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Scared to tell anyone...especially mom

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by scaredtobeme, Sep 12, 2012.

  1. scaredtobeme

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2012
    Messages:
    10
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    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I like men. There is no doubt in my mind that I want to spend the rest of my life with a man. I suspected at an early age that I was...well, different. I liked to play with doll houses and barbie dolls. Action figures, well I played with them, but it was mostly taking off its clothes. I have a younger brother that came out gay at 17 years old to my parents. Dad somewhat accepts it, and Mom is completely supportive of him. My parents are divorced now and my brother and dad don't have a relationship anymore. I have a good relationship with my mom. My dad on the other hand, it is an okay situation. We get along, but I don't see him much.

    It is mom that I am worried about. She and I are very close. We do a lot of activities together. I don't live with her. I live in my own house, and my roommate is one of my close friends (who, btw, doesn't know I'm gay either). Straight to my concern: my mom has expressed many times the want and desire for me to have children someday. She would like some grandchildren BAD! She talks about all the wonderful things that she wants to do with them. My brother has little interest in having children; so...it is more likely I will being having some kids. I feel that if I tell her that I'm gay that she will not want to have to same close relationship we have always had. I think I am just being silly, but it worries me so bad because I do want children that are my own. A surrogate mother would be my method of choose. If I can adopt, I will. I love children. They are so adorable. But I digress. I am worried that she will not be as accepting of me being gay as she is with my brother. I say that because my mom and brother don't have a close relationship. They are more like roommates living in the same house instead of a traditional mother/son relationship. I just don't want her to feel like she will never have grandchildren. I know it sounds crazy, but it upsets me.

    As far as my friends are concerned, none of them know. My best friend of nearly 15 years...I think he suspects that I'm gay by the way he hints and makes gay remarks towards me. However, I am not sure if he really knows. I want to tell them. I really do. My previous roommate was another friend from this same group of friends. He has since moved to Miami and hasn't kept in touch. We all knew that he wasn't straight, but he refused to admit it. Until I caught him in the shower with another guy. I tell you this because all of my friends (including my current roommate) found out because he confessed that he is gay. They all basically accepted it. My roommate once told me, "I am glad he finally admitted it to himself. I have more respect for the guy." It makes me feel that they will be accepting of me.

    My biggest fear is that people will push me away and not want to have the same type of friendship that we have always had...just because I have admitted that I'm gay. I know in my heart who I am. I am a full time college student with a part time job, a car payment, and a mortgage; who just happens to like men. All of the everyday things combined don't stress me as much as wanting to be able to be who I really am. I want to be able to date and talk about things with my friends as usual. I know some things will change. I just know I could not handle being pushed away by my family and friends right now.

    Someone...please help me understand. I don't know what to do. Should I come out? If I do, then who do I tell? What will it be like to tell them? How should I tell someone? Should I be forward about it or be subtle? What do I do?
     
  2. AyaLou

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2012
    Messages:
    46
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    Location:
    Birmingham, UK
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    All but family
    You know what? In answer to your questions at the bottom, you should come out. But only if it feels right to you. It's terrifying, and I'm not going to sugar-coat that fact, but you will feel better after doing it :slight_smile: When you do, tell someone who you know won't give you a hard time; try getting information on how they feel about this subject without being too obvious. Again, it's scary, but worth it. You should tell them depending on their personality. Like, someone who is impatient won't like it if you hesitate and beat around the bush and will probably get angry, but for someone who is a bit more sensitive, it is probably best if you do it a bit more discreetly.

    Please keep us posted, and the best of luck!! x :3
     
  3. TheEdend

    TheEdend Guest

    Welcome to EC! :slight_smile:

    If you feel like you are ready to come out, which it seems like it, then I think you should definitely go for it. As to how to go about it, that's completely up to you. Some people like to do it subtly, some people like to be upfront, some like texts and some prefer to do it through email. The important part is to get it out. How you go about it really doesn't matter all that much :slight_smile:

    I know its scary, but its more than likely that your friends and family will be more accepting of it all than you think. They love you for who you are and not only because they think you are straight. And honestly, long term friends and family usually have their suspicions already.

    If you want an "easy" start, then I would start with the people around you who are LGBT themselves like your brother or friend. They will usually be very understanding, supportive and they will most likely keep your secret if you want them to.