Okay, I've already got my own opinion about this but I'm going to ask all of you anyway. What would you think if your "signicant other" asked you if you think it's possible to love someone but not be in love with them?:eusa_thin
I don't know, there are different factors that come into play. Is their question talking about them loving you but not being in love? Is it talking about them loving someone else but not being in love? For example you can love your friends, but not be in love with them. Same with family and such. Maybe I'm misinterpreting what's being said? If they're asking about it in regards to how they feel about you, then yes I'd be a little worried.
Just my two cents....I would take that to mean that their feelings towards me had changed (assuming they had said they were in love with me at some point in the past) and that they were looking for a way to tell me without causing any more pain than they had to. I'd think it meant the spark had gone out of things for them. It wouldn't be clear without more conversation if they meant they wanted to work on getting that spark back into the relationship, or if they were contemplating looking elsewhere. I'm not trying to sound negative, I may be totally wrong. But like everyone else said, I'd be worried.
I would say they are reevaluating. Also, I would suggest they are feeling emotional pain and are not willing to remain as vulnerable as they may have been previously. It's a defensive shift.
Not really! The significant other in this case is my wife. In a previous post I stated that right now I needed to focus on my kids and put my coming to terms with being gay on the back burner until b/c my one son seemed worried my wife and I were fighting. He picked up on our distance from one another. Truly I am fine with putting my needs last for my kids-they are my reason for living. I've been trying very hard for them to work on my relationship with my wife. Yeah, I guess you can say I'm trying to make things better for not me but my kids. I know it means my having to deny who I really am but I feel my reasons are just. I really thought that things were mending between her and I but this past Tuesday she hits me with the question about people loving one another but not being in love right out of the blue. Then last evening everything was fine. Getting along and laughing and it was like a switch went off and she turned on me with no provocation. She gave me the silent treatment cold shoulder and a look that were reminiscent of the daggers of death. I asked her what was wrong or if she was mad at me... Her reply was that nothing was wrong but she continued her hateful glare. It upset me enough that I had a panic attack and it was bad enough that I wasn't able to go to work today. When she came home from work and discovered I hadn't gone in today she sat in front of me and questioned me as to what was wrong. I was not imagining things when I tell you she appeared to have a smirk on her face. Like she knew what had triggered the attack. I've tried, I really have for the sake of my kids but this is no way to live. I plan on confronting her tomorrow about the question she asked about love. If she doesn't love me then I wish she would just go the hell away. I don't deserve her mind games and neither do my kids! Until I have dealt with this though I won't ever be able to move forward with being true to myself.
Your wife is very angry and she is in a great deal of fear. Anger usually covers fear. As I see it, and I am no great sear, you have two issues-being gay and marriage, divorce. I really believe you when you say you are trying to repair your relationship for the sake of the kids but ultimately you are prolonging their discomfort. Kids adjust quite well and will appreciate an environment with less acrimony. As you have previously posted your wife is hostile, close-minded and mean-spirited. Am I correct here? Does she have the capacity of accepting you as you are or will she only accept you if you follow some scripted behavior? Do you want to live the lie and deny who you really are? Do you think you should live with joy or that this is just your plight in life? Do you believe you deserve better? I know this isn't easy. I will be here as best as one can to have your back when in need.
I am so sorry! I'm going through much of the same thing. I came out to my husband and it has been distant ever since. I fear the day he finally realizes that he doesn't love me anymore. But then again maybe that is for the best because at least you can move on and explore who you really are. The main thing is to always put your kid first. Kids will adjust and they will always love you because it is obvious you are a great dad. I'm really sorry this is happening but I'm here if you ever need to talk. I really understand your pain.
