Okay, so... Those of you who saw the last thread that I started know that I had a huge depression for about a month... Well, I think I've gotten over it, but I've been having some mood swings... Like one minute, I'll feel completely happy! :icon_bigg Like I wanna tell everybody that I'm bi! And then the next, I feel so depressed and sad... :icon_sad: like I wanna go sit in my room and cry... I'm also feeling very nervous as of late... I wanna tell one of my friends at school that I'm bi, mainly because she's one of my only friends that doesn't know, and so I don't have to be so closed-mouthed around her, and I know she wouldn't have a bad reaction and would probably say, "Why the hell were you nervous about telling me this?"... And yet I'm still nervous about telling her. There's another friend that I wanna tell, too, who honestly probably wouldn't care whether I'm gay, bi, or straight, but I'm nervous about telling him. There's also another friend that I really, really like... I have since we were like twelve... And I'm the most nervous about telling him that I'm bi, mainly because of how I feel about him... I feel like I need to tell him so that, if he ends up rejecting me, I can go back to feeling like our friendship is normal... I mean, he might be gay, mainly because he hasn't dated anyone yet, but it's more than likely that he's straight... Plus, there's my parents. They haven't been extremely supportive, but they haven't been extremely against it, either... Sometimes, they seem to refuse to acknowledge the fact that I'm bi... I mean, I don't bring it up with them, but they haven't said anything about it since I told them... I'm just really worried what they'll say if I do end up going out with said friend... So... Is all of this normal? Is it normal to have huge mood swings and feel so nervous all the time even when trying to tell people who you know wouldn't have a bad reaction? And is it normal to want to tell someone you like that you like them so you can feel like you have a normal friendship if they end up not liking you that way back? Is it normal to feel scared of what your parents might say? If this is all normal, can I please get some advice?
It is 100% normal. Nervousness and stress are normal human reactions. They are emotions they are part of the body's emotional response system. The only way to make them go away is to eliminate the cause. All you can do is tell the people you want to, and see their reactions. After that, what happens will happen. There is no use in dwelling on the future and obsessing over things that haven't happened yet. I'm almost sure that everything will go well with you. If not, just know that I'm here for you! I had depression myself a long time ago. It is almost like a habit. You want to turn to it because it's the only way you know. Find other emotions and find other ways to think and be. Trust me. It works. If our change your mind, you will change your life. Since I went through this myself, I know how to help you.
I won't say it's "normal", because I dislike the term, but I'd say your worrying is justified. As for your friends, if they're going to be supportive, then just tell them. It's understandable to be scared of people's reactions, and you can wait and analyze the situation so much or wait for that "perfect moment" only for it to never show up... but at some point, you've gotta just take the plunge and tell them, especially if there's no realistic reason to think it'll go badly. Do you have other friends at school that you've already come out to? I will caution you about coming out to your guy friend though. I think if he's supportive, that's great, but don't caught up in a dangerous mindset just because you like him. Sure, him not having dated is a reasonable indicator that maybe he's not into girls, but it's not unheard of for guys to not date at that age. I only warn you of this because I was recently debating telling a close guy friend of mine my feelings for him (I'm out to him, as well) in hopes that I could move on. Additionally, he also hasn't dated, and he's nearly 20... but I've unintentionally asked him before and he's said he's straight, so I can't do anything but assume he's straight. And besides, if he's my friend, I should trust what he says, and the fact that he knows I'm open enough he could talk to me if he was closeted and struggling or something (though that's not the case). The other advice I have regarding telling your friend is while I understand the reasoning for wanting to tell him in order for you to move on, it's important to remember that even if he was cool with you, that might weird him out if he's never contemplated that fact. Getting hit with the "I like guys and oh, I like you too" bombs all in one shot is a lot for anyone to swallow, and it's even harder since it gets really personal for him. Remember that we can't control how other people will react, but we can control our actions, so maybe it'd be worth considering keeping that to yourself. Ultimately it's your decision, and like you I came really close to telling my friend a couple of days ago, but I ended up deciding that I could hold out until that feeling passes as I value our friendship more. Just something to think about. As for your parents... it's quite possible they're not bringing it up because you're not bringing it up. Sure, they might not be comfortable with it, but look at it from their shoes for a second: If they're uncomfortable and don't know how to act and see that you aren't ever mentioning it, why would they feel they should bring it up? If they're not outright unsupportive, they're probably internally making an effort to continue treating you the way they think is most appropriate and consequently following their lead because they don't know what to do. And again, I wouldn't worry about what they'd say if you start going out with your guy. Get to the hurdle of whether or not he even likes guys first, then start worrying about that.
mustachedwaffle: I know what you mean about depression being like a habit... Deep down, when I am depressed, I know I don't want to be, but it feels like it's the only way to handle things... BudderMC: Your advice is very realistic. Thanks! Yeah, I have friends that I've already come out to. Most of the friends I've come out to are from school, so I do have a bit of support if I decide to come out to them. As for my guy friend, I'm not gonna come out and tell him that I like him at the same time. I know that wouldn't be a good thing. But I do feel like I should tell him... I've tried waiting this out. I really have tried, but I've felt this way for five years, and I'm pretty sure that, if I don't intentionally say something soon, something will slip. I see your point, though. Especially about him being weirded out. According to the friends I've come out to, they never would have guessed I'm bi, so he might be weirded out. I've told one friend before that I had a crush on him. (I had one on him. I don't anymore.) Everything actually went okay with that. He told me that even though he's straight, he was fine with me having a crush on him, and I actually had my feelings for him that I had for about a year pass within a month. I feel like our friendship is back to the way it used to be! That's why I wanna tell my friend that I like him. I do value our friendship, though! He's one of my best friends, and I wouldn't wanna lose him as a friend. I will definitely take your advice into account, though. I guess my problem is that I tend to be attracted to more boyish guys. So far, I've only had crushes on people that I know or am pretty sure are straight. ^_^' And about my parents... I guess I'm really scared about talking to them 'cause... Well, we're all Catholic, and my dad is against homosexuality. I don't think he's as against it now as he was before I came out to them, but I know he still has some of those feelings about it. My mom kinda struggles with her viewpoint on it, and my sister, who's talked to my mom about homosexuality since I came out to all of them, says that she's struggled even more since I came out. I'm just really trying to work up the courage to talk to them.
I went through this and I still am. One day I would be like, "i should come out to ___" but then I would chicken out of it. I was trying to come out to my cousin for like two weeks and then I saw a segway in our texts and told her. her response was "why didn't you just tell me to shut up?" Even today, I was planning on coming out to one of my friends, but I didn't see her, but I have a feeling I wouldn't have done it anyways. You will know probably know when the time is right, and if you change your mind on telling someone, it is totally okay.
Not a problem! If you do decide you want to share your feelings, definitely don't come out and tell him that all in one shot. I know you seem to know that, but I figured it couldn't hurt to reiterate it. No sense making his brain go overload all in one shot Also, that's pretty awesome that your other friend was so chill about your feelings and that things did pan out nicely so that you could be friends again. The only reason I shared my cautionary tale is because where I'm standing now, I am actually getting over my friend (albeit slowly). So that's to say that you can get over your crush without outright telling him about it... but it might take longer and might be more painful for you. On the other hand, it's likely a "safer" route in terms of keeping your friendship together. That's where you need to weigh whether or not it's worth it. If you choose to try waiting it out, the general idea for getting over crushes is time, distance, and distraction. If he's your friend, you probably do spend a lot of time close to him... so the only viable option you've got is distraction. See if you can find someone else to set your sights on, ideally a gay/bi one who you actually stand a chance of ending up with What exactly do you hope to talk to your family about when you talk with them? Is it to somehow convince them that there's nothing wrong with homosexuality?
Yes, actually... I know I'm most likely not going to be able to convince them, but I wanna at least give it a shot. Even if I can't convince them that there's nothing wrong with it, I'll at least have told them how I feel about it since I was kinda lacking in that when I came out... Yeah, I was forced to come out (to my parents, anyway) before I was ready, so I really didn't know how to tell them how I felt. But my sister is totally supportive of me, and maybe I could have her help me out a bit.
