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Why would someone do this?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by randomflag, Sep 13, 2012.

  1. randomflag

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    My friend hasn't come out as gay but she has been flirting with me for the past few months. Winking, making eye contact, calling me 'homo', chatting online constantly, phoning me at work to ask about something minor, making suggestions, such as, she can't wait for saturday night because I said I'd be sleeping naked. She also told me when she was drunk that she wanted to finger me and that she had feelings for me (but I don't remember clearly).

    I didn't realize I was bisexual at the time and although I'm engaged I continued to chat with her and eventually started to developed feelings for her.

    We got drunk one night and I kissed her, I confronted her and asked her why she'd been flirting with me the way she had. She denied it and laughed hysterically. In the meantime, the day after she told all my friends that I'd been saying really nasty stuff about her and that I should apologize. I called her and apologized for being forward but asked her once again whether she had something to say about the flirting etc. She said no, and continued to laugh at me.

    I felt really hurt and I told her that I thought I was going to lose all my friends and fiance because of this. I haven't, but I got scared, and she continued to laugh. I felt really stupid and to admit to all my friends that I was bisexual was really difficult, I put myself out there and she just laughed. :icon_redf

    I no longer speak to her but she ended the conversation on the phone by saying we were cool. Was she trying to teach me a lesson or trying to get me down? Why would someone do this to someone else?
     
  2. Mercy

    Mercy Guest

    shes jealous of you
     
  3. Kerze

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    Some people aren't nice people and they do not nice things because they find it entertaining. The laughing would suggest she either likes you or is doing it for fun and finds your reactions really bloody hilarious. Either way, her behaviour is affecting your life and your relationship with your fiance in a negative way. I wouldn't continue to talk to her.
     
  4. randomflag

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    i don't understand why that would cause her to behave the way she did. you mean she's jealous because she wants to be with me? she wants me to split with my fiance?
     
  5. nooceansleft

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    People can do strange things when they like someone.

    Maybe put yourself in this girl's shoes for a moment. There's this girl that she wants - she's just a friend - but every time she walks into the room her heart stops. But she's straight (ish) and coupled and doesn't seem to be particularly interested, and even after making out she doesn't end up with a happily ever after.

    It can be enough to send someone a little dippy, no?

    And, one other thing, and I say this all the time - you've got to put your own shit before other people's. You can't deal with the problems or insecurities of others before you've dealt with your own. It's like in the safety demonstration on an airplane - they always tell you to fit your own oxygen masks before assisting others, yeah?

    You gotta fit your oxygen mask.
     
  6. smprob

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    If I were to, I'd keep away from her.
    It's your choice to come out or not. If you meant by this^ that you came out to your friends I think it's good, so you don't have to fear about losing them bc of her.

    As I understand it's no use trying to read her actions as she doesn't seem to be honest with it or whatever.

    But have you asked yourself why you are so curious/concerned about her intentions or what hold does she has on you. :confused: May be she thinks/aware-of that she has some effect on you, and exploit it , to see what happens. :slight_smile:
     
  7. Chrissouth53

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    That was my first impression.
     
  8. randomflag

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    I want to know if she tried to hurt my on purpose. If she did, then I don't want to see her or associate with her ever again. If she truly had feelings for me, I could forgive her.

    Why do you think she's jealous?
     
  9. Gen

    Gen
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    She definitely did it on purpose. These are signs of someone who is insecure with either themselves or their orientation, or both. She wanted your attention and possibly desire, which is why she played with your emotions. She was going to get it one way or another, which is why she told everyone that you were after her, to make it seem as though you were the one after her all along.

    I personally would sever ties. Normally, I would say to just ignore her, but sense she decided to tell lies to your friends, I would make it clear why you arent associating with her. You dont have to argue with her, just make sure that people know there is two sides of the story.
     
  10. Mercy

    Mercy Guest

    shes jealous because your happy
     
  11. Hazel

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    Few fries short of a Happy Meal.
     
  12. randomflag

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    I think you're right, she always wanted my attention. She used to always cry and lie about things I knew were impossible. Why do people do this? It's sad because deep down I think she's a good person. I know she's been hurt badly in the past and she has been through a lot of emotional trauma. I think she wanted my attention, not me.