Ahhhhhh! I can't take it anymore! I wasted half of my life, building a life that has washed away completely. Having been in a 16 year marriage that was akin to a hemitage, there wasn't very much room in that relationship for outsiders or new people. Now, here I am, middle aged, struggling to create a new life, living alone after never living alone before, finding myself free to persue the type of person that I am attracted to but having no clue as to WHERE I can meet such people. Quite frankly, I feel like the old man in Shawshank Redemption that wound up hanging himself. I'd get busy living...if I only knew what living looked like. I have no social life. All of my old friends have families, babies mamas, jobs, stress etc. I have tried a few things, ballroom dancing(expensive, hello!), going to clubs alone(suuuuxxxx!), wandering around supermarkets(creepy), eating alone(rather depressing), hanging out with my dog(language barrier), old hobbies(lost interest), therapy(more expensive than dancing!), meditating/praying, crying, hoping, working. Yet, here I am; knowing what I want, not knowing how to get it, and so, SO wanting a kind loving friend. But its just not happening, no matter what I do. I haven't come up with my own definition of giving up, but I am starting to think that its probably best that I do.
Haha, lmao. Your jokes made me laugh out loud, I do also wish I had no language barrier with my dog! I don't think there would be any vitalizing conversation between us though. But I know where your coming from, ive experienced your social issues to a key and my mother has experienced the marriage issues. Although I am younger than you, you may not want the advice of a teenager! I know you mentioned the financial issues of seeing a therapist. But seeing as I feel as though I have experienced similar situations to you I would suggest a therapist who deals with Gay issues. I see a therapist and she has helped me immensely, basically just to come to terms. (thats if you don't already see one) Usually they will have great connections with organizations and groups affiliated with LGBT issues. Its hard to say but looking around for different rates that therapists offer would be a good start, I had to do the same and it took me quite a while to find someone who was reasonably priced and also someone that I found a connection with. This feeling of giving up sucks. I know it. It really does suck, you just want to be happy and it seems so hard to find happiness ( I know this too) Depending upon where you live Id look into a support group, or maybe just local groups that meet up. For me, University will be the portal to creating friendships and connections. Time will run its course, you cannot really go out 'looking' for friends. Friends just come your way. You will encounter different people that you will find connections with.
Well I can tell you that you dont need to give up. Coming to EC is a start, and the fact that you know what you want is really fantastic. I know you have said that you have tried a few things and so far you havent found anything that works for you but that doesnt mean the right thing isnt out there. Have you thought about volunteering, or going to a local LGBT group. You might not want to dive straight into internet dating but on some sites you can just look for friends so you could start building up a social network like that. I dont know what kind of environment you work in but what about people at work?
