I have been truly meaning to get around to writing this post for about 2 weeks now but I have been soooooo busy with school and work. Anyways... I came out back in June to everyone. At first it was great people were so happy for me and everyone was supportive and I felt great. Over the past few weeks I have started reverting back to how I was before people knew. I don't talk to anyone (I attend college and I don't have any friends there when I am there, and I am not exaggerating) No one knows I am gay. I don't want anyone knowing I am gay in fear of being judged. Even when I hang out with my friends I am just kinda quiet because: 1. I feel strange if I talk about anything/act gay because my whole life I have just been straight and for me it is extremely strange for me to do anything else. 2. I feel like they will judge me (even though they don't) I just don't know anymore. I don't even know if this post made any sense considering I haven't/wont proofread it. I need someone to help me be me. I need more gay friends. I don't have time to get out and go make any and I would love some. oijawfojeo afohafoihe ohohe afhho a othao hdfo aweh9fh9 <---- sorry frustrated. I am gay. I get that but why can't I just act like it. I just don't understand why I can't bring myself to do it. Its screwing with my emotions lately. :tears: Please any advice at all might help.
You have got to give yourself a little break You probably spent your whole life trying to hide every single thing that could possibly hint that you are gay. You learnt to watch what you say, how you act and to keep your distance from people emotionally. Not only that, but you have done it for years and most of it has been done subconsciously. That all means that it does take effort to break old habits! Its almost like dealing with a phobia. You know it doesn't make any sense, but you are still scared of it all. And how do you get over a phobia? You confront it little by little. Its not going to be comfortable, its going to take some effort and you are going to have to push yourself through the discomfort. So, little steps. Have you talked about "gay stuff" with anyone before? Either online or off? Talk about guys, what you want in a boyfriend, who you find hot, celebrity crushes, etc? If not, then that's your first mission of sorts. You can either start with only one friend, with someone from EC, someone from another forum or whoever. The point is to allow yourself to open up little by little. And I know its tough, but the thing is that it won't go away by itself. I personally took FOREVER before I allowed myself to talk about anything gay related with my friends. Then I did some practice on EC, then with some friends, and now its just no big deal.
Thanks that really helps. I don't really talk to many of my friends due to my busy schedule and when I do the conversation is usually about them.
