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I Can't Let Go </3

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by pinklov3ly, Sep 15, 2012.

  1. pinklov3ly

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    I met this girl almost a year ago on a dating website and well...we talked/dated for the longest time. Well, I'll admit that it was kind of my fault the reason why we stopped talking. I was flirting with this girl who was a friend on my friend's list on Facebook. The girl I was dating saw it, so she unfriended on fb; every since then things were never the same. However, we continued to talk then all of a sudden she stopped speaking to me :tears: I truly believe that she stopped talking to me for other reasons, which I'm clueless about :confused:

    I was just incredibly confused because I thought things were all right :icon_sad:

    I decided to let her go, but I find myself still thinking about her, although I've been talking to and dating other people. I miss her so much that it hurts :tears: I've been doing good the past few months, but it's been a front. How do I get over her?
     
    #1 pinklov3ly, Sep 15, 2012
    Last edited: Sep 15, 2012
  2. Gravity

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    There are a lot of specific things you might do. Don't go places that remind you of her, and set new routines that take you new places. If you have anything that reminds you of her, for any reason, get rid of it, or at least pack it away so you don't see/use it regularly. Seek out people different from her to date, if you think it will help. Or seek out people just like her to date if you think that will help. Start a new hobby. For the time being, don't stay up late at night - this is when we're least distracted and thus most emotionally vulnerable.

    Beyond this, though, get used to the thought of respecting her wish not to be in contact. If she made this choice, then all you can really do - if you want a positive outcome - is accept it. No matter what happens, that is the way to move forward.

    Best of luck though - I know it's a hard situation to be in. (*hug*)
     
  3. Clown

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    Do you think she feels the same in any way?
    I only ask that as a sign of what you can do.
    If you feel like there's no more of a chance with her, then as hard as it may be, it may be time to let go.
    Dating others might not be the best way.
    In the end, if she's still in your mind, any relationship you may compare to the one you had with her which would be unfair to you and the person you're currently with.
    It might help to review your relationship: no relationship is perfect. There must have been things you didn't enjoy her doing or saying, etc.
    If you could make a list of how things wouldn't have worked out, it may make you feel better because you know it would be out of your control.
    Think to yourself: as much as I cared for her, I believe there's someone out there that is better and is just waiting for someone like me.
    You still have so much life ahead of you.
    Make the most of it. You know, along with everyone else, that you are a wonderful person who deserves the best.
    Go find them. :slight_smile:
     
  4. pinklov3ly

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    Thank you so much! She probably does think of me, but we're so much alike that we're both stubborn. I'm willing to put myself out there again, I have nothing to lose except for the girl that I've been talking to. She doesn't have to know right now, although I have mentioned her to her.

    The girl I was dating, I think wasn't sure of what she wanted, but she also led me on--kind of. I thought she was gay, but I'm not sure anyone. I don't think I'm going to be able to move on and it's totally unfair to anymore new that may enter my life. I really thought I was over her, but I'm not.

    ---------- Post added 15th Sep 2012 at 04:26 AM ----------

    Thank you and I have been doing doing really good except for when I saw her face/picture :icon_sad:

    I have terrible insomnia so it's difficult to go to sleep. I usually don't think about her, but today was just the day that I couldn't help, but admit it to myself. I still have her pics and a hoodie of hers that I wear--sometimes. I just don't think that I can do better than her :icon_redf
     
    #4 pinklov3ly, Sep 15, 2012
    Last edited: Sep 15, 2012
  5. Clown

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    Well it might give you a little comfort knowing that she may be going through something similar if you two are alike.
    But then again, weigh your options. Decide what's best for yourself first. Others should understand.
    I'm a little confused about which girl you're talking about haha.
     
  6. pinklov3ly

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    I'm talking to someone new, but lately I've been thinking about the girl I used to date before this new girl. I miss her so much, I've moved on, but I can't help but think about the other girl I used to date.
     
  7. Gravity

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    Face pictures popping up can be a triggering moment - I hear you. But stay proactive - when they do pop up, put them away - designate a spot in the closet or some storage room for them, preferably in a box so even if you have to rummage around in there, you won't see them by accident. Same goes for the hoodie - anything that's going to be triggering. If the pictures are on your comp/phone/whatever, just store them in a different file someplace, where you won't stumble across them.

    And if the insomnia is a factor here, look into sleep supplements for a short-term solution. People have varying luck with melatonin, sleeping pills, etc. It might be worth it to give yourself a mental break (and some quality rest) for a bit.

    Whether you can do "better" or "worse" than her isn't the point - you can do differently, with different people. And if they return your feelings, then it *will* be better, for you.
     
  8. Mirko

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    Hi there! In addition to the excellent suggestions/advice from Gravity and Clown you have received, I thought I'll offer you one additional suggestion.

    When you have thoughts about her popping up, what might help you is not to fight against them, but rather to acknowledge them and just say to yourself "there they are" and just let them pass through as it were. The important thing here is that you keep doing what you were doing at the time these thoughts popped up. Don't stop and start thinking about, or trying to analyze, them. Fighting against thoughts, can actually make them stronger because this is when you start paying more attention to them and are letting your mind wander to these thoughts and associated feelings.
     
  9. pinklov3ly

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    That actually makes perfect sense because I have allowed myself to think about her and to be sad. It seems like, now, that I am trying to move on with someone new, I'm becoming apprehensive. I miss her more than anything because she was an important part of my life. And if she was to come back, I truly believe that I would give her another shot at love. And I know that it wouldn't be fair to this new girl that I'm talking to. It seems like everyone--literally, in my past who I've dated, they seem to come back into my life wanting another chance. I never bite the same dog twice, but in this case I guess a cat :grin: I hope no one takes offense to that, it's merely a joke. It's just a little saying that my mom has always taught me. She usually tells that if it did not work out the first time, what makes me think that it's going to work out the second time...
     
    #9 pinklov3ly, Sep 15, 2012
    Last edited: Sep 15, 2012
  10. Tycho

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    Don't get too caught up in the idea of a possible future together though... because if she doesn't come back for a second shot then you would have wasted time waiting for it to happen.
    Continue dating others etc. - just because you haven't encountered someone who makes you feel the way she did doesn't mean that there's not another girl like that out there, you probably just haven't found her yet.

    I'm in the same boat as you really... But the flame will only survive for as long as you let it. I'm currently stomping on the one within my heart, because I know even though there is hope in the future with the way she treated me perhaps she wouldn't even be a good gf i.e if it was so easy for her to cut contact before what makes you think she'd be a loyal gf if it was to happen..
     
  11. pinklov3ly

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    I'm giving up for now, only because I was having a weak moment. I was stuck at the hospital with my sister who was bitten by a spider, so I had a lot of time on my hands. I'm thinking about calling her, well...texting her first to make sure she's okay with me calling her. I actually have a date later, so hopefully my new girl will keep me distracted ;-)
     
  12. Gravity

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    It may be the next day, but just as a suggestion - hold off on calling/texting her for now. If you want to get in touch, wait for a moment when it can be very casual - "hey, I haven't talked to her in a while, I wonder how she's doing?" If you "need" something from her, on the other hand, then either you won't get it and you'll feel bad, or you will and it won't help you get over her.

    Hopefully the date went/goes well!
     
  13. pinklov3ly

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    Well, I have good new/ somewhat bad news. I couldn't help myself, so I texted her and she said that she misses me too. I don't know what it means yet, and I had to reschedule my date. I'm not going to rush into anything too soon with either girl because my emotions are all over the place right now. Thanks for the amazing advice everyone, I really appreciate it :slight_smile:
     
  14. Gravity

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    Did you reschedule the date because you got in touch with her?

    Hey, in the end, whatever happens, happens - just be honest with yourself and make whatever decision you think it best for yourself.
     
  15. TearDropFairy91

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    I have in your shoes so many times, with me I got over them over time. Focus your mind on other stuff that always help :slight_smile: believe me I've hurt that bad too, sometimes you still never really get over them, sometimes you just think of them over the blue. Maybe you could message her? if not I have no idea :confused:
     
  16. silverhalo

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    Well here is what I think.
    I think you should talk to the old girlfriend, like properly, lay it down to her. Say 'I know what I did was wrong and I regret it. I have tried to move on but somehow I just can get you out of my head. I still like you and would really love to give it another go, but if you dont feel the same then I respect that and will continue to move on with my life, but I just have to know how you feel'.
    Something along those lines, then the ball is in her court, she can either say 'yes I would like to give it another go', or 'no thanks im not interested'. Whilst the latter might be a little upsetting I think in the long run it will help you find closure on the matter. I think part of your problem is that you never really knew what happened. So you might want to ask her that as well, 'why did you stop talking, was it something I did'.
    I think at the moment you are half heartedly trying to move on from her (not that you are not trying) but subconciously I think you still believe that you have a chance to get back with her, so I think you kind of tell yourself to move on, but not to forget her completely just incase you still have a chance, so I think you need closure one way or another and I believe you will only get this by talking to her.
     
  17. pinklov3ly

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    I have talked to her and she told me that she was dating someone from work. However, things ended badly and now, things are extremely awkward between the two of them. And at the moment she's not looking for anything serious, which is fine because I'm talking to someone. Here's the thing, she and I were never exclusive, but it's making me wonder if she was dating this girl while she was dating me. It's making me question the times when we couldn't hang out. Was it because she had to work or was she really with this girl.

    So, now I know why it didn't take her long to move on, because she had this girl as a backup plan. I'm completely turned me off because she used to mention this girl a lot, but I'm hoping that it was not the same girl. I don't even want to know honestly. Although, she could have very well started dating this girl after things went sour between her and I, but I'll never know the truth.

    Obviously, this girl isn't someone who I want to give my heart to again. I'm not even sure if I want to be friends with her because I'm still wondering if all those excuses she made were lies. I could be making a ton of assumptions, but I'm getting sick just thinking about it.
     
    #17 pinklov3ly, Sep 17, 2012
    Last edited: Sep 17, 2012
  18. silverhalo

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    Then if thats how you feel at the moment I would jump on the opportunity to be proactive in getting over her. I think you need to try and finalise the fact you are over her in your own mind because I fear that if you still wonder what if at the back of your mind then any new relationship you try and work at is always going to be in the shadow of this 'what if?'. Whilst you are actually remembering all the bad things about the relationship it will be easier to get over her. I mean if you were never exclusive then why did she delete you just because you flirted with another girl.
     
  19. pinklov3ly

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    She deleted me because she said that it was easier for her not to see me flirting with someone else. However, after flirting with this other girl, I tagged her in a photo. Which made it that evident that we were dating and more than friends. The photo said something like, ”I'm scared because I don't want anyone else to love you, to kiss your lips, to have your heart” etc. I think she deleted the photo and I'm guessing that she didn't want to hurt my feelings if I had noticed that she had deleted. Obviously, she didn't want anyone else to see it :icon_redf

    I'm assuming that she was dating other people, which was fine. However, she didn't have to be so secretive about it. It just makes me sick thinking about how she had been telling me about the girl she started dating :rolle: She works with all women so, temptation's everywhere...sigh...:icon_sad:
     
    #19 pinklov3ly, Sep 17, 2012
    Last edited: Sep 17, 2012
  20. silverhalo

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    Well I guess then you have to tell yourself, even if she did come back to you, is this the kind of person you want to get yourself into a relationship with. I think you would always be wondering what she is doing when she isnt with you.