Not in the 'I wish I hadn't come out because now everyone thinks I'm weird' sense; more of the 'I wish I hadn't come out because I'm not actually sure if I'm not straight' way. Background: I'm somewhere on the asexual spectrum, which makes it very hard to judge what I'm attracted to (I simply don't feel sexual attraction until I'm in a relationship, and even then, it's very mild and more about curiosity and wanting to share something special than the act itself) I'm also generally aromantic: I don't quite understand the general desire for romance that most people feel (I do completely understand wanting a specific person though). Beginning April 2012 I was in a long distance relationship with an androgyne (sex: female). I was very excited about it and came out to most of my close friends shortly after. I got dumped in mid-July for many reasons. This was my first and only relationship so far. I have had three crushes in my 18.7 years of life - but only one serious one based on attraction to personality. The first two were at age 11 and 16, lasting about 2 months each, towards boys in my school whose personality and looks were really not what I like - which makes me conclude that these feelings were just due to hormones. BUT, and this is the key thing, the relationship was completely online: we were going to meet next month, but then I got dumped tears: still not completely over it after 2 months - ridiculous considering the relationship was barely longer than that), so there was never a physical component to it. I just started school at a university that has a VERY strong LGBTQ scene and they've been organizing lots of events. I was pretty enthusiastic about them at first, but now I feel unsure about it. When I first got involved with the LGBT groups on campus as queer, not an ally, I was still in my relationship, so I figured that I must definitely be not straight. After it ended, I still strongly identified with the LGBT groups, maybe because the heartbreak was so painful. Now that I have a bit of distance and am about 70% through the healing process, I am not so sure any more. When I told my parents about my relationship (boy, that was pleasant) they made the point that since it was online it didn't really 'count'. They also said many terrible homophobic things, but this point in particular I do agree with somewhat. I felt attraction towards my ex's appearance when we did video calls, and wanted physical intimacy, but (and we talked about this when we were still together) didn't know if this would actually be the case when we met in person. After all, I have never had feelings for a girl in 'real life'. I feel a little regretful about coming out not just because of how it screwed up my relationship with my parents, but also because that put a label of 'not straight' on me that I can't remove, when actually I'm not even sure. Has anyone else ever had something like this? Being unsure again after taking the plunge of coming out?
(Sorry for double posting - I couldn't figure out how to edit my message.) How would you react to someone who changed their mind? I'm worried about the friends I've made within the LGBT community here perceiving me as no longer part of their group or something. People say that sexuality is fluid, but that seems to be more applicable to transitions within the queer umbrella - not "LGBQ -> Straight". I feel like if I end up figuring this out and that hey, I turn out to be straight, I'm providing fodder for arguments like "you'll grow out of this and we need to intervene to turn you straight" (which is what my parents told me when I came out to them). And that makes me guilty and afraid to be questioning again, I guess...?
Yes, a few years back, a girl spread around my school that I was bi. This wasn't a problem because I thought I was at the time. I told my mom about my feelings and she told me to tell everyone that I was straight. So I did, after a few months because I was going out with a girl who I really liked at the time. Anyways, I'm really glad that I told everyone that I wasn't bi. It has given me time to assess my true feelings (that I do, in fact, like girls) and I guess I regretted coming out in that instance because I was still lying about myself XD Don't be afraid to be questioning again, though, just let things roll out and see where things go without worrying too much about labels... my mom also told me this advice and I guess it's good for this sort of thing. Good luck with stuff x
Honey I'm there too. I came out to a couple of people, have lost my best friend, and my parents keep saying that it is just gonna keep happening. Not sure if I have anything helpful really to say other than you CAN be straight and still be cool with homo/bi/transsexual people. It will all work out in the end. I think. We'll get there together, okay? (*hug*)
Yes. I completely regret it. I definitley wasn't ready... i had this insane notion in my head that coming out would make everything more clear, but it didn't. Whats sucks even more is that i came out as a lesbian at first, and now i'm pretty sure i'm bisexual, so it makes things complicated. My advice? wait until you are as sure as you can be about your orientation.
Yes, I regretted coming out as bisexual when I was in my first requestioning period, since I thought that I was actually straight.
Yes and no. For a long time when my sexuality was the main focus in my brain, I hesitated on coming out as "gay" because sometimes I find a guy hot. (it's now referred to as my exception list) But I got over it. I like girls, and sometimes a guy will tickle my fancy, but I'd never be interested in a guy like that. On the flip side with gender, I've come out and wished I hadn't, doubt tends to quickly follow the I'M A BOY, DAMNIT! thoughts. But for me personally I'm not sure if they're just my mind's way of trying to please my mom or if its actually how I feel. On some basic level I know I'm a guy, but my brain wants desperately to be accepted by my family, so I think thats where all the doubt comes from.
