I'd appreciate another perspective on this problem I'm facing. I've been attending an LGBT group for people my age for a few months. There aren't a lot of regular attendees, which makes getting to know people hard, but I'm slowly (I emphasize slowly) getting to know some of the other people who come regularly. A positive development is that they're looking for new people to be involved in running and supporting the group. I know it would be really good for me to get involved so I can feel more attached to the community and get to know people better. I also legitimately want to help out. I also think having some connection with the group may help build momentum towards coming out. However, I feel weird being involved and getting to know people when I'm not out. It feels like, and very well may be, a hindrance. One problem is the occasional feeling like I don't quite fit in. I can deal with that. Another is feeling like I don't deserve gay friends while closeted. Yet another is hiding what's going on in my life from my family, whom I live with. It's stressful being closeted. It's hard to make friends while stressed. Openness with my family would hopefully alleviate the guilt and stress. So coming out to my family would make my group involvement more authentic. To sum up, having some connection to the gay community helps in coming out, but not being out to my family holds me back from being connected to the gay community, but coming out to them is difficult by not being connected to the gay community. Any new perspectives would be great.
If you're involved in this group already, and you're getting to know people who go there, and you have a chance to help run and support something that you're enjoying - then I say go for it. You might feel like you don't deserve it - but let the people you're meeting decide that for now. If they want you to be involved and they think you can do some good there, then it's worth a shot. And you might feel like you don't belong, but being in the closet is definitely no problem here - is everyone else in the group completely out? Just do what you can with what you've got right now, and enjoy it as much as you can.
Thanks for your reply. You reminded why I joined the group in the first place. It was to have fun and nothing more. It's an interesting group. It's not a coming out group, but a social group. But I think there are a fair share of, for lack of a better phrase, "newly out' people there. It was eventually confirmed when a member left a comment on the group's website saying that he felt some people came seeking more support than what the group intended to provide and that the group should make some effort to help those people anyway. I would agree with that but it does not bother me personally. I went there knowing it's not a support group. My real difficulty is mentioning I'm new to the gay community without making it look like I misunderstand the group's purpose. Also that "newly out" info just seems too personal to mention when just getting to know someone and just want to chat.
Well, hey - being social and meeting other gay people can be its own form of support. And if they're even talking publicly about providing support to people in the group, despite that not being its main and/or stated purpose, then I'd say you're all set with them.
