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Head VS Heart

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Ruby Dragon, Sep 11, 2012.

  1. Ruby Dragon

    Ruby Dragon Well-Known Member

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    I crave a relationship with a woman but I keep wondering about how my parents would react to it. I'm sure it'll be the ideal way for them to accept that I'm into women too, but I also fear that they might react badly and kick me out.

    I wish I could take a peek into the future. It would be much simpler if I could move out on my own but finances don't allow it. So if and when I meet a wonderful woman, I'll just have to go easy on them and introduce the idea to them slowly.
     
  2. Ianthe

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    You know that sometimes, if you tell your parents about your sexuality by introducing them to your girlfriend, they blame your girlfriend for "turning" you, right?

    Generally speaking, I recommend coming out first, and then introducing the girl later.

    Why do you think that would be a good way to come out?
     
  3. pecanpie447

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    just make sure you have a few support systems when you do come out to your parents. support is everything.

    well, almost everything :wink:
     
  4. pinklov3ly

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    Just introduce whoever you're dating as a friend, although the girl you're seeing may not like that. When I was dating the last girl I was talking to, I introduced her as my friend to my Dad because I'm not out to him yet. My Mom already knew so there was no explanation needed. I wouldn't recommend telling them if you run the risk of getting put out. But since your Mom already knows, then I'd say go for it. It may be a little awkward at first, but she'll warm up to the idea. We all deserve to be happy and find love, don't allow anyone to take that from you.
     
  5. LesbianStar

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    I am in a similar situation. I want to believe I love women. I want to believe I can be happy. I want to believe I can be who I want to believe. But, most of all, I want to believe that someone will love me, know matter what. I want to believe this but my luck is never good. I am looking to get some lesbian experience as an adult before I tell my Christian family or friends I am a Lesbian. I know for a fact they will act badly but, I am who I am. Can or will anyone except me? I am afraid I stop being lesbian if my family freaks out about it. They are the kind of people who thinks their better than me but will not admit it. They say they are “helping me. And “will support me”. When they take me to court to get control of my money.
     
  6. Ruby Dragon

    Ruby Dragon Well-Known Member

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    I came out to my parents on 06/06/2012, but we've only discussed it once since then, and it resulted in an argument. I know I should give them time to work through their emotions and digest the information and get used to the idea.

    But I don't know how they'll react should I bring a girl home. I'm hoping that they'd then finally accept my sexuality and support me in my decisions. On the other hand I fear things might go South and they completely turn against me...
     
  7. TheEmWord

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    When I came out to my parents, I already had a girlfriend who they had never met (even as a friend). The idea of introducing the person I love as just a friend seemed dishonest and hurtful toward her so I just gave them the information and a couple of weeks to get used to the idea. They asked to meet her when they were ready to accept her, and I respected the fact that the information was a shock and they needed time to adjust to the idea first.

    It's not completely about having someone there to prove that you're gay, it's about them accepting the knowledge.
     
  8. Ruby Dragon

    Ruby Dragon Well-Known Member

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    That makes perfect sense. I don't want to prove to them that I am indeed attracted to women, but I want them to accept the fact that I am. I just feel that it'll be more "real" if I showed up one day with a girlfriend.

    I do, however, think that they doubt I'm really serious about being into women. My mom's words to me was, "You're going through a self-searching phase and saying that you're gay (I came out as a lesbian, though I'm really bi) is just an easy way out" I never bothered to "come out again" as bisexual, because I feel coming out as a lesbian would be easier for them to understand. And at the time I was going through a questioning stage, and thought I was completely lesbian, though I now realize I actually am bi, have been for many years...

    That's beside the point though. I'm just frustrated that they can't accept the fact that I'm into women, and support me. The most hurtful thing my mom also said to me was, "I brought a DAUGHTER into this world, not a son..." So it's going to take very long - if at all - for them to accept it. I think my mom most of all, since she's the one whose been doing most of the talking, dad just kind of echoes whatever she says :rolle:
     
  9. musikk021

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    I agree with the things that are being said here. For me, I don't plan on coming out to my parents unless I'm in a relationship. I know it's not always the best way to go, but in my situation, I think it's the only thing that will push me to finally do it.

    1. I think having a girlfriend would give me the incentive/reason to come out. I know I have plenty of other reasons to, but being in a relationship and not wanting to hide it might get me to suck it up and tell people.
    2. Having a girlfriend would make coming out easier, since she'd be my support if anything went wrong.
    3. I've been depressed for a long time, and I don't know if my parents really see it. I act like I'm fine when I'm with them, but if they have any sense at all, they'd know I'm not actually happy. I'm sure I'd feel so much happier if I had a girlfriend, and if my parents could see how happy she made me, they might accept my sexuality more easily. They'd see that this is what I really want and this is what really makes me happy.
    4. I don't know how my parents will react. There is always the chance it could go badly. If so, coming out may not be worth it. But if I have a girlfriend and come out and it doesn't go so well, at least I know I did it for a good cause. Otherwise, I'd just screw things up with my family without a reason.

    But after everything I've said, I don't even know if I'll ever be able to find someone to be with. Among other issues, being closeted and finding someone is a cyclical relationship. It's hard to find someone unless you come out of the closet; and for some of us, we're not going to come out of the closet unless we find someone. It's kind of a vicious cycle, and I don't know where to begin. Maybe I'll just be alone forever and will never need to come out...