1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Did I do right?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Neph, Sep 11, 2012.

  1. Neph

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2012
    Messages:
    19
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Chicago, Illinois
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    So over the weekend, I finally worked up the courage to talk to the one person who I was really afraid of telling I'm probably gay. I say probably, because there is a LOT of confusion surrounding the subject at the moment, but that's another issue entirely.

    I met this girl almost a year ago, and we really hit it off. It was one of those moments where even though you've just met them, you feel like you've known them for ages. In January, we started dating. Turns out, I was her first boyfriend :bang:. Put that at the top of the list of reasons I feel like an ass for putting her through this. I really do care about her, I would go so far as to say I love her, but sex is a part of almost any healthy relationship, and I just... can't.

    Needless to say, she was hurt. Granted, I haven't been punched in the face yet, so she still handled it better than I expected. I know I did the right thing by being open and honest with her, so why does it feel like I've somehow betrayed her friendship and trust? She's still talking to me, and though it feels a bit awkward, I hope we get to remain close. She's probably taking this better than I am, in fact, and feeling like an ass isn't making it any better. I've done the right thing, so why do I feel like such a scumbag? :shrug:
     
  2. Defiant

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2012
    Messages:
    19
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I know a bit about how you feel; I've had relationships with girls but it never went as far as sex. If it had, I really wouldn't have enjoyed it. However, the fact I felt close to someone was something I craved; and you seem the same way. Perhaps like me you may be bi-romantic but homosexual? Not everyone who's attracted to men automatically wants to have romantic relationships with them too.

    You went out with her when you were still questioning, so telling her might actually be better for her in the long term rather than just ending it with her thinking that it was her fault somehow. She sounds like a nice person... if you need support then why not turn to her?
     
  3. Ianthe

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2011
    Messages:
    2,760
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Oregon
    Yes, I think you did exactly right, and sooner is better than later for these things. Imagine if you had married her and had a couple of children, and then had to come out to her. And you couldn't possibly have told her while you were still in denial. You are only still just starting to accept yourself, so how could you have told her earlier?
     
  4. Neph

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2012
    Messages:
    19
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Chicago, Illinois
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    I suppose it's less of question of whether or not what I did was right, I know (logically) that it was the right thing to do. But I still feel horrible for having done it. Maybe it's just because hurting people isn't usually in my nature, and I feel that I'm to blame for any suffering she endures because of this.