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Well my life kind of just blew up

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by jvn95, Sep 10, 2012.

  1. jvn95

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    Hey,

    My life just got trashed,

    Everything is changing. I came out this summer, went into a terrible depression.

    I didn't think it could get worse, then I started to go ocd about being transgender with no basis and it still plagues me.

    And yesterday... the cherry just landed on top.

    My parents were fighting, and this morning my mom told me a ton of things I did not know before, like my dads numerous affairs, and how my dad would try and convince her she was crazy, and how nothing has been working for the last couple of years.

    I knew he was cheating, I threatened him with a baseball bat I ever saw him again, and my mom came to get me from school, him and all his stuff were gone, he dared not face me for what he did to this family. My mom tried over and over to fix it, but he said no.

    Our source of income is gone now, I'm the man of the house now at 17, me and my mom have to go get jobs now to feed our family. I'm probably going to have to drop one of my extracurricular classes and drop my biology ap that is not required. Ill be working to feed my brothers because my dad is a coward, And my mom who is very sick and is on disability now has to go get a job and she will be taken off her medication and be in horrible pain because the insurance will not pay for her very expensive meds if she works, but we no choice.

    I'm so worried about alot of things at once. But I have no room to be sad or upset, I have to swallow everything down and take charge of my family, I'm probably won't be able to go to college now... I have to take care of my family, a sick mother, and two little brothers who need guidance, The good kind.

    I'm a grown up now.. It's really hard to face withing a day.

    It could be alot worse. But searching for my happiness like I planned to do is now on the backburner for the sake of my family.

    No matter what, I can't fall to the ground and wait for mom and dad to come rescue me anymore. It's my job to do that now.

    Ugh, life sucks at the moment, I hope there's a light at the end of the tunnel of this hell.

    I really need support right now, motivational and emotional, There's none in this household right now.
     
  2. Ozma

    Ozma Guest

    Wow. This is a really tough thing to have to go through!*hugs*

    For what it's worth, you are a very brave person to face this situation so forthrightly. I'm proud to have met you. :slight_smile:

    You're right about having to be the good man that your Dad isn't. It isn't fair, but life never is. But I can tell you'll do it, and do it well. If ever I can help, just let me know.
     
  3. Cloudbreaker

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    I was trying to think of some kind of support I could give you, and as odd as it may seem, I was reminded of some quotes I once invented for a character in a story from a few years ago. They are completely made up (by a character that was a con-artist trying to pass himself off as a priest on a spaceship), but for some reason I thought they may help. Hopefully I'm right.

    Fake quote 1. "The most glorious path is not always the most glorious of paths."​
    Which means that the correct road in life might be the hardest one to take. But it is still the correct road.

    Fake quote 2. "For when the plant is pruned, do not weep. A moment of pain allows a century of beauty."​
    Which means you may be in some pain right now, but you will be so much better in the future because of it.
     
  4. Emberblaze

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    Try and keep your spirits high as best you can. Sometimes it's hard to believe in yourself, and at times like that, just remember that you have hundreds of people who believe in you here.

    You have my condolences for all that's gone wrong, but you can pull through it man. I've had to do similar things, nothing as major as your predicament, but I got through it. And if someone as weak as I am can pull through, then anybody can.

    Keep trudging on man. No sad faces on this train, so give us a smile! (My optimism can be bitterly corny sometimes, so sorry...)
     
  5. Gen

    Gen
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    Oh my god. I dont even know what to say :frowning2: (*hug*).

    I cant really think of any advice to give right now, but I promise I will try to think of some. It isnt fair for anyone this young to be put in a position like this. Are there any relatives or help just as a last resort if you guys cant find steady jobs?
     
  6. jvn95

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    Thanks man, I really appreciate it

    ---------- Post added 10th Sep 2012 at 06:24 PM ----------


    I really like those quotes. Thanks :slight_smile: I could not have put it in any better words

    ---------- Post added 10th Sep 2012 at 06:25 PM ----------


    I'll be keep on believing in myself, I know I can do it.

    Thanks

    ---------- Post added 10th Sep 2012 at 06:29 PM ----------


    My grandparents can help a bit. But other than what little they can help, not really.

    I can find a job, I'm a trained CNA and will work at any nursing home that will take me and work as much as I need to support my family.

    I'll be training to be an EMT next semester, that will be better money.

    My mom... well.. I'm not sure where she will work. We'll find something.

    First priority is finding a job, then If mom finds a decent one to pay for the house and groceries, I will work for a car so I can take myself where I need to go and not rely on mom.
     
  7. Chip

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    I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. Your dad sounds like a piece of work.

    My first thought is to ask if your mother has contacted social services or child welfare services. If there are children under 18 (and this includes you), there should be federal Aid for Dependent Children funds available to help with the expenses for you and your siblings. There is also, in most states, emergency assistance funding for just this sort of circumstance. Unfortunately, Texas isn't exactly first in the nation in social services, but there are definitely some resources available.

    Secondly, if your mother is disabled and has difficulty working, she may be eligible for Supplemental Security Income through the US Social Security administration. It's complicated to apply and takes a bunch of time to get approved, but if you start right away, then the benefits will start to come through probably within a few months.

    Finally, if your dad was the sole wage earner, then he would be obligated to pay child support and possibly alimony to your mother. This is also something that social services should be able to help you with. The laws are pretty strict, and people are put in jail for failure to pay child support so even if he doesn't want to, the courts can compel him to do so.

    It really sucks that you're getting the brunt of all of this. But it also isn't your responsibility and it isn't OK for your mom to suddenly put a bunch of responsibility on you just because you're the oldest. You are still in school, and jeopardizing your education by dropping advanced classes should be an absolute last resort.

    I would also talk to your guidance counselor at school. He or she will have access to additional resources that can help.

    If you need more help or guidance with this, PM me and I have a few resources I can reach out to that might be able to help, or point you in the right direction.
     
  8. GORKS

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    What you've had to/will have to endure is unimaginable for someone of your age. I won't say what I think of your father or I'll go on a rant. I think you're really quite brave to essentially sacrifice and put your life on hold at your age. It would take such strong character to do that and I admire that. Btw were your parents married?
     
  9. jvn95

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    Thank you for the resources, Chip, My mom is on SS and supplemental, It took forever for her to get it, and We have read the rules over and over about it, If she gets a job, it gets taken away, if I get a job, my insurance and hers will get taken away, because I'm a minor.


    I really hope dad comes through with child support, But I'm not going to fight and endless battle for it, we know tons of people who never see a check from another parent here in Texas, and the state does little to nothing about it.

    Sorry if it sounded like my mom put this all on me :/
    I offered my help to get a job, and do all of this, it really is the first thing we can do, she is by no means a lazy women and is as I type looking for a job.

    I can drop at least Biology, It's a secondary science that serves no purpose to me other than extra pile of work to worry about, I doubled in science last year and did not plan on taking it this year anyways. No matter what, I WILL graduate. My mom will make sure of that she said. And so do I.

    I will be sure to contact you If I need resources.

    ---------- Post added 10th Sep 2012 at 07:43 PM ----------

    Thanks, just take it one step at a time. And yes, they WERE married, but now thats over.
     
  10. Gravity

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    Another voice to add to the chorus, but I am genuinely sorry to hear about all of this.

    I just wanted to add, in addition to what Chip said - you don't have to be the "man of the house" yet. Offering to take up a job and help support the family is very noble of you, but at the end of the day, you're still a child (and I mean that in the comforting way, not the "you can't think for yourself way" :slight_smile:), and your mom is still the adult in this situation. I spent a large portion of my childhood with a sister and a single mother, so I can relate - sure, you'll be called upon for a little more than you otherwise might have been, but there are still people there to take care of *you* when you need it, too.

    And don't worry too much about what will happen in the future. College may not be out of the question, and you will still be able to find the happiness you want in your life. It might not come the way you expected it to, but not everything will do a complete 180-degree turn. You still have some constants in your life. :slight_smile:
     
  11. HelmetBoi

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    Great advice from Chip (and everyone else). I'm very much a newbie here but I'm really starting to see what an awesome source of help and support this place can be!

    It sounds like you're kind of at an all time low, and with the "cherry on top" comment it sounds like you've pretty much hit rock bottom. This might sound strange or even stupid, but try not to see this as a bad thing because being at the bottom means the only way from here is up - from now it can only get better (it might just take a while). It sounds like everything that could be out in the open is and everyone knows everything about the situation so hopefully things won't get any worse.

    I can't really offer much advice beyond what others have said, I guess I just really wanted to say you're staying strong and focussed in a situation that would make most people with twice your life experience shit themselves. With everything that's going on, with all the stress, worry, etc, your first thought is those around you and what you can do for them, and your dedication to helping your Mum and guiding your younger brothers shows a strength of character that I think is really quite rare. I have no idea who you are; we're on opposite sides of the world and will probably never meet, but I think you're amazing. This little blue sphere in space we inhabit needs more people like you.

    I can't say how you can get through this, all I can say is I know you can and eventually life will come good again. It has a funny habit of doing that. :icon_wink (*hug*)
     
  12. Calico

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    Life seems to take a certain pleasure in not being fair.
    That said, make sure you still laugh once in a while. I know my advice sounds completely bonkers right now, but it's still important that you do lighten up when you can. And also, even if you do have to give up a lot to provide for your family, it doesn't mean you can't accomplish your dreams. It will just take a little longer to get there.
    One of the wisest things i've ever heard is this:
    Start laughing. It may sound fake at first but just keep going until it's genuine. You'll feel so much better.
    And so my odd cOnclusion is this:
    When life is full of shit, laugh in it's face.
     
  13. jvn95

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    Thank you everyone.

    My mom is going to talk to our grandparents today and get a bit of money to hold while she finds a job, I'm going to see if my friend can take me around to the nursing homes and I can apply to be a CNA there as needed (Which means theyll call me about 2 time a week) I am willing to drop Biology Ap, And mom and me are making arrangements for whats going to happen when she gets a night job. My grandparents said they support us with what they can, and will hire a lawyer for my mom (Thank GOD we don't have to pay for that) We are not going to beg for child support because the state does nothing to make the parent pay it unless you pay about 6000 dollars to take them to court when that could be used elsewhere.

    I'm gonna go to school today, this past 3 months are the biggest change in my life. I know I need to help somehow, I know I will graduate with my class, I know someday I will go to college, and I know someday things will be ok, history does not have to repeat itself like my father choose to follow my grandfather, and his great grandfather, I know he had a rougher life than I could even think to have had, but thats no excuse for leaving a disabled wife and 3 kids and then claiming your "The victim" in all of it. Such a coward.

    No matter what, I will NEVER be like him, I will always be there my family until my last breath, even if I hate them, My blood does not deserve to be abandoned.

    As far as I'm concerned, He is not apart of my life any longer, if he calls he up one day, he can explain things to me first before wanting a relationship with his oldest son who he could not even face to say good-bye. (Kinda my fault with with the good-bye thing lol)

    It's so strange I have not cried or felt like it once about this, All I really, honestly care about is getting stability back. I guess I'll be more emotional when I have room.

    Thank you everyone, you are all wonderful people and I appreciate the encouragement and support, I don't know what I would literally do without EC. Things will get better I know it will, maybe not as soon as I would hope, But it will. We all have to grow up one way or another right? It's not like I was going to be bottle fed everyday until I was 18, And I know alot of people in my town that have it ALOT worse than I could imagine.