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is it better not to come out at all?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Waterlilly, Sep 12, 2012.

  1. Waterlilly

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    I am not out at all to my family. Some people in my family I never want to come out to, mostly my mom, but also my dad. They are not homophobic, its for other reasons that I don't want to get into just now. Its killing me not to be out to anyone at all though. If I tell my grandma and my mom eventually finds out she'll never forgive me because she's really competitive with my grandma. If I tell my other grandparents and not my grandma and my grandma finds out then she'll be really angry because she's really competitive with my other grandparents plus my mom will still be mad that I told anybody and not her. I'd like to tell my sister, but she's going through a phase (she's 18) and we aren't very close right now and I'm afraid she won't care. It would be really hurtful if the first person I told didn't care. Should I risk telling her? Even though EC is making me feel a lot better, I still very lonely and I need to tell someone in person.
     
  2. pinklov3ly

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    Who do you feel most comfortable telling, your sister or grandparents? What is your gut feeling telling you to do? Our intuition usually leads us in the right direction, so trust that feeling; however, it doesn't necessarily mean that things will work in your favor. I'm not trying to be negative, but more realistic. There are always going to be people who disgree, but you'll learn not to care about what people think of you. Being gay for me, is a blessing in disguise, it's made who I am today.

    I actually came out to my friend's dad and so did she; I actually helped her do so. She hasn't told her mother or sister, but I keep encouraging her to come out. I keep telling her that some people change their feelings towards the lgbt community once they find out that someone they love is gay. However, that's not the case majority of the time unfortunately--only in a perfect world. I think you should tell your sister first, even though she's going through something at the moment. Just tell her that you need to tell her something important and hopefully she will listen. I came out to my sisters when I was 18, one of them was okay with it, but my other sister treated me differently for a while. It did hurt, but I'm a lot more confident now, and she's grown to accept who I am.

    I'm not trying to deter you from telling your sister, but just prepare yourself. Her reaction could be amazing, but you will never know until you at least try. Once you tell her, it'll be easier for you to tell your grandparents, as well as your mom in whichever order you'd prefer, good luck! Keep me updated :slight_smile:
     
    #2 pinklov3ly, Sep 12, 2012
    Last edited: Sep 12, 2012
  3. IrishLad93

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    This is a tricky situation. It seems that your mom and dad and grandparents are pretty much ruled out, as you said. I think the best thing to avoid is negative feedback at such a crucial moment of revealing yourself.

    To me it seems like your sister is your best bet, but one thing, you certainly don't need to be in a rush to tell anyone. I know you want to get it off your chest and just be able to confide in someone who you are connected too, but this could be a perfect time to recover your relationship with your sister. Start building bridges again

    A month or even a few weeks of reconnecting, in comparison to how far you've made it with telling your best friend will be okay.

    Small steps are all it takes, and its not just for selfish reasons because gay or not, you would most likely want to have that connection anyways. I say that if you reconnect and get closer to your sister or at least reconnect those ties, it would be easier for both of you. Start by spending time together or by just trying to keep in touch.

    Once you get to that stage of comfortability, it will be better for you, Im not saying easy but maybe just not as risky and not as nerve racking. You could put it to her in a form of sister sister confidence. She may like the fact that your confiding in her and enjoy the rebounding of the relationship or start of the relationship if you were never quite close to her. (I was never to close to my middle and older brothers).

    But of course, as pinklov3ly mentioned, I think we all have to expect some sort of degree of rejection. Id personally say not the fact that you may actually be rejected but to protect yourself from rejection you will become nervous and hesitant as its tough and it is scary.

    :love:

    I hope I helped and can continue too :slight_smile: (*hug*)