thinking about coming out subtly

Hi there, and welcome to EC!

I think it really depends on with what you feel comfortable. For some, such as for myself, talking with others is the preferred method of coming out. I think there is something to be said for talking with friends/family members or with those that are important to us about who we are. For myself, it was also the best way to ensure that it wouldn't spread before I was ready for everyone else to know.

Of course, dropping subtle hints by wearing a bracelet or perhaps even a pride wrist band and having others come to you and ask you one or two questions, is a good way to go about it as well. Given that you want to drop some hints, it sounds like that a part of you is ready for others to know. All I would suggest is that you wear the bracelet or identifying marker only during times where your friend(s)/family is/are present. That should help in making sure that you still have a chance to say "please allow me to come out to others."

In the end, it doesn't matter as to how you come out. All that matters is that you come out in a way that you feel most comfortable with, and that you are ready.

 

Hi there! Take a step back, and take a deep breath. Things will be fine. (*hug*)

If you re-read your last post, you said something very important, that should give you pause and encouragement. Your brother is gay, and you mom wishes that he would have someone with whom he could talk and relate. Now, take a moment to think about that. Your brother is the best person in the world to come out to at this very moment.

You don't need to come out to your mom today or tomorrow, if you feel that you are not ready to come out to her yet. But you can sit down with your brother in his or your room, and talk to him. You have a good entry point into the conversation: "I understand what you are going through and I need you to know that you are not alone, because I like guys too (if you don't want to say 'I'm gay')."

In some ways, your brother has become a role model for you. He is gay and out. He is someone you can look up to, and follow in his footprints. The path is there. His support and you having someone to talk to, should help you in gaining the courage and motivation to talk about, and be open, yourself.

That said, it is absolutely okay to take it slow and to have moments were you try coming out, but it doesn't happen. Every time you try, and think about coming out, you are getting one step closer.

Here is another thing to keep in mind. By coming out and starting to talk to your brother, mom, and others, you are making yourself vulnerable. You are opening up about your inner secrets that you have carried for so long, and a part of you is fearful of what is going to happen, despite having evidence that it all should go well. Always keep in mind though that making yourself vulnerable, being honest and allowing others to see and get to know you, you are allowing for good and wonderful things to happen. You are laying the foundations for them to flourish.