This is my first time here. I was looking on the internet for other situations similar to mine, and I came upon a post on EC that sounded remarkably similar to what I'm going through. Not sure how to operate the quote function, so I'll make my own post, and then ask for advice. My family is quite religious, and being gay is, to them, completely wrong. I'm not supposed to like guys or be gay. It's one man, one woman, according to the bible. Because of my religious background, I was very sheltered and homophobic, up until the summer after my senior year of high school, when I actually spent the summer away performing all over the US in a Drum and Bugle Corps. So I never really dated before college, not for lack of trying, it just didn't ever happen. And, starting in high school, I watched, for the most part, gay porn. None of this threw up any warning signs for me, because I was still of the religious mentality that I couldn't possibly be gay, because we're taught that it's just plain wrong. Three weeks ago, I kissed a girl for the first time, and I didn't like it. Now, I know that it could very well just have been the girl that I kissed, that I didn't like her, and I could enjoy making out with another girl, but it made me think. It really started bothering me after I had a discussion with one of my best friends, who herself is a proud-and-out lesbian. When I was talking with her, it became apparent that I was attracted to guys, quite a few of them in fact, but not to girls. It's not that they're not pretty or beautiful even, I just don't have a sexual attraction to girls, or to any that I've met so far. I started searching for answers, and the post here was one of the best things I found. So, I suppose there it is. As I'm writing this, it becomes more and more apparent, but I just need some advice. Maybe someone to tell me that I'm gay, but I know that only I can determine that. Maybe what I really want is to know what I do now?? I don't know if I'll ever be able to tell my parents. I still am really confused, I have no idea what to do with myself. But I do know that it feels like I'm taking off a lot of stress and weight, actually getting this out in the open. Thanks for your help.
First let me say welcome and that you have made a big first step . For myself, I just took a few months to not worry at all about coming out to anyone and what the possible ramifications would be of coming out. Instead I focused just on myself. I also took up walking for an hour or two everyday to give myself the time to be alone and think or not think as needed. I would say take some time to explore how you feel and to try to become comfortable with yourself. Realize that your sexuality is just one part of yourself and that nothing has actually changed with who you are. At the same time you may realize that homophobic thoughts have prevented you from doing things that you wanted to try but were afraid of being considered gay over. Hope this post helped a little.
Welcome to EC! Just know that you're not on any timeline. It sounds like you might be thinking you're gay. If so, why not run with that for a bit, internally? Assume you're gay. Say "I'm gay" to your reflection in the mirror each morning. Feel free to (surreptitiously) check out guys if you feel like it. Fantasize about guys. Watch gay porn. Masturbate while thinking about guys. Try it on. Get used to it. If you decide it "fits" after a while, you can think about what steps to take next. Lex
This is so much like my own experience. I went through this at around 15. I too am from a very religious background and I was raised with the mentality of a homophobe. It's very strange and slightly surreal even, to see so many people with similar stories to mine.
What a shame. However, it is they who have been manipulated into believing that one man + one woman is, not only natural - but the only option. Everyone is different, and if your sexual preference allows your family to cut you off - then you're better off without them... it really shows that your partner would be more important to them than you would. My fantasy is to move abroad when I finish uni... probably not gonna happen straight away but a man can hope :eusa_danc Yeah, I've heard quite a few people say that. And, I had that too. It's so strange in that, when you watch stuff like that the whole 'am I gay?' thing doesn't really obstruct it. Perhaps the things you hear in leaflets about sexuality and the way you can have 'temporary' feelings for the same sex allows us to not be too bothered by it. I did that at a party, only a few months ago... and she was a lesbian! Strangely, I kept asking her 'are you sure you're a lesbian?', but she kept giving me vague answers. It seems she gets more hetrosexual when she's drunk! I didn't enjoy it at all, but just went along with it. Apparently she now thinks that I'm not only straight (she doesn't know about -me-) but that I fancy her :bang: Me neither. The whole process where sexuality develops (for gay guys, I mean, that i've heard) is vague and gradual; there's no one day when you just think 'Im gay now!', but actually you sort of admit it to yourself after years of evidence slowly presenting itself. I think that, until you've had proper sexual experiences, that they'll always be a tiny bit of doubt. Anyone can appreciate a girl's beauty, perhaps you can even better since you don't look at them wanting to jump on them and make love? First of all, we're all here for you man :icon_wink. If you don't want to come out to your parents yet, then don't. Coming out is for when it makes it easier for you, or when it is natural. The process happens naturally... don't rush it. Don't worry either - your parents won't knive you to death if you broke it to them... the worst they'd do is stop talking. If they don't give you the support you deserve, then why give them love that they don't deserve? There are people (like us) out there who just crave your time and company... don't feel alone (*hug*)
Hey there and welcome to EC. You're experience sound a lot like mine. I grew in up in a very homophobic, though not religious, house and I spent a long time thinking there is no way I can be gay. I pretty much exclusively watched gay porn once I started watching it and I would think about guys a lot, but it didn't occur to me that I could be gay for a long time, damn denial. It took me the better part of the last two years to get comfortable with being gay, I spent years thinking that I would eventually like girls. Don't rush yourself into picking a label for yourself, you have tons of time. If you think about guys in sexual way, but not girls, you are likely gay, but you are the only one who can say for sure. I would try to getting comfortable with yourself before coming out, I tried coming before I accepted myself and it was horrible. As for your parents, you don't have to tell them if you don't want to. I thought that I would never, under any circumstances come out to my family, but a few days ago I came out to my mom. I slowly, without really realizing it, went from being afraid that they would know I'm gay to afraid of how they would react to not caring. When you come out you need to do it for you and because you are ready, after I told my mom I felt so relieved even though she didn't take it too well. For now, maybe just go through some days assuming you're gay, checking out guys and fantasize about them, like Lex said try it on and see how it fits. That helped me a lot when I was questioning/in denial.
Thanks so much! It's great knowing there's support out there. I actually started really checking out guys today at college. There are so many attractive guys on campus... Anyway, I'll try it out. Thanks again, I'll keep up with this and try to talk about my experience here.
