Hey guys, so I'm in a real real pickle. I've started binding and got my haircut really short (again!) so I'm finally feeling comfortable in my own skin, but now I can't use the female toilets because of all the stares I get, and my family and at uni all my class mates know I'm "biologically female" which sucks, so I can't exactly be seen using the males. But even at public toilets like train stations and stuff, I don't know what to do... I've been using the "disabled" toilets because they're gender-neutral. Any advice?
Ugh, the Bathroom Problem. I will come back with more on this later, but at Uni you might be able to advocate for gender neutral bathrooms. Do your friends and family know that you are only BIOLOGICALLY female? If not, you have to keep using the women's restroom. If they know you're transgender, you could at least potentially start using the men's room, although I'm not sure you'll find it any less uncomfortable.
I'm out as gay to a bit of family but not trans yet, growing up they never understood my pain and safeness of being trapped as a "female" and whenever I argued or tried to explain my feelings I got shut down and told to get over myself, so I've given up. I'm in therapy at the mo for depression/suicide and anxiety and I came out as trans to the psych, and she's helping me through it. I'm out as trans to 4ppl, two of which don't go to my uni (it's my gf and her best friend) and of the only two friends I have at uni who know, 1 isn't supportive at all and the other is all for it and supporting me, the rest of my classmates just know that I'm gay because of my girlfriend.
Did you know that transpeople have a higher risk of developing urinary tract infections? Know why? Holding it too long because of lack of safe bathrooms. I tend to use the disabled toilets too, when available. My school does have a single-stalled gender-neutral bathroom in one of the buildings (this year they're talking about creating a multi-stalled one). Are you in a position to suggest that? Even if all they did was convert a disabled one?
My university is going through a project where they are trying to provide more transgender friendly restrooms. This is a tough situation, in the case of MtF's my opinion is if you are in girl mode (dressed up as a woman) you should use the woman's restroom, but if you aren't trying to pass then you should use the men's. Its a little different for FtM's though because its more socially acceptable for women to dress masculine or androgynous. I would say with your friends you really need to use the women's until you are out to them as trans. If you are just out in public with no one you know, I would only use the men's when you think you will not be identified as a female.
I will speak to my "queer-collective" president today about getting gender neutral bathrooms coz he is a FtM, although he has gone through T and about to get surgery soon, and I've only just started dealing with my gender dysphoria. thanks for the advice,
I'm not quite sure how to help. One thing I can say is that if you have to use the girls bathroom, a good thing to do to keep feeling masculine is to pee standing up (Yepp, you can do it with a vagina~). I did that today (Where I've felt 100% male) when I was forced to use the girls bathroom in McDonalds due to the fact that I really don't pass. I know this isn't some magical solution, but I hope It helps in some way~
I have the same problem! Its gotten to the point where im paranoid to use public toilets because women keep on giving me death stares when i use the ladies. But i dont feel like ive transitioned enough to use the mens. So i end up holding it until no one is in the toilets and i just run in and out as quick as possible! Why should it be so hard to use the toilet?!
