (and hot) and everything involved with it, but really the emotional roller coasters are driving me mad. Well, actually, no, I'm pretty stable throughout the day until I get tired; at that point, all of my emotions get shot down to the ground. Basically I'm asking, how do I go about staying sane for every day life? (The following is going to be long, so, bear with me if you could) I am so terribly frightened by the idea of growing up lonely and dying, while I bear witness to all of my friends who open their arms for me in their lives...three states away. I never had much friends, and I don't think that's going to change. Everyone who's ever befriended me and loved me, I met online. My family doesn't show any love for me, and I can't recall a single moment where they spoke to me and didn't find the need to talk down on me (viciously or just like every day life). On top of that, I'm gay, and I'm extremely picky with the people I will hang out with, yet I manage to crush on everyone who's kind of handsome. Yet it's taboo within my family (we're just a bunch of immigrant, loud, vietnamese people in a small house always yelling at each other). I have no plans on coming out to anyone, as there would be no one who will last in my life. I am so terrified that this will become the story of my life, that all I will surmount to is being stuck in this hole with a family who acts more like care-takers that show obvious love towards my sister, and disregards me. I don't want to be here, in the state that I live in, with my family anymore, as I have no place in either of them. I don't want to be stuck here with my vietnamese family that I don't want to identify with anymore, see anymore, ever remember in my memories ever again. All I feel is embarrassment, insulted, and talked down too all the time. I don't want to be lonely anymore; I want to find someone I could love and have them reciprocate my feelings. I don't want to feel disconnected anymore, and be with people I love (friends and lovers), and be in a place I love. Yet I know all of this is three states away and I have no money and I would be too scared to make the move and I will never have it. There doesn't even have to be that much people; 1-3 is fine and I could die happy with that number with me because I knew they loved me. I want a new life and I want to grow up already. I don't think I could ever live life happily gay if I know I will be lonely forever in this state that I don't even want to be in. And on top of that, I'm pretty sure my hormone levels are making me crazy emotional. However I'm usually emotional so I have no idea.. Help? Sorry if it sounded boo-hoo wah-wah, but I've been feeling a cold burning, empty feeling about it every day for at least three hours and I can't contain it.
You mentioned you don't want to be lonely anymore - so is there any social groups you could reach out to now in the place you're living? Could be anything - book clubs, sports, lgbtq meetings, etc. As for dealing with puberty, there isn't much advice I can give you besides wait it out - your hormones will settle down when they do, so there isn't much that can be done for that. If you feel like your emotions are excessive, then you may want to go discuss it with your doctor, who might be able to offer some options if you feel that's necessary. Deep breathing can help cool emotions in the moment you experience them, as well as counting (for some people, never worked for me), going for a walk etc. Try find something that distracts you and do that whenever you need to, doesn't matter what it is really. In the end, though, what you want will have to be done entirely by you - no one else can change your life into the life you want it to be. People can support you from the sidelines, but where you want to go is a place you'll have to get to on your own (for the most part). It can be scary - especially since you may not know what waits on the other side of the door - but courage isn't the absence of fear, it is going ahead even when we feel fear. Hope this helps, and I'll be around frequently if you need anything Best of luck!
