Hey people! Haven't been here in a while. I hope everything in the land of EC has been good. I've been in a dodgy uh, 'major depressive episode' for a few months but getting better. Apparently I might have bipolar but nobody seems to be able to say for sure. Anyhow that aside, it has been bothering me for a long time that I really hate bodies. Lol sounds strange. I don't really find bodies attractive and I certainly don't feel comfortable with mine. I'm not really into sex or kissing either but that's a different issue I suppose. Sometimes I look at myself and just wish that everything that is usually covered by underwear would just disappear. I don't like it. I don't like my chest - I wish they were smaller or just not there. I think about binding but I'm too scared. It's not that I want to be a guy - I'm just not sure I want to be a girl either. I look at other people and wish I was like them. I want to look really androgynous but I don't know how. I just look too girly. I used to wear heaps of shirts and ties and stuff but now I wear more in girly things. I keep looking at dresses and skirts in shops and I like them but if I ever put them on I feel gross/wrong/different. Sometimes I just really want to look like a guy. But I'm just too short and curvy and my face is girly. Sometimes I really want to look girly but it just doesn't feel comfortable when I try it. I've been growing my hair and now all I want to do is shave it off so I can feel less girly. So why do I keep getting drawn towards all the dresses at shops? Its driving me nuts. I don't know who I am or what I want to be. I'm obsessed with how I look/wanting to get new clothes etc but I just keep doing the same old thing because I don't know how to change or what to change to. Can anyone relate?
I wouldnt say I can relate. Would you say that the time you have felt like this is the same as the time you have been experiencing your drepression phase?
