Things between me and my boyfriend could be going better...

Or at least that's how I feel...

So me and my boyfriend used to be very, very good friends. At some point in time, a few months ago, I started to get feelings for him (note: I was/am a closeted bi, he was, too. We basically both thought of each other as straight). It took me a while, but eventually, about five weeks ago now, I texted him saying I had feelings for him, sort of expecting total rejection. At first it seemed like he did reject me, but a week later, when I was on a holiday, he told me that he missed me so much and that he did have feelings for me. We texted a lot during that week, talking about how we were going to handle this, because we did want a relationship but we had 0 experience with boys so we decided to wait and see how it'd go.

The next week. We were going on a holiday with just the two of us. It wasn't until the 3rd/4th day of the holiday that we had our first kiss (it was me who finally did it). Since that day, we've been a couple. That day is three weeks ago today. It was so great when we were on holiday... but eventually, we had to go back home.

That's where things got complicated. We'd have to tell people. He was the first to tell anyone; his friend, and she was positive about it. It kind of surprised me that he had told her, thinking it'd be easy for him to start telling others...
I was next, a few days later I told my parents. I was so convinced our relationship would work out and my bf kind of pushed me to tell them. So I did. They weren't very positive about it, but they did say it was my life and that it was all up to me. My bf was proud of me, and I was proud of myself because it was so incredibly hard to tell them, it almost seemed unreal. It's so weird how love makes you do such a thing. But okay.

Now I'm kind of scared it's not working out... during our holiday he got into contact with a girl over the internet. At first I told him it was obvious she liked him and that if I were him, I'd tell her I was taken/ didn't feel the same way because he'd only be hurting her. But he didn't think that was necessary. He told me it was a nice young lady but it's nothing more than that, that I didn't need to worry, but then why are they texting all day, and sending each other <3's and what not on twitter? Even when he's with me, and one time I was at his place and he was even Skyping with her. It makes me feel unwanted.
Last weekend I had a party and because I would be gone, he decided to go and visit her. He asked me if that was okay with me. Sure, I said. But I didn't like the thought at all.
After the party we met up again I slept at his place like we normally do during the weekends. At the party, I had told some of my friends, which isn't an easy thing to do, so when we were in bed I just craved some of his attention but he wouldn't stop texting that girl. I fell asleep in the meantime. Woke up when he turned off the lights and he turned around in bed, not saying a word. He knew he had woken me up. So I asked him to spoon me. He mumbled something but wouldn't move a muscle. So I thought like, whatever, and went to sleep. You know, if I were him, I'd have taken that moment to show me some love or something, because he knows how I think of that girl and all, or even just because I told my friends. God.
So last night we kind of had our first fight, through text messages, because something he texted me led me to ask when he was going to tell his parents about us... again, I know. He didn't like me asking him so much because it is so hard for him bla bla and he's not going to think of when he's going to tell them, he's going to wait for a good moment or something, a moment which is not going to come and I've told him that. He said he knows. So what the fuck. I said I wanted his parents to know because I want to be able to show affection and be able to receive some affection, not just when we're in bed at night. But he didn't feel the same way.
Oh and tonight he didn't want to come and see me because he has to get up early tomorrow. That's fair, you'd think, but normally he doesn't give a fuck about getting enough sleep. Last monday, too, he brought me home way earlier than usual because he was tired but he stayed up until past 3 am that night. Probably talking to that damn girl...

I really don't know what to do. I guess I'll just have to wait and see how it goes, I've told him how I feel about things, and I sort of can't do it like this. But I don't want to lose him.
But he's different from the guy I fell in love with. Different from the guy I was on holiday with because he was way more affectionate there. I've told him that, but he just goes 'that's different'. Like how is that different?

I really, really hope I'm just imagining things and he's still in love with me. But if he was he'd show, right? It's making me very insecure. Isn't love supposed to feel good? After all this time we're finally a couple, but it isn't half as good as I expected it to be...

Thanks for reading, some advice would be welcome...

 

Thanks for your replies!

Yes, it's the same friend. I didn't expect anyone to remember that thread!

I've told him how I feel about the girl. At first, before they were texting all day and before I was even slightly worried about it, I told him that he should tell her he's not interested or that he's taken, just to prevent anyone from getting hurt (not just her, because if he did tell her, I'd feel more secure as well) and he said he didn't feel the need to do that.
Later, when I was worried about it, I told him once again that it was obvious she liked him (she even sort of said that, he told me) and that he seemed to be answering those feelings now (based on their twitter conversations - he knows I've read those and he didn't mind -, and the fact they're texting all day). I explicitly told him I was worried about it, and he told me I didn't have to. That was before that night he went there and asked me if that was okay. He knew how I felt about it, so I was glad he at least asked me if it was okay, and I let him go. I don't want to limit him in meeting other people - to a certain extent, though.
The other thing, the fact that -in my eyes- he's showing a lack of affection, I've more or less told him I did not want to have to limit it to just when we are in bed, but he didn't feel the same way. Outside of bed, apart from the occasional hello/goodbye kisses, we act like friends, really. Partly because we're around people who don't know about us, partly because he apparently doesn't feel the need to act otherwise.

I know the texting 'fight' wasn't a very good idea, and I didn't intend to start a fight, really - I didn't know he'd react the way he did. But we kept it short and agreed to have that conversation at a different time.

I'm 19, he's 20.

It's not that I don't want him to meet other people, because I go out with friends and meet other people and what not, but it's the extent to which he's taking this 'meeting' other people that is bothering me. I feel bad for him whenever I send even just one text message in his presence, but he does it all the time. That's an issue I haven't brought up yet, but I knew beforehand he'd be using his phone a lot, he just does that. But he never really used to text this much, until we started the relationship..
When he said he felt like I was checking on him too much, he said he wanted to be able to do his own thing. I'll have to see how it goes the next time we see each other, hopefully tonight, and if he's still texting with her all the time I'll bring up the subject because we haven't seen each other since monday and he should be happy to see me.

-

Thing is, we agreed to be honest with each other, and if he's not in love anymore, he should tell me. Because if he's going to be lying to me, and we were to break up because of that, I won't be able to trust him as a friend either.

Tomorrow is his day off and generally when he has the next day off, I stay at his place for the night. He hasn't mentioned it yet (he's at work anyway) but I'm not sure if I should. I want him to ask me. He's got something to prove... I asked him if he wanted to meet up last night, but he didn't want to because he had to get up early (and guess what? He stayed up til past 3 am again), so now it's his turn.

I don't know if I should even try, what's the point anyway? But we haven't seen each other since I've more or less told him about how I felt, so maybe things will be different when we do see each other and there will still be hope. For the both of us, this is the first time we're having a relationship with a guy so maybe it just takes some time to get used to that.

 

The part in bold is really good to hear (or read in this case), thanks

If we acted more as a couple I would indeed be less worried about the girl and our relationship in general. It's just the total image that is making me very insecure.
Thing is, before I told him I was worried about the girl, he'd openly tell me things like her more or less saying she liked him, or what they've done when they met up, and logically thinking, he wouldn't do that if he liked her. But still.
Yesterday I was at his place, and his mother came in and asked if he was going to visit the girl today. He replied in an agitated manner, and made clear he wasn't going to. He's been texting with her less as well, so I'm not that worried about it anymore.
I stayed at his place for the night, after a week of sleeping alone, and when we finally went to bed I was getting my hopes up, but nothing happened. He was very tired, alright, but the only interaction was me saying I wasn't tired anymore and he grunted and fell asleep.
I couldn't sleep, I got so insecure. I was thinking of asking him if he was still in love with me the next morning, but when we woke up he moved in a little closer and wanted me to spoon him (hate the sound of that word lol). So I did and I felt a little better. Not a single kiss has taken place while I was there though (I'm not really showing much initiative anymore, I want him to show some affection so I can feel better about it without asking, but that might not be the best way).
I'm the one who had to ask if I was going to stay over for the night, too. And still he was like 'Up to you' and showed no sign whatsoever of him actually wanting me to stay over. It's like he doesn't care.

About the last bit, do you mean me coming out to my family (you said his)? If so, it went like this; the day I was going to tell my parents, I told him I was going to tell them that evening, and when the time was there, I kept procrastinating because I was so nervous. It was the hardest thing. And that's when he kind of pushed me to do it anyway (through instant messaging)... So kind of just to help me, I guess. Telling my parents was such a hard thing to do and I was hoping me doing that would show to him how much I loved him to make it easier for him. Especially since we both know his parents will be more positive about the whole thing than my parents were.
It's been two weeks since I've told them, and one week since I've told some of my friends, and I'm really wondering when he's going to tell his parents. Maybe his feelings really have gotten less and that's why he's not taking the risk of telling them. But then he should just tell me..
He says he knows there's not going to be a good moment to tell them, yet what he's waiting for is exactly that... It's not making me feel any better about the relationship. Like I said, the total image is making me insecure. I really need to talk to him about it. I'm kind of afraid he's going to be annoyed or something when I do bring up the subject...

Coming saturday is our one month anniversary (which he sort of had forgotten about, because I mentioned the date some time ago and he was like 'yeah what's up with that?'.. He did apologize but still). We've been talking about going out for dinner or doing something else to celebrate but he doesn't seem all that enthusiastic about it. I'll be bringing up ideas and he'll be like 'yeah, we'll see'. He never used to be like that, much.
I need to bring up the subject of our feelings soon because I don't want to have our one month anniversary and break up the week after.

Who we could be out around, well - certainly not my parents because even though they know, they've said they don't want to see us be all in love. The group of friends of mine that know, well they and my boyfriend have never met, and it's the same with the one friend of his that does know. Of course, we could change that, but still.