Okay. I've been talking to my ex, trying to figure out why I'm not more upset about the break up. (Broke up last Friday, Sept. 7, and he was my first boyfriend.) My one sibling is accusing me of not loving him to begin with (not true), another friend suggests that I might have expected the end of the relationship so was better prepared (plausible), and still others are just as stumped as we are. My ex recommended some of the various forums he had been following as he searches for his answers to his own questions. He said he may have found a site that identifies one of our mutual friends and that I should take a look at it. I did and found a lot of striking similarities with what was being said about the orientation of asexuality and the way I feel towards other people. I've been mulling it over and all I've wound up with are a bunch of intersecting and tail eating circles as well as several migraines. I'm at wits end arguing and questioning myself. I have come to one conclusion amidst the arguing. I tend to favor guys over women when looking for a partner, though I really found I don't care too much about genders in relationships. So I guess the questions are: Is there a way for me to be sure (like a test or something I can do for myself)? If I am, how the heck to I tell other people without them flipping shit (like family and any future potential partners)?
I'm going to need you to. answer some questions if that's OK? were you sexually or romantically attracted to your ex? there are huge differences between the two. do you want to have sex at all? remember That just because someone is asexual, doesn't mean that they don't experience romantic attraction or aesthetic attraction, if they don't with that either then they are also aromantic.
From what I've concluded I think it was more romantic than sexual attraction. That sexual attraction did occur as the relationship progressed but not in the physical aspect....it's kinda hard for me to explain what I had considered sex without sounding like an escapee from a mental institute. I actually tried to talk to him about it but I think the only reason he understands is due to him being more open minded than anything else. To be honest...I really don't want to have sex. The thought of the act is gross to me. Theory is one thing but actually going through with the act...I just can't see myself doing it.
I understand what you're trying to say. In which case I suspect that you are somewhere on asexual spectrum. if you want a label thenas your profile says straight, heteromantic asexual. ---------- Post added 14th Sep 2012 at 07:47 PM ---------- I understand what you're trying to say. In which case I suspect that you are somewhere on asexual spectrum. if you want a label thenas your profile says straight, heteromantic asexual.
Okay...what is the best way to tell friends/parents about my orientation? Is it better to recommend a website or to try and describe it on my own? The worst question I think I have that's really bothering me though is something stupid and obvious. Mostly, is this normal or just another point towards me being nuts (as several relatives and myself at times think I am)?
you are definitely not nuts I will tl you that for sure, this is perfectly normal. I'm afraid I can't help you with parents but I can with friends. unfortunately with asexuality it is very difficult to explain to someone who isn't of that orientation (in some cases its like trying to teach a dog what its like to be human) some people understand to some extent and some not at all. I've found it easiest first explaining different types of attraction to people (of course you could always simply say that you don't want sex) then go on to say that I don't feel sexual attraction towards people. in the past a few of my friends Have actually googled it to find out more And to better understand it which was quite nice. unfortunately I canthink of any useful websites rift now of the top of my head..
Hi Broken Bottle, When I red your message I recognized myself at some parts. I identify myself as asexual too. Most of people I know they want to have sex a lot. But me I don't, because I think it is gross and has no meaning... I can have sex with someone only if that person stimulates me intellectually, which means, I like to have great conversations around intellectual subjects. It takes me a lot of time to get to the point I want to have sexual intercourses with someone. Reason why I can't find anyone patient enough to wait for me. They end up leaving me or cheat on me. So I decided to remain single since I don't really know why I'm asexual (I try to find out). I don't feel the need to ''come out'' to anybody because I feel my orientation/sexual life/sexual identity is private and personnal. It saves me a lot of painful explanations. But, if you feel the need to tell your ciblings, it's your personal choice. Do what makes you feel comfortable. Hope I helped
I'm asexual (the idea of having sex with another person doesn't appeal to me at all) but I'm not sure if I ever want to share this information with other people. One, they probably won't understand it and two, I don't want to be looked at like I'm a freak (which I'm not, but from people who experience sexual attraction they may look at me that way, and it's just not worth it to me. I enjoy having friends). Plus I've already come out of the closet as bi (which I still am, just biromantic instead of bisexual) and I don't really want to come out again XD
Ah. I can see your point. If I do get involved with another person again, not likely to happen anytime soon, I just want to be prepared with an explanation so he or she doesn't lose interest or feel like they aren't doing/being enough for me.
