So I don't know how many people struggle with this, but I'm guessing a lot. I've looked on the internet but never actually found an answer to my specific question, so I was hoping you guys could help me out. I'm 18 years old, and I'm a girl. I know most stereotypical lesbians have shorter hair or are more 'butch', but I'm nothing like that. Of course, I love playing sports, but I love having long hair and wearing girly clothes and makeup, and I'm afraid of spiders and such. I started being interested in girls when I was around 15, and that interest kind of came on slowly. At the moment, I'm still unsure of what my feelings are. I've had many boyfriends in the past, but I haven't actually been attracted to a guy in around a year, and lately I've been more attracted to girls. At the same time, though, I still feel unsure, and it may be just the fact that I haven't found a guy that I'm interested in. I'm really confused, and I'm at the point of maybe telling someone (probably my best friends). I'm scared that if I tell them that in the end, I may not actually be a lesbian. I would also want to go on a date with a girl, and I know another girl who's a lesbian and I'm definitely interested in going out with, but I'm afraid as well that I won't end up being one. I also wonder if she would even be interested in dating me. I hope you guys can kind of understand my situation. It's a little bit hard to explain. Over all, I'm just incredibly confused and unsure. Any advice?
First off, I'm a boy (not a girl), but I can relate to the whole 'transition' between having mixed attractions and then being attracted to just one gender. The people I've spoke to (and read about online) say that the whole process is vague. You don't just wake up one day and think 'Oh! I'm ??? now!', It goes on for years until you rest with what you feel comfortable with. I've had that too; afraid of 'coming out' then having to un-come out. I can't speak for everyone, but you may well be a lesbian, and if that's what your comfortable with then explore it and embrace. You mustn't be shaped by other people like this; you're imposing restrictions on yourself in order to, perhaps, satisfy others. You may be surprised. When any of my friends have come out, they have had great experiences with each other, above and below the waist. I think because they were already friends that it made them feel okay about it. And, not all lesbians are butch - and this goes for gay men too, who are not all camp. Everyone's a bit different and in our situations it's natural to feel a bit socially and personally out of place. I have two lesbian friends and three bisexual female friends, and none of them is butch. Don't feel down I can't tell you to stop feeling confused The more you think about these things, the more you come to terms with it and feel more at ease.
The stereotypical lesbian is just that a stereotype. I'm far from butch; I'm feminine, but I can be tomboyish too. I may wear makeup occasionally, but usually I'm plain Jane. I discovered that I liked women when I was 17 even though I had been experiencing feelings for women and what I now know is considered an attraction. The feelings started when I was really young, but I didn't think nothing out of it. And then during my preteen years, I figured out what my feelings meant. I didn't even know what being gay was until I was 13. I repressed my feelings and started dating boys; it wasn't all that bad, but I didn't understand why I was doing what I was doing. I guess because everyone else--my friends was doing it. Fast forward to now, I'm like, 99.9 sure I'm gay. However, I did not want to be gay, so I denied my feelings for many years. I'm sorry, I'm rambling, whatever you do, do not deny your feelings, embrace them. If you want to date a girl then go for it, if you want to date a guy then go for it. You don't have to have everything figured out all at once. Just take your time and do not allow anyone to make you feel bad about who you are. How about befriending the girl that you were talking about? It could be the first step that leads you to...who knows, isn't that exciting?! It's all up to you, good luck!
