i dont know what to do anymore. everyone around me wants me to change. i know who i am, im just lonely. i wish there was someone who could be here to hold me and wipe m tears. they wont llet me be myself. hlp...
(*hug*) I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling hurt and the people around you aren't being supportive. If you stick around here, we certainly won't be trying to change you If you want some actual advice though, we'll probably need to know a little bit more about your situation. Who is it that's wanting you to change? Why do they want you to change? How old are you? You know, things like that.
Hey, it'll be okay. (*hug*) I know what it's like to have the people who are supposed to support you try to change you. Like Budder said some more info would be helpful.
hello darlin , it seems your lonley and scared because people are trying to change you . Dont let them do this to you ok ? you have every right to be you and shine while doing so m kay ? Love Mercy
Thanks everyone, I actually smiled for once Um you guys wanted to know more soooo….heres my story, I was raised in northern Idaho whith parents who are hardcore LDS(Mormon) I have nothing against mormons, I just don’t agree with their philosophies. Anyways, I lived on a farm, I had animals that I totally adored! Ive had health issues since I was a little kid. I walked in on my parents once and they were talking about me, they like “Is he really worth all this time effort and money?” I ran off scared, my dad ran after me and beat me with a wooden spoon, then locked me in a cage. Later that year I was home sick, my mom and my two little brothers and one of my sisters went out to the movie. That left me, my other sister, and my father home. I heard yelling in the livingroom and ran out to see what was going on. I found my dad, ontop of my sister, raping her. He told me that if I told anyone what I saw that hed kill me. The physically abuse continued from both my parents. When I turned 10, my sister turned my dad in for rape. Things settled a little, but after the case was over the abuse started again. I found out when I was 12 that I was gay. I also discovered suicide, drinking, and cutting. I cut for many years. Once, for my 14th birthday my mother gave me a pack of razors and said “Go have fun!” I attempted suicide 6 times. Last june I was with m dad at work. We were cutting down trees, and the saw “Slipped” out of his hand and sliced my face open. (it doesn’t look bad anymore) I had 375 stitches. He would repeatedly saw “Somedays leo, I wish that saw would have just cut your whole head off!” I came out to my parents last September, my father tackled me to the floor, ripped my shirt of, and let my mom belt my back. I tried to get the police involved but they wouldn’t do anything. Somehow I ended up with another family for a month. They too were LDS. They pushed, and pushed, and pushed for me to change. I attempted suicide once more. They took me to the hospital and I was transferred to a mental ward in Boise. When I came out from the hospital I went to live with my aunt and uncle. I am somewhat happy, they abuse from my parents has stopped. But my aunt and uncle wont let me be myself. They took my phone away because I was talking to toher gay guys. They make me go to their church, seminary, youthgroup, EVERYTHING! They are trying to turn me into someone im never gonna be. I love them, I love my mom and dad, I love my family. Im 17 ½ , I will be 18 in three months. I love you all. And I meant it, I LOVE YOU! Keep smiling lil angels! And thanks again!
I'm so sorry that this happened to you. I really think you need to find proper authorities who will listen to you. The abuse you've undergone is so far past illegal and wrong. From the psychological abuse such as giving you the knives for your birthday or physical abuse such as being beaten or having your face cut open... I just can't even fathom that. It's so awful. You're turning 18, and that means you can soon leave for your own if you can. Try to see if you can go somewhere else where you can be yourself. If not, you don't need to live with your aunt and uncle forever - you can leave whenever you feel you can once you're of age. Yet again, I'm so sorry you've had to go through that. It's absolutely awful. I would consider a therapist - your situation has probably done a lot of damage to your self-worth and psychological state. The fact that you keep your head up is amazing, though. You're an incredibly strong person.
Have you called 911? The national hotline would be good. They will listen. A young boy called for help on his homework. They will listen to you, and they do have the power to change things. You don't have to change. Moving out immediately would be good, though. Don't let this pressure get to you. It gets better.
Oh honey! I wish I could just give you the biggest hug! (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*) It will get better. I am kinda in the same boat right now. I'm cutting, no one accepts me, and I want someone to hold me and wipe away my tears too. That and do VERY dirty things, but.... That's a different story. :icon_redf Anyways, the best thing you can do right now is come talk to us! We will listen. We're always here for you! (*hug*) You might also consider therapy, but that is totally up to you. It can be helpful just to have someone outside of the situation to listen and offer advice and coping methods. Don't give up! I'm rooting for you!
It almost sounds too horrible to be true. At any rate, you need to get away from those people and that religion ASAP by whatever legal means necessary and never look back. It's good that you love those people for whatever reason(personally I don't see how you could), but they aren't healthy individuals to have in your life at all. You don't need biological family in order to have a "family." Good true friends can make great replacements.
I weep for the torture you have had to endure. EC is a safe place to explore your plight and grow beyond and away from your circumstances. You need to seek help from the despicable treatment you have been subjected to. I agree with the 911 suggestion.
nothing much has changed really. im just getting closer to turning 18! plus, i dont feel alone anymore... "we werent born to fallow"
I am glad you're feeling better. I think you're a brave person after reading your post and I hope things will get better. If things get worse again, please remember you're not alone and can get help (from 911 for instance).
I think things will be very different for you some day. You will be able to go wherever you want very soon and make your own decisions. That time will come faster than you know it. At that point, you can be the person you want to be, and find people who will accept you for you. You have already done that with this forum. You can get what you want from life if you put a little effort into it. Good luck.
