hey all it's been awhile since my last post. If anyone has been following I call him my "diamond in the rough" we were roommates and lovers for a while- it was "an experiment" as he put it-- but i fell in love with him. Anyway, he wanted to move back in with me as my roommate and I told him No. He could only move in as my boyfriend. He wanted to move back in so he could have sex with girls and "do his own thing." Emotionally, I can't handle that and I know we would hook up more often than not and that's not fair to me. He knows how I feel, he knows how I am. I love and care about him a great deal- but I'm tired of being his guy on the side. So I finally gave him the ultimatum that many of you suggested... either be with me accept that you're gay and you love me more than a brother OR just remain my friend. Well, he's irritated that I chose my emotions over the friendship... don't worry, I'm on your side (the readers)-- WTF, what a selfish SOB. But I didn't back down, didn't take back what I said. Bc we've been friends since 08, lovers on and off since 09, he can't stay mad at me- like a young adolescent who didn't get his way- he'll pout for a couple days and then all will be normal again. In all honesty, he needs me in his life much more than I need him. Despite all of this, I still feel sad... bc I do still love him and want him. At this point-- idk what's going to happen. He will need to do something big for me to even consider being with him. At this time, I don't want him as a bf anymore. He'll be lucky if he keeps my friendship. Have any of you dealt with this? Can we really remain "Bros/buds?" I've never been able to maintain friendships with ppl I've been romantically involved with. It saddens me that he cant/won't see things from my view.
I think that two friends in which one has feelings for the other could work out. However, this is alot deeper and you guys are truthfully more than friends. I would say that in all honesty, it probably cant work out. I would say that it was wise of you to stop him from moving back in. I would be causious when considering getting back together. He may at a uncertain time in his live, but you shouldnt have to suffer for it. You feel like sh*t because you love him, not because you did the wrong thing.
Thanks Gen~ I do love him and it's too bad he doesn't see it like that. I've always felt we'd be stronger together- I get adrenaline rushes when I'm around him and he gets "butterflies" and melts when I touch him-- so you're right it's more than just friends or sex- and idk how much longer I'll be able to remain just friends with him.
Well I would sit him down and tell him this. Actually it might be a good idea to write it down and send it to him so you wont feel so intimidated. Tell him about how you are not trying to put him out or be a horrible friend, but you just cant do this anymore. You want to be there for him and care about him, but you cant keep sacrificing yourself for him. You guys can still be friends it just cant be anything serious, unless he is going to be able to return your feelings.
He can't return the feelings-- I know he's told ppl he loves me but he can't tell me- and if does tell me its "i love you like a brother" I've always been there for him since we've been friends- and you're right, I can't sacrifice any more of myself for him. Yet he wants me too- he wants me to care love him be there for him (but almost in secret) so people won't know we've hooked up. I wish he could put himself in my shoes, if only for a moment.
My advice would be for you to back off a little and see if he comes to you, like you said, he needs you in his life more than you need him. So if you stay quiet for a while and as hard as it is, keep your emotions to yourself, see if it becomes too much for him and he may crack. Right now he has you were he wants you, if he wants sex (or to experiment with) from you, he gets it - so take it all away and see how he reacts. If he feels the same, he'll come running. Good luck
Thanks Lew, I sent him a text just saying "morning" and he came back with "@ Work sup"? that's not typical so I simply said just saying hi, I won't bug you" and I'm leaving it at that. Im going to do my best to have no further contact with him- ignore his texts, calls, and chats. It will be hard, but I need to be strong and stand my ground. Thanks again. It def helps having people say I'm doing the right thing.
"if you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it's yours forever. If it doesn't, it never really was". I don't know who first said that but it might apply here.
