I am a 19 year old mtf. I just recently started identifying as a transsexual, and I really don't know what to do about it. I am too afraid to come out to anybody I know, and I'm stuck at home, so I can't get any proper clothes or work on my voice or anything. I know my mom would accept me if I came out, but I am just too afraid to do anything about it. I'm even afraid to talk to my psychiatrist about it. On a completely different note: I don't really know what to do with myself when I get horny because really the only solution is touching myself, and I don't like it, and I don't ebjoy it... I'm just AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! So completely and utterly frustrated.
One thing to start out on: try and calm yourself. Things will be a lot better if you try to relax. As for being stuck at home; do you mean literally? Is it only you and your mother there? You could always order clothes online. I know it's risky and a hassle but it can be in the meantime until you figure out what you can do. If you're stuck at home, try in the shower? Or play loud music/tv and try. I know it must be hard in that situation so I'm sorry. I haven't been through it, so I can't give any personal experience. Is it because you don't like who you are at the current time? That sounds kinda sketchy sorry. I mean - the fact that you have a penis is revolting to you despite the fact you might like another's? Either way I must say: I am proud of you though. You're making a giant change and to open yourself to it and let your true self out: it takes a lot of courage. I'm here if you need anything. I hope I helped at least a little.
I really do suggest coming out to your mom and your psychiatrist. It may take some time to muster up the courage to come out. You are going to need to get support from someone who you love and trust, while also talking to some sort of therapist if you want to transition.
I know you feel about not being able to talk to people about who you. I felt compelled to tell those around me that I have feelings for women, and I was so nervous that I thought I'd chicken out. But telling them was such a huge relief, however, my sister treated me differently, but things between us are better now. I'm telling you these things because I've been in your shoes; I think you'll feel better once you're able to be yourself. Hiding who you are can cause depression, anxiety and breeds shame. I think coming out to your Mom is a good idea, even telling your psychiatrist, although I could not. And I had being seeing him for years, I did however, tell my therapist. However, I stopped seeing her because she made me feel like a bad parent (for other reasons). Just make sure that you're ready and comfortable enough to talk about how you truly feel before coming out
But that's the problem. I'm just too paranoid an anxious to talk to anybody about it. It would be so much better if I had money so that I could like actually afford to get out of the house and hang out with the two or three people that I'm comfortable being myself with.
