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Need some advice on meeting other gay guys in my area

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Borat57, Sep 14, 2012.

  1. Borat57

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    I live in Franklin Square, New York. It's a small town on Long Island. I came out last year to my friends and my mother. The only dating experience I have is with my ex-boyfriend who I dated for about 5 months. I'm 18 years old and I just started college and I don't have any idea how to meet other gay guys. I'm very shy so I get nervous even thinking about hitting on a guy as I'd fear that he might be straight. I have lots of friends but I'm home most of the time as I still don't have my license. I have no way of getting to a gay bar so that option is out. So if someone could give me advice of where I could look, that would be great. Also, if other guys can tell me how to approach a guy I like if I don't know if he's gay or straight. Please help me!
     
  2. Mirko

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    Hi there, and welcome to EC! :slight_smile:

    Being in college is a good opportunity to meet new people, and perhaps get to know other gay guys. Have you looked into as to whether your college has a LGBT support or social group on campus? Joining a support or social group might also help you to become a bit more outgoing around new people.

    Have you had a chance to also look around what's available in your community or wider community that you could access with public transportation easily?

    One way to approach someone who you don't know as to whether he is gay or straight is trying to talk with him, and at some point come out to him, and see what he says. It will be a bit of work, and you will need to put yourself out there, and make yourself vulnerable but you might end up getting to know someone who might also be interested in you.
     
  3. Borat57

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    Yeah my school has a Pride club but we're only in our 2nd week and I'm brand new to the school so I haven't gone yet. I think my main problem is that I'm shy when it comes to meeting new people. I already met a guy that I really like in my class and I have no idea what his sexual orientation is. But I keep noticing things that make me feel as if he likes me or he just likes me as a friend. I just don't want to scare him off by saying I'm gay. He's an awesome guy that even if he isn't gay, I would still like to be friends with so I'm nervous about putting myself out there. Thank you for responding by the way!
     
  4. Mirko

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    You're welcome, no worries! :slight_smile: Do you have a friend that you could ask to go with you to a Pride group meeting or get together. Sometimes, people will ask their friends to come along as it helps them to overcome the initial fear of going in or starting to talk to people. Maybe, in your case being shy, going with a friend, or someone that you know, could help you as well.

    I think it would be perfectly safe to talk to the guy, especially if you have noticed things as well. You have already something in common you can talk about: your class/school. Having something in common to talk about, is a great way to start a conversation. Once you have the foundations for it, conversations can easily shift to other topics as well. Take your time in developing that connection. Start or continue with saying 'hi' when you see him, and start building on it.

    Putting yourself out there, can definitely be difficult and scary. Putting yourself out there means that you are making yourself vulnerable, you are putting yourself on the line. Our brains are wired to build up expectations, it can hurt when these expectations aren't met. But here is the thing: being vulnerable and letting yourself be seen, putting yourself out there can also be very rewarding because you are also giving yourself the chance to get to know people. If they end up as friendships, that's already something great to hang on to.

    Knowing from my own experience, starting to talk to people who I like and have a crush on, is always hard. I can tell you stories about asking a barista guy out in a coffee shop. Did I make myself vulnerable? Yes. How did it feel when I realized it didn't go as I hoped it would? Not so good. But how does it feel that I have tried it and gave it a chance? Great!

    However keep in mind, that it is totally okay to take it really slow and go at a pace that you feel comfortable with.

    Hope this helps!
     
  5. Borat57

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    You totally helped! I'm going to keep talking to this guy when we have class again. Thank you so much!